someone show me a hole in this cycle.
...show me the way away and I'm coming back the way I came.
No, I've seen this place before--surely this is no place for the light of this world.
And oh, how sweet the sound. I know it saves, but is it changing a wretch like me?
And my God, how sweet the sound--I once was blind, but now, I just look away.
I know there's hope, but sometimes it's hard to see down the road. Right now...I feel like this is precisely what I need more than ever:
For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous. The law was added so that the trespass might increase. but where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righeousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. - Romans 5:19-21
More than anything--I feel selfish. I won't be able to explain this...but it's justified.
I don't know when, but I feel like I've put up a wall between God and myself, that way I don't have to see him when he shakes his head or hear him when he pleads for me to stop. This way, I can ignore the pain I'm causing as I drive the nails into his wrists constantly. This way I won't hear his screams. This way I won't hear him say, you're forgiven. This way I won't hear him say I love you. His love seems foreign to me in this moment, but I know it's only a moment away. I'm ready for that moment. I'm ready to hear again, to destroy this wall I've tried so hard to build. I won't be the only one in the wake of my own ignorance, but I also won't be the only one when it's over. I'm learning what love is. I have tried to define it on my own--but look where it's gotten me. I just pray that God will write it on my heart. Teach me. Last night I could feel hope with every drop of rain that washed it's way onto my face, somewhat mixed in with tears I couldn't show. Tears of sorrow, no. Tears of joy, yes--because I'm finally feeling again. I know that His grace is abundant. I know. Today is the day when I surrender. I hope I'm not alone in the ride.
No, I've seen this place before--surely this is no place for the light of this world.
And oh, how sweet the sound. I know it saves, but is it changing a wretch like me?
And my God, how sweet the sound--I once was blind, but now, I just look away.
I know there's hope, but sometimes it's hard to see down the road. Right now...I feel like this is precisely what I need more than ever:
For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous. The law was added so that the trespass might increase. but where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righeousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. - Romans 5:19-21
More than anything--I feel selfish. I won't be able to explain this...but it's justified.
I don't know when, but I feel like I've put up a wall between God and myself, that way I don't have to see him when he shakes his head or hear him when he pleads for me to stop. This way, I can ignore the pain I'm causing as I drive the nails into his wrists constantly. This way I won't hear his screams. This way I won't hear him say, you're forgiven. This way I won't hear him say I love you. His love seems foreign to me in this moment, but I know it's only a moment away. I'm ready for that moment. I'm ready to hear again, to destroy this wall I've tried so hard to build. I won't be the only one in the wake of my own ignorance, but I also won't be the only one when it's over. I'm learning what love is. I have tried to define it on my own--but look where it's gotten me. I just pray that God will write it on my heart. Teach me. Last night I could feel hope with every drop of rain that washed it's way onto my face, somewhat mixed in with tears I couldn't show. Tears of sorrow, no. Tears of joy, yes--because I'm finally feeling again. I know that His grace is abundant. I know. Today is the day when I surrender. I hope I'm not alone in the ride.