(no subject)
so yea today is a really really hard day for me it seems like i have been crying all day like everything reminds me of John and i dont know what to do anymore. i mean honestly what is there for me to do?? nothing , everyone just tells me to cope with it and i cant i mean its been 8 months now and i still cry myself to sleep almost every night .and i know that its not good but i cant help it, i use to think that it was a way for me to cope but its not. it seems like everything that i look at or everything that i hear just reminds me of him i cant get him out of my head to save my life like maybe a miracle will happen but i know that he will never come back to me so i mean i need to stop with all this and i cant and it didnt help that i had to make like 4 scrapbooks in his rememberence and i just finsihed the last one and those really take a lot out of me. and i mean i really didnt want to make them but i couldnt say no i mean they were in his memory so i mean i kinda had to but man they killed me and everyone talks about him constantly and its not like i can say anything to anyone cuz i dont want to be like i have a problem or anything but i mean god damn enough is enough i just cant take anymore from anyone and it sucks youd think that i would say something cuz i have always had a big mouth but i just cant bring myself to say anything to anyone about John like i feel that is their way of dealing with his death , i guess thats one reason why i am leaving everything and everyone i just need to escape from all this and go somewhere where no one knows me and i can be myself and not have to worry about saying the wrong thing or acting the wrong way i just want to be me again thats all.