(no subject)
ok so lately my life has been a little caotic let me tell you. I joined the Army about five months ago. let me tell you not the right thing to do but i have to live with the choices that i made. I finsished basic training now that was easy and so was AIT but now i am getting ready to finally graduate and move out into the actual Army and i am a little scared. Well not scared but im unsure of what i am going into i mean after all i am going to Germany a foreign country where i do not know a single person. Now that kinda sucks let me tell you. But i am going to Germany with McKinney and Riser so its shouldnt be that bad at least i will be able to drink legally. :) I got to come home for Christmas on leave and i kinda wish that i wouldnt have it is going to be extremely hard for me to leave my family again let me tell you right now i am in mississippi for a couple of days seeing my mom and dad and siblings then its back to michigan where i get to party and see the rest of my family. i think that it is going to be really hard on me when i have to leave my family behind again. urgggggggg what did i get myself into?? i dont know but when i think about it, it makes me want to kill my recruiter let me tell you and on top of all that i am still seeing jason so that does not make anything any easier. i want to be with him but once again i do not know what he wants hopefulllyhe makes up his damn mind by the time that i leave or we are finished for good this time and i will make sure that i move on and he can be miserable with out me like he is now. i mean i was gone one week and he was freaking out but maybe we just are not ment to be together, i dont know what i will do if i can not be with him but god has someone for everyone and maybe he is not the one for me, you never know. and then there is kaleb from training and i kinda have this thing going with him and i do not know what to do with the whole thing, i did not mean for anything to actually happen. i never thought thati would take it as far as i did but we did and now i am stuck cuz i kinda want to be with him but he is in the National Guard and i am active so there is no way that we will be stationed together no matter how bad we both want to be with eachother. why does this shit always happen to me??? i mean honestly. i wish just for once it would be someone else with these problems. what the hell do i do to make me and everyone else happy? is there a way to make everyone happy at the same time with out anyone getting hurt?? i really do not think that there is, oh well maybe i need to focus on myself for once and make me happy before i try to make everyone else happy. i think that i will do that. one good thing about me being in the army is i got skinnier and i have an awesome stomach now like you would not believe. i look sex what can i say:)