(no subject)
goddamit! fuck! urrrr! i hate the fact that i've been crying constantly the past couple of days and still i haven't realized fully why i am upset. i've uncovered a few but not the full reason...maybe it's just a lot of little things that have been building up to this explosion...i don't really know. i just hate all of the thoughts running through my head and i hate the fact that every little thing said to me makes me want to cry. i hate it that i find my car as a refuge...a place where i can just drive through the night and cry to my heart's content...apparently that is what it has turned into for me. i hate how i want to really open up and talk to people about what's on my mind, but when the opportunity comes i don't know what to say. i think i'm just so scared of displeasing people and making them mad or upset with me. andrew, thank you so much for being there for me tonight. i really do appreciate the drive back to kasey's so i could get my car. and i really do thank you for talking to me...it was nice to get things off my chest a little bit. nilou and kasey....well you guys know that i love you so much and i also thank you both for being there during all of my breakdowns tonight. man i really did cry alot. i even cried the entire drive back to my house from kasey's. this is bad and i don't know what to do. fuck...this kinda scares me...kasey i'm afraid that i may turn into who i used to be...don't let me to that...promise me that you'll watch me.