Why I don't know what to do with myself right now.
I have been in a slump perhaps? But things seem to have changed since yesterday, but a big reason I was so out of it and disoriented yesterday was because of how much I was seriously affected by seeing As Cities Burn live. But in reality, it wasn't them, it wasn't Cody, but it was God that did the affecting through them as a band. I was able to worship in a way I've never been able to worship. To reach such a feat is an incredible thing which words can't describe: which is why I've been rather quiet since then...I just haven't know what to do with myself. I found it hard Sunday morning to really worship because of this, it's hard to go back to acoustic, normal, worship music. It seems weak, it seems shallow (the words at least). I know it isn't, but it just does in comparison. That's why I was that way, in addition to other things that were coming at me like school work and regular work...that is all working out, but I still have this weird feeling. Well, I don't know how to describe it, but here are the words to the song that brought me to tears for obvious reasons (if you know me):
"Dead man, were you ever alive? Or was I just a seed buried deep inside some woman you wed, right before you crawled out of her bed and crept down the hall? Did you think of me? Did you even for a second hesitate, in the door way? It's just something that I'd like to know, though I'd still love you if you told me--that you just walked away. My God, what a world you love, where men bury their sons and without though, just walk away. And my mother's heart breaks like the water in side of her. Dead man, is it being high that makes you alive? It makes you leave behind three boys and a wife in '89...and as the track marks inch their way up your arm, my mother taught my brothers and I not to call you daddy, but to call you father. But I believe there is something here to be learned of grace, 'cause I can't help but love you, no I can't help but love you, even with a heart that breaks like the promises that you made. Like the promises that you made. My God, what a world you love."
That's it. After they played their set, which drained me completely in many different ways, Cody stepped up and played that song and I was stunned. I never thought that it would affect me in such a way. So...in conclusion, there is no conclusion. I was affected, I'm still wrestling with all of this...and that's...that's just how it is right now.
"Dead man, were you ever alive? Or was I just a seed buried deep inside some woman you wed, right before you crawled out of her bed and crept down the hall? Did you think of me? Did you even for a second hesitate, in the door way? It's just something that I'd like to know, though I'd still love you if you told me--that you just walked away. My God, what a world you love, where men bury their sons and without though, just walk away. And my mother's heart breaks like the water in side of her. Dead man, is it being high that makes you alive? It makes you leave behind three boys and a wife in '89...and as the track marks inch their way up your arm, my mother taught my brothers and I not to call you daddy, but to call you father. But I believe there is something here to be learned of grace, 'cause I can't help but love you, no I can't help but love you, even with a heart that breaks like the promises that you made. Like the promises that you made. My God, what a world you love."
That's it. After they played their set, which drained me completely in many different ways, Cody stepped up and played that song and I was stunned. I never thought that it would affect me in such a way. So...in conclusion, there is no conclusion. I was affected, I'm still wrestling with all of this...and that's...that's just how it is right now.