dear world
I feel like I have suddenly gotten older or maybe younger I am never very sure on this age thing I mean just yesterday or maybe the day before that I was twelve or so you know? but tommorow or maybe the next day I'm going to be eighteen and hey! twenty and what next? I don't know but it all of a sudden seems a bit too fast or maybe even a bit too slow, you tell me, although one thing that is going too fast all of a sudden is this summer.
I went to a party tonight and as always it was awkward because it is kids about my brothers' ages and then adult adults parents and parents are very nice and all but not when they are piss drunk which for a fact they were. One asked me if I had a "lightsaber" when they were oh so subtly or however you spell that discussing sex and porn in front of the teenager. You know just generally being all and out stupid and I don't know maybe that is what this summer is, uncomfortable feelings and weird questions and people in Europe telling me I have lousy French because I spoke too soft. I don't know I'm all over the place right now and don't have anyone to throw anything on if I don't know does that make any sense? I wanted to go to Ana's today but there was the stupid party with drunken oddness and yelling little boys and then my parents and brothers went on a walk and all and I don't know I don't know I don't know.
I wonder if some day I'll know all the way you know know the secret of life and all but maybe that comes after life, who knows knows knows knows certainly not me?
I am mouthy and wordy and looking for a way out of this incredible floating sensation of not going anywhere or doing anything but that can't be true because I'm growing up or growing down but I am going somewhere for sure. I am starting Sophmore year and could not be less enthusiastic. At least I will have two electives and finally have escaped French. Can you believe it I don't know I can't.
My summer has been alive and dead with Europe and everything and amazing and amazing and wow. It was like aglow with something I just want to go back and experience it slowly not all quick where I barely remember I remember everything though I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know. I just know I want to know I want to know yes.
Hoorah for summer and hoorah for it ending and hoorah for seeing friends soon and hoorah for living and hooorah haoorah horoah!
I went to a party tonight and as always it was awkward because it is kids about my brothers' ages and then adult adults parents and parents are very nice and all but not when they are piss drunk which for a fact they were. One asked me if I had a "lightsaber" when they were oh so subtly or however you spell that discussing sex and porn in front of the teenager. You know just generally being all and out stupid and I don't know maybe that is what this summer is, uncomfortable feelings and weird questions and people in Europe telling me I have lousy French because I spoke too soft. I don't know I'm all over the place right now and don't have anyone to throw anything on if I don't know does that make any sense? I wanted to go to Ana's today but there was the stupid party with drunken oddness and yelling little boys and then my parents and brothers went on a walk and all and I don't know I don't know I don't know.
I wonder if some day I'll know all the way you know know the secret of life and all but maybe that comes after life, who knows knows knows knows certainly not me?
I am mouthy and wordy and looking for a way out of this incredible floating sensation of not going anywhere or doing anything but that can't be true because I'm growing up or growing down but I am going somewhere for sure. I am starting Sophmore year and could not be less enthusiastic. At least I will have two electives and finally have escaped French. Can you believe it I don't know I can't.
My summer has been alive and dead with Europe and everything and amazing and amazing and wow. It was like aglow with something I just want to go back and experience it slowly not all quick where I barely remember I remember everything though I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know. I just know I want to know I want to know yes.
Hoorah for summer and hoorah for it ending and hoorah for seeing friends soon and hoorah for living and hooorah haoorah horoah!