Another Mosh-pit of thoughts
Well it sure has been a great while sience I have posted in Livejournal....
So whats new you might ask well there sure is a GREAT deal of stuff going on in my life....
-First off..I feel like I have COMPLETELY lost my "best" friend....she just dosent have time for me or anything...her birthday is this weekend and I have tried I dont know how many times to get ahold of her so maybe we could make plans to do something for her birthday...or something...I get paid monday so I wanted to see if she wanted to go out to a movie or somehing but I dout she would even want to ever sience she started dating her boyfriend I just faded into the background...and she NEVER has the time for me...and when/if she does its only a very short time..she wont even return my calls...what did I do so wrong to be so easy pushed into the background...I always thought it was suppose to be "friends are forever, boys are whatever" but I guess in the real world thats never the case...gah I miss having her around me I miss hanging out I miss HER!!!!!! but missing someone dosent always bring them back no matter how hard you try....I just wish we where as close as we use to be but lately it seems like that will NEVER happen.....
-So about 7 months ago I started dating this guy named Mike, we broke up a month later but he wouldnt let me push him away...he broke up with me becuase he had a convosation with marla that made him think he could "never love me". we decided to remain friends but about 4 months ago I ended up moving in with him becuase I had no where else to go..ever sience moving in with him we have argued alot some of the arguments he told me "he never wants to be with me again, He's not my man and he never wants to be" but he does all these things that only a "boyfriend" would do...being all lovey dovey and cuddaly...and Im around him just about EVERYDAY of my life...and yet we dont consider eachother dating, and alot of people around us call him my boyfirend or call me his girlfriend and neither of us correct them...so In all reality I dont know what we are...I'm not even sure I want to be with hiom even if he did come up to me right now and was like lets be together and go for the long run...I've been trough so much with him and I dont think I want to go through much more...I'm seriously thinking about just poof moving out and completly ending it there...but how do you push away someone who wont let you push them away? Do I really love this guy and I'm just making myself think I dont? how do you find these thing out...how do you know what the right thing to do is????
-Well me And Darrell patched things up, He's not with Heather anymore and we have been talking alot more lately...Its strange that we can so easily be friends again after everything that happend last year....I mean he said some pretty mean shit but he says he didnt mean any of it that he was just REALLY mad and everything which I can understand I mean I did rat him out and everything to Heather....I'm just glade we can be friends agagin and put all that stuff behind us and in the past...Im really happy that we can be friends again I was REALLY sad when I thought I lost him forever....It's sad how you just never really stop caring about someone...there is always a place for them and evrything...you would think after everything that happened we wouldnt be able to even look at eachother without wanting to trow up...but surprisingly thats no where near the truth of it...god there sure are alot of things I miss about him though...not sure whats going tohappen now that we are talkinga nd are friends and everything again....hopfully the same mistakes are never made again...
-I have VERY high hopes of going to school in the fall...I just need to fill out the paper work and get it turned in on time and hopefully Ill be getting ready to got o school for buniesse and advertising...whooo hooo I have to of coarse choose some of the hardest corses to take....Im pretty exited though after being out of school so long I REALLY starting to miss it...I feel like I NEED to be learning something new....
Well I think thats about it for now...Im gonna try to post in here more often its very relaxing to just vent out what your feeling....
So whats new you might ask well there sure is a GREAT deal of stuff going on in my life....
-First off..I feel like I have COMPLETELY lost my "best" friend....she just dosent have time for me or anything...her birthday is this weekend and I have tried I dont know how many times to get ahold of her so maybe we could make plans to do something for her birthday...or something...I get paid monday so I wanted to see if she wanted to go out to a movie or somehing but I dout she would even want to ever sience she started dating her boyfriend I just faded into the background...and she NEVER has the time for me...and when/if she does its only a very short time..she wont even return my calls...what did I do so wrong to be so easy pushed into the background...I always thought it was suppose to be "friends are forever, boys are whatever" but I guess in the real world thats never the case...gah I miss having her around me I miss hanging out I miss HER!!!!!! but missing someone dosent always bring them back no matter how hard you try....I just wish we where as close as we use to be but lately it seems like that will NEVER happen.....
-So about 7 months ago I started dating this guy named Mike, we broke up a month later but he wouldnt let me push him away...he broke up with me becuase he had a convosation with marla that made him think he could "never love me". we decided to remain friends but about 4 months ago I ended up moving in with him becuase I had no where else to go..ever sience moving in with him we have argued alot some of the arguments he told me "he never wants to be with me again, He's not my man and he never wants to be" but he does all these things that only a "boyfriend" would do...being all lovey dovey and cuddaly...and Im around him just about EVERYDAY of my life...and yet we dont consider eachother dating, and alot of people around us call him my boyfirend or call me his girlfriend and neither of us correct them...so In all reality I dont know what we are...I'm not even sure I want to be with hiom even if he did come up to me right now and was like lets be together and go for the long run...I've been trough so much with him and I dont think I want to go through much more...I'm seriously thinking about just poof moving out and completly ending it there...but how do you push away someone who wont let you push them away? Do I really love this guy and I'm just making myself think I dont? how do you find these thing out...how do you know what the right thing to do is????
-Well me And Darrell patched things up, He's not with Heather anymore and we have been talking alot more lately...Its strange that we can so easily be friends again after everything that happend last year....I mean he said some pretty mean shit but he says he didnt mean any of it that he was just REALLY mad and everything which I can understand I mean I did rat him out and everything to Heather....I'm just glade we can be friends agagin and put all that stuff behind us and in the past...Im really happy that we can be friends again I was REALLY sad when I thought I lost him forever....It's sad how you just never really stop caring about someone...there is always a place for them and evrything...you would think after everything that happened we wouldnt be able to even look at eachother without wanting to trow up...but surprisingly thats no where near the truth of it...god there sure are alot of things I miss about him though...not sure whats going tohappen now that we are talkinga nd are friends and everything again....hopfully the same mistakes are never made again...
-I have VERY high hopes of going to school in the fall...I just need to fill out the paper work and get it turned in on time and hopefully Ill be getting ready to got o school for buniesse and advertising...whooo hooo I have to of coarse choose some of the hardest corses to take....Im pretty exited though after being out of school so long I REALLY starting to miss it...I feel like I NEED to be learning something new....
Well I think thats about it for now...Im gonna try to post in here more often its very relaxing to just vent out what your feeling....