Ficlet: 'Close your eyes, and stay awake'.

[travertineskies]

Title: Close your eyes, and stay awake.
Rating: G
Pairing: F!Hawke/Anders
Word Count: 527
Crossposted to FF.net

Spoilers ahoy.

Comments

[arysani]

Totally agree with your A/N. As the years went on, he lost more and more of himself. It's very Jeykll & Hyde - in the end, Hyde always wins. Hyde is stronger. Vengeance is stronger. There's still a little bit of Anders in there, but in that moment at the end, there is a hopelessness on his face; that's the moment where Jeykll asks to be killed because he knows he can't beat the other half of himself and he's tired of having to watch his own hands do things he would never do. I was a WRECK when I finished the game the first time...I didn't reload, I finished the game, and though that one won't be my perfect PT because I missed SO MANY side missions (mostly because I hadn't clued in to the friend/rival scales and the importance of varying your party often), but it won't change. That Hawke will always have been betrayed by her true love and had to flee her home...again.

This hit all the right notes of the downward spiral. Thank you for sharing. Fic-therapy is sometimes the best therapy. (The one I wrote had Hawke sitting with his dead body, so I hear you on needing fic-therapy.)

[travertineskies]

-grabs head- It's so tragic and painful and ouch and I just can't stop thinking about it. It would be so hard to lose your soulmate, anyone you truly care for in such a irreversible way. I think Anders just broke so many people's hearts, and even if you run off with him, if you kill him, if you let him go- there's no getting around it, Anders is a murderer, and someone who used you.

After awhile, I thought my moping and constant wailing of love ballads was being a drag on myself and my family, so I had to have an outlet. Thank you for reading. :) Oh my God, a fic about that... That was brave of you. I could never. D:

[arysani]

I really started to feel it when my Hawke actually said what I was thinking and said "I won't forget you blackmailed me to do this." It was a freefall straight down the mountain after that moment.

Dude, I avoided going into the room where my console was because it still had the lap blanket I had wrapped around my knees and the throw pillow I had laid my head on listening to the credits roll and CRYING. (Fffft. I cried writing it. That's good therapy, just getting it all out. I don't think I posted a link to it here. I almost don't want to link you to it because I don't want you to get weepy again. But if you want, it's here. We should start a support group.)

[travertineskies]

(I'm going to reply this before I finish the story, because you're right, I'm going to cry like a baby all over again).

You know a game is good when that... Punch to your stomach happens. Oh, God.

Oh, that is painful... I don't think a game has ever taken such an emotional toll on me before, not even with Alistair and being crowned and ngh. I think we should DEFINITELY start a support group. I try to make fun of it to lessen the ouch, (i.e. my icon) but in the end... It's just... -throws DAII case at wall-

[arysani]

Yeah, for all that you might whinge about it, that game packed a seriously emotional punch. Well, lots of them, really. I think it was so GOOD because of it, but it also means that while I have lots of PTs *started*, I hesitate to get further than halfway through Act 2 with them until I know I can take it.

I keep wanting to lessen the pain by adopting that "goddammit Anders" *facepalm* icon of gembat's, but my Goblin King *facepalm* icon is too good to get rid of.

I also lessen the pain by reading non-Justice!Anders AUs. Or, well, reading about people wanting to write them and thinking about potions that really could separate them. Or Awakening!Anders. I miss Awakening!Anders. He was fun.