oh look at wat u r daddy
oh look what u've done mommy
ok so ...the last time i cut myself was christmas.....i started up
again thanksgiving night....stopped.....started again....christmas came
along and ....well it was bad....the scars are big ......they are on my
arm...i just went at it 1..2..3...i hate December...... i just hate the holidays
It was stupid....BUT the very last time i "SIed" was actually new years day or eve no it was new years eve.....which was also the day i got fired from sam goody...lol i dun think i told u guys ,but we'll get to that....
..mom yelled at me....dad bitched at me.......and i pretty much knew the day was gunna be shit from then on........
so yea i went to take the shower...and i always end my showers with cold water cuz it's good for ur hair....usually im under for like 5 seconds.....but like an idiot i stayed longer.....
so ice cold water is pouring on me im making those gasping sounds ppl make when........ well....there's cold water pouring on them lol.....
anyways ....when u have that much cold water shooting at u ...after a while it feels like someone is hitting u over the head with a brick....i got really dizzy and i fell....but i grabbed on to the little bar thingy ......if i had completely blacked out...that would not have been good cuz i fell on my knees.....thankg god for that towel rack thingy otherwise if i would have fallen on my face and drowned lol.......i got myself together...dried up....got dressed....went to the mall...and that's when i got fired.......but someone already told me i was gunna get fired so it wasn't a big deal...i wasn't really....hurt .....so i didn't hurt myself over it....i don't SI over that stuff....i figure shit happens......but at home it's so different...cuz it's personal............and that morning was the very last time i did anything in terms of SIing...
and if i did ....it was small stuff...nothing terribly harmful ya know....like....i was having the worst timewith this guy...and my sister was with dave....and this guy kissed me and the whole time i wanted to cry cuz i was so sick....my head hurt ...i was dizzy and he kept holding me....have u ever been held by someone u were disgusted by........it sucks lol
and after he left i went outside infront of macys and i went without a coat and just sat and stood still cuz if ur still....the cold gets to u faster.....i stayed there till my chest hurt...my ears and nose were burning......my fingers went numb...i just stayed there till.i felt better....for some reason it was comforting.....i read somewhere that ppl that SI will find any way to hurt themselves lol...then i read this "Expose body to extreme weather conditions without wearing protective clothing so you'l get frostbite or sunburn.....chills or fevers" i read it off a website........and i was like whoa.....so i guess technically i still do it....but i figure it's better than cutting or knocking myself out lol
since that day i haven't so .....newho....im glad nobody ever reads this shit anymore lol.....but if u do...eh i really don't care...it's not that big of a deal anymore.....i used to be afraid that everyone would think that i am unhinged....,but if u know me...u know that im the same ol funny as hell johanna u know and love.....with her goofy ass smile....
i just get sad sometimes......... lol
why did i post this blog lmao
later kittens!
haha oh and i finally updated my xanga,but don't bother to read it.....this is the same entry....but i use all three of these talking about diff things so...u might wanna hold on to this link ...
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=SwitchbladeSymphony85...........if any of u even read this shit still....