The Blue Pen
Title: The Blue Pen
Pairing: Hyoyoung
Rating: G
Genre: Romance
Summary: Sooyoung's secret becomes exposed.
Wordcount: 1,525
A/N: More short things from 2010! And it's Hyoyoung, too, what a surprise. I'm basically uploading this stuff while writing on something else, something really long that's going to come along... sometime withing the next few months. So excited~ I'm working really hard. In the meantime, enjoy this, Soohyoneys~
"Are you okay?"
Hm?
She had to look up from the paper in front of her, and discreetly put her arm over it. She could never show what she had just written.
"What? Yeah, I am."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Why wouldn't I be?"
Oh, she had a billion reasons not to be. Well, actually, there were only a few, but one of them built itself up into a bigger pain than she had ever felt.
"I don't know... are you mad at me?"
"What?"
"You've been acting strange this last week..."
Oh, mad was the last thing she was. Well, maybe there was some anger tied in never getting to touch what she so badly wanted, the thing that was there in front of her every hour of every day... but she wasn't mad at the girl beside her.
"I have?"
"Yes. So did I do something wrong?"
"No. You didn't. I'm not mad at you."
But she had in fact done something wrong. Just not listening to the words Sooyoung never said.
"Really?"
"Yes."
Almost annoying, getting the question she wanted to answer most of all, and still never getting to say what was really on her mind.
"Okay, then... what's wrong?"
A light stretch of her arms and back, decorated with a small sigh and a hint of a yawn. She concentrated so hard on holding on to that blue pen in her hand, and keep the gaze of the girl beside her drawn to her eyes and not the paper on the table.
"Nothing's wrong. I'm tired today, though."
Hell, even Sooyoung herself thought she was convincing. The slightly older, blond girl beside her should buy it.
"Oh, you didn't sleep well?"
"Not really, no."
"I suppose you just want to be left alone then."
And the other girl stood up and started to gather her things. As painful as it was for Sooyoung to be in her presence, it still hurt a lot more to not be with her.
"No, no, I don't mean it like that. You don't have to leave."
"It's okay. I've got some things to take care of anyway."
But still the hurt lay obvious in her voice. Sooyoung couldn't believe she had caused this one more time.
"What?"
"Just some... things. Some people I need to talk to."
"Why? We don't have to be there before three, and now it's..."
Sooyoung turned her head to look over her shoulder, and winced a little from the pain of her stiff neck.
"...half to two. What's the rush?"
She turned back just in time to see the blond girl's eyes switch from the sheet of paper on the table, to meet Sooyoung's gaze.
"No... no rush."
Nothing more than a mumble, and she put her things down on the table again. She used her hands to steady herself by gripping hard at the table until her knuckles turned white.
Sooyoung didn't know what they say. She knew the girl had seen what she had written. And she knew the other girl knew that Sooyoung saw it. There was a secret, now out in the open, but still treated as a secret - should they go on pretending?
"Did... did you..."
It was all Sooyoung could manage to stutter.
"Yes."
They both nodded. Sooyoung pulled the paper away from the table.
"So you saw what I had... I mean... what it said?"
"Yes."
One-word responses should be banned. In every country in all the world. It held too many possibilities, no guarantees of what would come next.
Sooyoung wondered for a second if she ever did the same thing.
"So... what..."
She wondered a lot of things, but she didn't really have a question. No question that wouldn't sound forced or, bizarre, or just misplaced. How do you feel about me being madly in love with you? That's a normal question to ask your friend, right?
"What?"
The other girl looked at her and her eyes were big, questioning. But Sooyoung didn't have an answer.
Oh, how this Tuesday morning had turned out...
"I don't know, really."
The blond girl sat back down, this time not looking at Sooyoung.
"Me neither."
They sat there in silence and Sooyoung held her paper to her chest, awkwardly poking at its edges. The clock on the wall gave a muffled tick to show another minute had passed. Some of their mutual friends walked by outside on the grey floors, none of them excited about the day, all completely oblivious to the rush of emotions inside the room they just walked by.
"Can I see it again?"
The question came right after the laughter of their friends had disappeared.
"See what?"
"The paper."
Sooyoung looked down at it with a frown.
"Why?"
"Just let me take a look."
And Sooyoung felt as if she was being lead on.
"Did you really see it?"
"Yes, I did. But just let me look at it again, I just wanna check something."
Sooyoung didn't know what she really needed to check again, there wasn't much to it. Just one word. How interesting could it be? Especially in a situation like this...
But she slowly handed over the paper to her friend, strangely comforted by its rustling.
The blond took it in her hands and looked down on it with an unreadable expression on her face. Sooyoung squirmed in her seat.
She would really prefer it if she could get some kind of response from the girl, but if there was nothing to say, then she just wanted to go. Get out. Pack up her books, throw her pen out the window for idiotically writing down the one thought in her head, and just run out the door. And she didn't need to come back. What was school for, anyway?
"I think the heart next to my name is pretty cute."
Sooyoung hadn't actually expected her to say anything.
"But then again, you were always good at drawing."
Was there a good response to that? Did she have any lifelines? How about "call a friend"? Here's the 1 million dollar question: What do you respond when your friend finds out you're in love with her, and the only thing she says is to compliment you on your drawing skills?
That's right. NOTHING.
"Thank you."
Yes, Sooyoung, that is brilliant.
"Although, a tiny heart isn't exactly the biggest of challenges." She decided to leave out the part that said "especially while thinking of you". Oh, how corny and... inappropriate.
"Oh, I don't know. I've always found it hard to draw one that actually looks good."
"It's not really hard. I can teach you if you want."
Yes, cause how could someone possibly learn to draw a heart all on their own?
"Well, we do have the time."
Sooyoung saw the two ways to interpret that six-word sentence. She looked up at her friend, who was still staring intently on the piece of paper.
Suddenly she looked up over the edge and stared straight into Sooyoung's eyes. Sooyoung prayed for a sign of any emotion, but her friend's eyes seemed expressionless.
"We do?"
Sooyoung heard her voice break when she asked the question. She repressed her wish to cough, sensing it would make her even more awkward than she already was.
"Yes. Like you said, we don't have to be anywhere in one and a half hours. I think that's more than enough time for you to teach me that... and a bunch of other things."
Now Sooyoung felt her heart drop a little sideways, maybe her sometimes weird but miraculously intelligent friend wasn't going for the metaphor there.
"Oh, and also..."
She felt the blond's hand slide down along her own hand, softly letting her fingers trace the sensitive skin before carefully locking their fingers together. Sooyoung swallowed nothing down from her dry mouth, and stretched her fingers in order to get a better grip of the cold hand in hers.
The girl beside her let the paper fall down onto the table. They both stared at the "Hyoyeon" on it, written in blue, thick letters. Sooyoung forgot her wish to run away.
They let silence fall again as they listened to more of their friends walk past the room again, silently pleading that God wouldn't let those people come in and disturb them.
They both let out their breaths when the footfalls faded into the distant corridor.
It seemed impossible to take their eyes off the word in front of them.
"That is actually one really good heart."
Sooyoung couldn't help but break into a smile as she said it.
"I told you."
She felt Hyoyeon lightly squeeze her hand.
"Possibly the best I have ever drawn."
She sensed the other girl was looking at her, so she turned her head and faced her smile.
"I have to agree."
And all of a sudden it seemed impossible to take her eyes off her fr-...well, maybe she couldn't call Hyoyeon a friend anymore.
The blue pen rolled over the table and fell onto the floor with an inaudible thud.
"So should we get started on that lesson?"