And Still He Watches Me 4

[swindleslog]

Title: And Still He Watches Me
Characters: Shockwave/Swindle
Description: non-con, sticky, disturbing, mind games galore. First person POV, from Swindle's perspective. He's locked in a cell directly across from Shockwave in the Autobot stockade. His state of mind and general well being degrades in a slow downward spiral as Shockwave amuses himself. You probably don't want to read this if you are easily disturbed.



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Accessing Swindle's Log - Category - Stockaide Imprisonment. Entry 84 - Still Later Encrypting with temporary coding sequence. This entry will delete itself from Log database upon closing. Encoding... Encoding... Encoding...

I need to talk right now. I need to distract myself. It’s recharge time. The escort guards are going to come by soon, and I need to calm myself down. Primus I'm scared. I'm so scared. I shouldn't be, I've had worse, this isn't even violent, but it's him and I'm terrified. I don't want this. I don't want to go over there.

I need to think about something else. I can't think about anything else. I can't get away, and I'm still so sore, and what am I going to do? I'm trapped. I'm so trapped.

I need to calm down. I need to calm down. I'm making it worse.

What was that?

Con on the right just made a weird sound. Like a strangled gurgle. If he's masturbating, I am going to throw up. The guards aren’t doing anything. It’s a really quiet sound, so I don't think they can hear it. I think that means he's not. If he masturbates while I'm in Shockwave's cell, I might throw up on him. I don't think that would end well for me. He's made that noise a few times now anyway. I think he's just dreaming. He's not masturbating.

Shockwave's recharging right now. I guess he wants to be ready and raring to go when it’s time. Oh Primus. Oh no.

Don't think about that don't think about-

I think that was the elevator. The guards are looking at it, and they seem confused.

Now accessing processor function override protocol Buried Deep Confirming initiation - Initiation confirmed - First verification password requested - verification received. Second verification password requested - Verification received.

Implimenting Buried Deep in 3 2 1 Final verification requested - verification received. Processor function override protocol Buried Deep is now functioning. To stop this protocol, enter password Unbind me. All processor functions will return to normal after password has been entered.

It's time to go. I don't want to. He hurts me, and I'm scared. I don't like being carried, but they're picking me up. Don't fight. Don't fight.

Shockwave is waiting. He has his arms out for me. They tell him they aren’t taking down the barrier until he gets in the back and puts his servos to the corners of his cell. He's backing off. I can hear his fans already.

I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. Don't fight. Don't fight.

One guard is staying at the back of the cell. She looks very serious. She's staring at Shockwave, but Shockwave is staring at me. I can't stand, so they have to let Shockwave put out his arms to take me from the other guard.

Don't fight. Don't fight.

He's holding me against his chest, and he's so warm. It's so warm in here. I'm shaking, and he's rubbing his thumb against the back of my neck, and he's making shushing sounds. I think it’s supposed to be comforting. It's not. I know what he's going to do, and it's going to hurt.

He's turning us around now, away from the guards and con on the right. My back is to the wall, and my legs are on either side of his waist. He has his faceplate in my neck again. I don't want it there, it feels weird and uncomfortable and it makes me feel like I have something crawling under my plating. It doesn't hurt, but it might as well.

He has one of his legs in-between mine, and he's going for my interface panel again. I move it for him. I just want this over with. I want to go home, I want to get out of here. Don't fight. Don't fight. He's pleased I moved it for him, tells me I'm a good bot again, but I'm not a bot. I'm a con. But I can't talk. They took away my voice, and I can't talk.

He's touching my valve, just the outside of it, running his claw around the rim. His other servo is on my chin, and he's making me look. He wants to watch me this time. He keeps circling my valve, and not going in and it makes me squirm. He keeps studying my face as he does this, repeating some movements to see if I'll repeat an expression. He's got his claw in me now, and he tells me to keep looking at him. I do. I don't want to fight. I don't want him to hurt me if I don't do what he says. It'll be easier if I don't fight.

He's holding my hips now, and putting another claw inside of me, from his other servo. He's moving them up and down, one goes up, the other comes down. It feels good, but it hurts a little. I almost wish it just hurt. Now he's moving them together, up and down and around inside me, one on the left, one on the right. I can feel pressure building, and I shake and wrap my legs around him. I feel like I'm going to throw up, but I can't throw up on him. He's touching the back of my valve and drawing his claws down its sides and almost out now, and it’s maddening and it shoots charges across my circuits and-there. I think it's done. I overloaded. No, no, he's still moving his claws.

He has one out now, and he keeps very lightly stroking and tapping at the outer rim of my port, teasing it, and it tickles. It tickles, but I don't feel like laughing. The other claw is still inside me, in the back of me, prodding at my sensor node and dragging itself back down. I wish he'd stop. This doesn't even hurt, not really. I've had worse, but I wish he'd stop. He's not making me look at him anymore now. His servos are too busy anyway, and I'm so tired. He puts his faceplate in my neck again instead. I can feel him vent and shudder against me. I overloaded, and he's groaning softly. I can feel the heat coming off of his panel. I wish he'd just get it over with. Why won't he just get it over with?

He's looking at me now. I can feel him looking at me. He still has his leg between mine, and it’s keeping me up. He's tilting my face up again, stroking my cheek with his thumb. I'm shaking. He's brought his other servo to my face now, and one of the claws he had inside of me is going towards my lips. I can smell myself on it, I can see my own lubricants. I think he wants me to suck on it, but I don't want to. It's disgusting and I don't want to.

The guard is saying something. He sounds angry, and Shockwave is stopping. Oh. He's not allowed to do that. That's good. Is that why he didn't make me open my mouth yesterday? That makes sense. He's annoyed, but he's not arguing. He's lifting me now, so my knees are inside the treads on his shoulders, my legs bent up around his neck. I don't like this. I feel exposed and vulnerable. I tremble, and Shockwave strokes my sides with his thumbs. Says I'll be alright, that I'm being a good little bot. And then he makes his engine throb in his chest and I see white.

He has me positioned so that my valve is pressed against him, the angle causing lubricant that was trickling down my thighs to come snaking back. Oh. Oh. That feels so strange and good and terrible. And it doesn't stop, it just keeps going, and he's grinding against me and I'm bent over and clutching at his head and he has his faceplate in my chest now and I want to scream I want to scream I want to scream and oh oh oh.

He stopped. He stopped. I'm burning and he stopped. He's shaking and rubbing his faceplate into me and gripping my waist so tight it feels like he'll dent me and I need him to do that again because this is torture, it hurts and I want it again but I don't and I feel so dirty but I need him to do that again and Ah. Ah. Oh.

He started his engine again. I overloaded. How many times is that? Two? No. That's three times. He hasn't taken out his cord yet. That means he's not done. What is he doing all this for? I want him to finish. I tingle all over and I'm exhausted and I practically just begged him. I want to throw up. He's still shaking and his face is still in me. He wants me, he wants to be inside me and I want him to get it over with.

We're moving. Where are we going? He's lifting me down now, and I'm straddling him again, like last night. I think he likes to sit like this. He likes to see my face and he likes to be able to move me, control me. Oh. We're side-on to the barrier this time. The guards can see me. Con on the right can too. I don't like this. I don't want to look at them. I don't want to see.

He finally retracted his panel. He's lifting me again, and the tip of his cord is touching my valve. He's rubbing himself against it, and I can feel my lubricants dripping down from inside me and onto him. He's moaning again. He's so quiet, I think I'm the only one who can hear it. He's pulling me down now. It doesn't hurt as much as last night, I'm so wet, but it still stings. The wetness means he can get inside quicker, and he's already moving, grinding into me, lifting me periodically.

He's tilting my face, moving it toward the guards. I don't want to look at them. I don't want to look that way. Con on the right is that way. The escort guards look so serious, and their eyes are hard and mean and sad. They're watching us. But they didn't let him put his claw in my mouth. That's good. That was good. I didn't want to do that.

Con on the right is still sitting down, like he's asleep. He's hard to see from this angle. That's okay. If I can't see him, he can't see me. That makes it a little easier. I don't want him to see me.

Shockwave just went stiff. Now he's shuddering, and- yes, he overloaded. He just let out a sigh. He held that in for a while tonight. He's resting now, and he's still inside me. I can feel him twitch, and I can feel his transfluid and my lubricant dripping out of me, making little patterns down my thigh. He's rubbing my hips. I'm so tired, I'm so, so tired. He doesn't have my chin anymore, and I lay my head on his chest and-

What's that?

Something else is touching me, going into the side of my neck, near my helm, on the left, where the guards can't see. I don't know what it's doing, but I don't like it, I can't see what he's-

Invasion detected. Warning, main firewalls down. Please disengage from uploading sequence. Foreign presence detected.

Well now. What seems to be going on in here then?

No. No no no. You're not supposed to be in here. Get out. Get out.

Shh shh shh. Hush now. That's not very friendly. What have they done to you, I wonder? You're so slow.

Please get out, you're not allowed in here, this is mine, you can't have it. Get out. You're not allowed-

That's enough. Hush.

I wonder if they drugged you again, to make this easier on you? They certainty didn't want to agree to this, it took me long enough of sitting there in that room and remaining silent. Autobots and their morals. So foolish and petty. They'll allow me to rape you, but they'll enforce little rules about what I can and cannot do, like that makes it easier for you, or somehow less violating. I wonder if that makes them feel better about themselves?

I don't know what you're talking about but you're not allowed in here. This is my processor, I don't want you in here I don't like it, and you're inside me all over-

Shhhhh, behave. Poor little autobot. Look at you. You barely know where you are. You're usually so quick with words, what's made you so slow? ....hmmm.

What are you doing don't do that I don't like that it feels weird get out get out-

Hush. No more of that. You're alright. It would appear you have some sort of program running that's effecting your processor. This could prove interesting. It's so terribly dull in here, it will be nice to have a puzzle to occupy the time.

Downloading sequence activated. Warning - Firewalls down. Initiating transfer

What are you doing? Don't do that I don't like that that's mine get out please don't do that you're touching my back and you're rubbing my thigh but that doesn't make me feel better please stop please don't you're not supposed to be in here-

Download complete

Foreign presence now absent. Firewalls have re-engaged. Now checking for viruses and foreign infection

I didn't like that. He was in my head. He's not supposed to be in my head. He's still inside me, between my legs, but I'd rather he was there than in my head.

The guards are coming in now. They say he's had his time, and that's enough. He pulls out of me, and there's a sticky popping sound. I feel dirty. I feel dirtier than yesterday. I'm being carried again, and I don't like it, but I like it better than Shockwave. He was in my head. He's not supposed to be in my head.

The medic is in my cell again, and he looks upset. He tells the guards to put me down. They don't leave. They ask if there is anything else they can do. He tells them they're making me nervous, and to just give me some privacy.

They do make me nervous. They're bigger than me.

He's wiping me down, same as yesterday. He's being very careful. He's cleaning me off and wiping down my legs and my hips and everywhere else. I think he's letting me prepare myself. He's cleaning my valve now, and it stings. He rubs my servo, tells me he's sorry. He's so sorry. He looks like he's in pain.

He's fixing me now. That hurts too, but now it’s numb. I can't feel anything. I like that. I don't want to feel. I felt too much there tonight. He's asking me about something, but I can't think. I need to be able to think.

Unbind me.

Entry complete. Now deleting Entry 84 - Still Later Deleting file... Deleting file... Deleting file...

Deletion complete.

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Entry 85

I thought I felt filthy yesterday. I don't know scrap from filth. Primus. He didn't just use me, he played with me. I've been used before. They frag you, sometimes they hurt you if they're more sadistic, but they leave afterwards. They leave you to your shame and your injuries and you crawl away and deal with it. Shockwave doesn't do that. He hurts you but he's gentle, reverent. It's disgusting and I can't get away from the feeling. He made me overload for the sake of just watching it. He did it three times. Three times.

And he was in my head. In. My. Head. He's out, but it's like he's still there, like that cable is still in. There's no trace of him now, he didn't leave a sleeper program, or a recording code, there's nothing there. But he was in my head. He was in there for nanokliks but it felt like eternity, and the things he did, that cold numbness that just got into everything. Primus that was horrible. I'd rather have to live with his cord twitching up my aft for the rest of my function than have him in there again. He's so cold. It's your processor, you can't feel in there, but he's cold.

He downloaded something. I felt that transfer, I felt him take it. I think he stole Buried Deep. That is not good. That is very bad.

Do I have to go back there tonight? I don't know. I can't tell. He's antsy, pacing. I don't know if it’s impatience or irritation, anticipation or anxiety. He still stares at me. I can't meet his optic. Not yet. He was in my head.

I need to take stock. I need to plan.

Buried Deep is off the table. I'm doing that now before he does. I need to reinforce my firewalls, re-encode my logs, add any security I've got and make it strong. He broke them last night like it was nothing, he didn't even have to think about it. I need to be careful.

I know he's not allowed to hurt me. That's why the guards are there. That's why they watch him so closely. And I know there are things he's not allowed to do. I don't know what they all are, but he has to leave my mouth alone. It's that, or he can't make me ingest anything.

Regulating rape; only autobots would come up with that. Slag.

I won't fight. I have no way out, and it won't help me to try. But I can resist. I will resist. He won't break me. Frag you, you degenerate sadist. You won't break me.

Entry 86

Shockwave did have interrogation yesterday. And I didn't- there was no visit to his cell last night. He's back to staring at me though. He looks so pleased still. A little worse for wear after interrogation, but he's still glowing.

I will not purge. I will not purge.

Yesterday during interrogation time I set up every firewall I could think of, and then I cracked open some security measures I had actually purchased with the intent to sell. They have all been reinforced, and are mine now. I need them more than credits.

Never thought I'd say that.

Didn't think I'd recharge much last night. I thought I'd be too scared and in too much pain to sleep with him across from me. Medic offered me something different though, a pain killer that would make me drowsy, but would dull the sting to a throb and make it a little easier to sleep without making me incapable of waking up. I thought about it, and took it. I only woke up once, when I thought something stroked my arm, but I had a pretty steady stasis besides that. Guards stared at Shockwave all night, from what I can tell.

Con on the right has been pretty quiet of late. I'm not going to question it, I'm just going to be grateful. I think he's sulking. The guards told him off earlier because he wouldn't take his ration. Wouldn't take it yesterday either.

I hope he starves.

My turn at the washracks again. I look forward to it. It won't make me feel clean, but it'll help, in a placebo kind of way. I can't stand up for long though, so I'm not sure how I'm going to manage it.

Entry 86 - Later

Back from the washracks. Guards on duty were a pair who are usually pretty apathetic to what we do, but they did express some concern when I had to use the wall to stand up. I managed to stagger to the elevator with the escort. One of them tried to pick me up, but I reacted badly on impulse, so he stopped pretty quickly.

Grasping servos make me jumpier now than I'd like.

The medic was waiting for me when I got there, offered me another painkiller, which I accepted. He had a chair in the wash racks waiting for me. Asked if I wanted assistance but I shook my head no. Scrubbed myself practically down to my circuitry, and I can still feel him, but it was comforting all the same. Medic was waiting for me when I got out, made sure I knew the sign to ask for him, and gave me another one that meant 'back off'. I suppose one of the guards told him about trying to catch me in the elevator.

Shockwave's in stasis now. Old guards on duty tonight, so hopefully I can shut down uneventfully.

I'm still so tired.

Entry 87

I'm sleeping in a private room in the med bay tonight.

Con on the right still wouldn't take his ration this afternoon. There's a little panel that opens on the right hand side (well, left for the guards), of each cell. They put the ration in, panel shuts, and it passes through some additional barriers before delivering it to us from another panel. They're too small for anyone on this level but myself and some of the guards to get our servos into, so it’s a safe way for them to deliver rations.

When we don't take them, it messes with the portal's functions, since they' aren’t supposed to take back anything but empty cubes or containers. The guard on duty today had had enough of con on the right, so he told his partner to call for back up. Four more guards show up, and the instigating guard steps into the cell with his partner covering him. He growls some things at con on the right, who is unresponsive.

Shockwave was watching all this from a seat on his berth. He pretended not to. Interrogation had made him sullen, but he looked considerably brighter at this.

A few more cycles of aggressive questioning from the guard, and I hear him walk over to con on the right, and give him a prod with the inactivated shockstick. Then I hear someone say "Oh dear creator of PRIMUS", and one of the two guards runs out and purges.

The next few breems are chaos, medics being hailed, all security personnel called to our level, full alert. Things settle, con on the right is carted out, as are Shockwave and a few other cons I cannot see. The rest of us are left in our cells. I guess they’re considered the most dangerous.

Eventually the maintenance bot who was down to check our ventilation systems comes down, with full escort. He has some associates with him, and they go to the now empty cells, and examine the vents. I could see one of them examining Shockwave's, and they all talked back and forth across the hall, so you could hear what was going on. Nothing could be seen to be problematic with the vents, and the technical talk was dull, so I listened to the guards.

I couldn't see con on the right when they took him away, and the guards were talking about it now in whispers. Not the two on duty originally. They'd been relieved for this new set and sent to the med bay.

All I could make out was something about his cord, and the cables to his motor functions. Something about severing, extensive damage. Energon and oil pooling inside his plating, slices in a way that didn’t let it seep out.

Good. That gives me a happy little tingle to hear about. Or that's how I felt initially. But then I started to wonder how that had happened, and I started to think about Shockwave watching him talk to me. Watching con on the right when the two guards found him in the cell.

Shockwave did it, I think to myself. That much is obvious. But how did Shockwave do it without anyone seeing, from across the hall? And I lie on my berth, and I think, and I think, and suddenly I have a thought. A horrible, horrible thought.

I get off the berth, painfully. The guards are preoccupied, and I can't groan out loud, so no one notices. I'm on my knees, now, crouched down, checking under my berth. Everything looks in order, and I stare at it for a bit, not sure what I'm looking for, not knowing if I want to find it anyway. But there it is.

A panel looks off. Not wrong, not loose, but not quite right. I knock on it, and it makes a hollow sort of clang.

These walls have transformation cogs behind them everywhere, they should sound a bit hollow, but they're reinforced and built to withstand a huge amount of pressure. That is not a sound they should make when you tap them. And they definitely should not give a little to a push.

I'm feeling frantic and panicked now, disgust making my fuel tanks roll over in shocked realisation, but I keep a hold of myself enough to fold onto my side, grip the berth and start kicking at the panel. It hurts like slag, and I'm sure I'm ripping something open inside my valve, but I'm kicking for all I'm worth.

The guards hear this, I'm making a racket, and they're in the cell telling me stop that, telling me to get out of there, but I'm already scrambling out, and if I could scream, I would. But all I can do is point, open mouthed, at the hole in the wall.

The hole in the wall where the cogs are crushed and shoved aside, useless. Where wires are hanging down, shredded.

I'm put in stasis cuffs and left in the hall, but I'm across from my cell when the maintenance bots start removing panels everywhere, and they can finally see where the vent has been punctured and torn. Just one hole, but it leads a little tunnel of destruction all the way down to my berth.

Some escort guards eventually came for me and brought me here, but before they did I heard them find the same kind of damage in con on the right's cell, and from Shockwave's cell, by his berth. The far side, where he usually tucked his leg and left his arm dangling.

They’ve moved every prisoner on that floor to different holding cells so they could take the entire place apart.

I threw up a few times today.

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Entry 88

Got pretty well left alone today, aside from the medic coming in to check on me a few times and make some repairs. I've been informed I'll be being kept up here until repairs, reinforcements, and certain adaptations are completed. They don't know how long it will take. As far as I'm concerned, they can just keep me up here until the end of my sentence.

I've tried the door, which is unsurprisingly locked. Walls are solid, the same kind of plexiglass material as the ones in the cells, but there's no field up around it, just adjustable blinds on the outside for privacy's sake. I'd forgotten about privacy. I miss it. I know I'm still monitored in here, this is still a prison, and even if it wasn't, medics need to be able to see their patients, but at least I don't feel watched. At least no one is staring at me.

Or touching me. Primus, how many nights did I wake up to that? I still itch all over knowing that, I can still feel those claws-ugh. And he touched himself when he was touching me. I know he did. I saw him at least a few times, discreet as he tried to be.

I'm just so disgusted and freaked out and I feel so- used isn't even the word. I don't have a word right now for this. For what he's been doing to me.

The medic left me some of those painkillers again. The ones that leave me drowsy and make it easier to go into stasis. I'm just going to take some of those and try to get some rest. I need to recharge. I need to sleep and not be touched, or stared at, or fragged.

Just for a night, please. Just let me rest.

Entry 89

I woke to someone staring at me early this solar-cycle, but it wasn't the staring that woke me up. I did it on my own, just because I went into recharge yesterday at mid-day, and slept straight through until this morning. I woke up disoriented, and it took a few cycles to really get my bearings, but it all came back to me eventually. Every sordid little detail. And I puked, like I puked yesterday, and the day before. Medic had kindly left a bucket for that, and there's a waste receptacle on the floor that attaches to it, which keeps the room free of the smell. Given how much I've been puking, I can appreciate that.

When I'm done voiding my tanks is when I realise I feel watched. I turn around, and one of the walls has been left open, so that I can be viewed by anyone outside. And there's this horned minibot sitting there, watching me. Not small for a minibot, he's thick, fairly broad, but still a minibot. Actually, if his legs were a little longer, we'd have a vaguely similar shape, like he was a smaller version of myself. Not exactly threatening, but he's a really stiff little guy. Every joint looks poised for combat or at least action. Got a faceplate on him like he never smiles.

He's red, but he's no medic. He's too deep a hue, and there's no white on his frame, just greys and blacks. Tough as he looked, there's no way he was a guard either; they don't have any minibots on guard duty here, since they wouldn't be able to do much in the event of an escape. I still can't figure out what he was doing there. Maintenance bots are too busy to just sit around, so that couldn't be it either.

And he sat there looking at me for about half a megacycle. He watched me, and I watched him. He wasn't threatening at all really, he just looked angry and disapproving, and behind all that, sad. Joint crushingly sad. It emanated off of him in waves. Nothing in his posture would give that away at a casual glance, but after looking at someone that long, you could see it. This was a 'bot with some heavy issues dragging him down.

Eventually, the medic came to bring me my ration and saw him. I can't hear anything in this box of mine, it's sound proof, but there wasn't any yelling involved. Some kind of argument, but no yelling. They were careful to turn away from me, so I couldn't even try to read their lips. The minibot looked angry, furious, something clearly boiling under the surface, and the medic just looked like his usual quietly placating self. He seemed guilty, kept trying to talk the minibot down. The minibot was so angry, so full of whatever hate he kept pent up, that he'd started to shake. The medic patted his arm, gestured for him to leave, go take a walk and cool down, I guess. He shook for a few more minutes, almost imperceptibly, then he turned around and looked me in the optic. There was so much grief in those eyes, warring with his rage, competing with it for dominance. Then he turned around, slammed the side of his fist into the wall and stormed out.

Medic came in after that, asked how I was, and gave me my ration. I pointed at the panel I’d seen them in a few times, made a little horns with my fingers to indicate the minibot, but he kept telling me not to concern myself with it, and just concentrate on resting. That the minibot shouldn't really have been here in the first place, and that he'd try to keep him out of it.

What was that about?

Entry 90

Again with the minibot. He tried to sneak out this time before the medic got to him, but he got caught again. Same as yesterday, some kind of heated discussion, but nothing directed at each other. He didn't look at me this time when he left. Avoided it actually. Posture still stiff, but a bit of sagging to his shoulders this time around.

Spent the part of yesterday letting my self-repair do it's job to help the medic and resting up. Spent the rest of the day doing a bit more of that, plus reinforcements to my firewalls and self-defence systems. I can't keep Shockwave out, not entirely. He's old and he knows too many tricks. But I can protect important pieces of my programming from him, and I fully intend to.

I've been avoiding thinking about him, but I know they're going to get that hall fixed eventually, and when they do, I know exactly where I am going to be, and what will eventually happen again. I won't fight physically, as that won't help me, but I'm not just going to sit there and let him violate all of me. I will not be his victim. I refuse to be that, to be used and played with and probed. I can't stop him from taking my body, but he can't have my mind. I will fight him until I offline for that.

I've debated on asking the medic for assistance, but I can't bring myself to. He knows about the arrangement, obviously, so he either can't do anything to help me, or he won't. I'm on my own, but then, I've always been. That's nothing new.

I've had worse, and I can do this. I can do this. He can't have my mind.

Entry 91

Fourth day in the medbay, third day with the minibot. Medic didn't catch him this time, he left after I woke up. Looked at me for a moment, desperately sad and so, so angry. Mouthed something. Looked like "I'm sorry." What's he sorry for? I've never seen him before in my life. I feel like this is important, but I don't see how. I'll have to think about that. It’s quiet up here, so there's not much else to do anyway.

Still can't walk easily, but I can stand with no trouble, and I can move around without stumbling again. Medic was happy about that, but he didn't smile much when he came in. When he didn't think I was looking, he got this haunted expression. Part of me knows what's been happening isn't his fault, and I'm glad he's been assigned to me as opposed to someone like that medic who put the muter in. At least he doesn't treat me like I'm glitched or defective. But part of me blames him a little too. Not his fault, it wasn't his call, and I know that. But he's there. He knows about it, and he's seen.

I still can't tell him about Shockwave being in my processor, partially because of that, and I've also realised that to analyse it or to help me, he'd have to access my mind. I don't want anyone else in my head again. Ever. I think that may be a bigger barrier to my need for assistance then my anger at him.

He told me that they're still working on the hall, and that I'll be up here for a while yet. Says he's glad, as it’s easier to keep in eye on my progress, and see how I'm healing. He's glad I'm getting some privacy too. He's very careful to keep my blinds shut when he's not in, unless I indicate to him that I want one left open so I can watch what goes on outside. It's dull in here, but I like that right now.

Dull is okay. I can live with dull.

------

Entry 92

The minibot's getting sneaky. That's two days now where the medic hasn't caught him to shoo him off. I noticed he's taken to standing in very specific spots outside my room. I'm thinking he's too short for the cameras to pick him up there. Still looks like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders.

It took me a long time to work up the courage to do it, but I went over the memory files I have of being in Shockwave's cell. I've lost everything in my tanks today, but the discovery may be worth it.

He said he has rules he needs to follow.

This is something I can work to my advantage.

So, things I know he can't do; he can't put anything in my mouth, if I do not want it there, and he can't hurt me. Well, he can't hurt me beyond what's normal in that situation due to sheer size difference and the nature of the act. He cannot tell anyone else what is going on, and lastly, he gets a set amount of time. He can't keep me all night.

There are other things I can hypothesise about, but that could be dangerous if I act on something I'm not sure of. I have a hunch though, that he's not allowed in my head. All evidence seems to point to that being a big ol' no-no. I can't remember it too well, but that whole action took place on the side that was not facing the guards, and though it felt like an eternity, was probably barely a few cycles. He had to be quick.

I don't know what I can do about this yet, but I will come up with something. He's not getting away with that.

Entry 93

Spent most of today restrained to my berth. The medic just let me off of it, and even then he wasn't allowed in without being accompanied by two guards.

Woke up last night to the minibot. Middle of the night, med bay's quiet, nobody home. But he wasn't outside staring at me. He was in my cell. Sitting on a chair, across from the berth, very careful about where he'd positioned himself. I assume to avoid being picked up on camera.

He was drunk off his aft. Had a huge travel-cube of high-grade he kept taking swigs of. He'd look at me, tremble, and take a big long gulp. He didn't say anything, and obviously, neither did I.

After a long while of this, he starts babbling things at me. It took me a few cycles to interpret what he was saying, his speech was slurred and pretty incoherent, but I recorded it and spent the solar-cycle transcribing it for my log.

Here's what he was saying:

"-just gave him to him, I just gave him that kid. He was, he was going places. He had, had dreams and friends and I just helped hand him right over. I fragging....I fragging scheduled him time with him. Oh, oh Primus that kid. That poor kid. What've I done, what've I done.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I can't be sorry enough. S'not, s'not possible. Oh Primus, oh, oh Primus.

But I can't just, I can't watch them in there. I can't just sit back in my big slagging office, his fragging office, on that, on that computer and watch those files and leave them there. I can't watch what, what he saved. What he saved that he did. Oh Primus. I'm sorry. I'm-I'm sorry. Oh Primus. Slagging....slagging.... frag.

They're live. Did you know that? No, you don't know that. But there are dozens of feeds, and they're all live. He kept them on so he could, so he could watch them. He hurts them. He just keeps hurting them and breaking them and some of them are barely bots anymore. They're so broken, they're like, they're so broken. Some of them still cry, some of them do.

I gave him that kid. Did I tell you that? You don't know him. He had a future. He knew what he was doing. He recorded him breaking him, did you know that? Recorded it. All of it. You could see him slowly snap, slowly lose all faith in everything, everything he knew. It took stellar cycles. I helped steal his life. I carted him away. Oh Primus. Oh Primus.

Why do I have to know all this, huh? Why did it have to be my call? I was his secretary, not my fault I could figure out those codes. And, and now he just gives them to me sometimes, when I'm questioning him? He just gives 'em to me. Fragging gleeful about it. Oh Primus, those bots. I'm so sorry. I can't leave them there. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this. You don't, you don't, and I'm sorry.

He's, he's got drones in there, you know? He's got drones that take care of them when he's gone. There's so many. They're all hidden in different spots, all over the place, and I can't leave them there. He's got, he's got drones that hurt them while he's gone, that hold them down and do things to them. The bigger ones, they, they have it the worst. Oh Primus, why does he do that, he's sick, he's sick. He keeps them in these things, and that, the drones put things inside them, up inside them. Some of them cry, some of them are past crying. It’s sick, it’s so sick. And the camera just keeps recording.

Primus I'm sorry. I can't leave them there, I can't I can't. I need to find them. I need to get them out. And they're all over. There's so many. He wasn't there though. I found him. I put him in the garbage. I put him in the garbage, but I found him. He did that too. He, he recorded that too. And after he did it, I put him in the garbage. I didn't know, I didn't know.

I gave him that kid, did I tell you that? I carted him away. And he did that all under our noses, just hurt him and used him and destroyed him. Got himself more bots, always more bots. I found the transactions records. He'd, he'd pick one he liked, and then he'd catch them, or get someone else to catch them. I don't know his name, but I'll kill him, I'll kill him.

Primus, look at you. Oh Primus, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry. I gave him that kid, and now I'm giving him you, but I can't leave them there, oh Primus I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry-"

And that's when I lunged at him. It started to sink in and I sat there for a few cycles of his babbling, shocked. And then I got angry. I don't get angry. I'm calm and I'm cool and I'm collected. But the realisation hit me like a shuttle and I just lunged at him. I didn't think, I just shot across my berth and had him by the neck. I think I would have snapped his head off he hadn't fought back so viciously. He kept saying I could kill him when he'd found them all, that I deserved that much, but he couldn't die yet. I didn't hear that, I only know he said it because I kept recording. Took nanokliks for the guards to see us on camera and burst in and knock me out once I'd lunged.

I woke up strapped down to the berth, and I thrashed, and I screamed wordlessly at the world. They waited a megacycle after I'd calmed down to come and undo the restraints.

I'll kill that little red fragger. Someday, somehow, I will kill him.

-------

Entry 94

Almost jumped the medic like that little red slag muncher this morning. To be fair, I'm still riled up right now from yesterday's little revelation and the medic was asking for it.

I mean medically speaking, and logically, he's right, and it would probably be the smart thing to do. But I'll be slagged before I agree to have something like that installed.

He came in the morning with my ration, and sat down in the chair they leave in the private rooms. Containment cells. Whatever. They're bolted to floor, like the berths, so you can’t fling them at the walls or staff. But he sits there, and he shuffles for a while, a bit uncomfortably. I'm eyeing him, thinking there's a million reasons for him to be this uneasy. Being party to someone's repeated violation, for example. Pretty sure that goes against a medic's code of ethics. And he's looking around the room, avoiding my gaze, so I start to stare at him until he meets my optics. And I wave my servo toward myself; "out with it." So he sighs, pulls this case he brought with him into his lap, and says we are going to talk about my situation, and some options he'd like me to know I have.

I scoff, roll my eyes, cross my arms and lean away from him with my feet planted. I've always been good at body language, and that's pretty fortunate right now. The medic gets the message loud and clear and clams up for a few more cycles until I get exasperated and lean toward him again. I refused to look at him though, which is just as well, since he was having trouble meeting my gaze.

He starts to discuss the kind of damage I'd taken, what he'd had to fix. Nothing unexpected really, tearing and strain on my valve, bit of misalignment to the connectors and sockets for my legs to my pelvic joints and hips. The kind of troubles you run into when you repeatedly shove something large into a hole much too small for it. All in all, could have been worse. So I shrug at him, what are you getting at here? He fidgets again and I'm getting frustrated, so he says I've healed well. Great, that's nice. Yes, I certainty have noticed I can walk on my own again and stand for longer than a few cycles without my legs collapsing under me.

He shuffles a bit more, takes a deep breath, and puts on his 'medic face.' That one they use to distance themselves from something too personal for a patient to talk about up front, giving them a little professional distance to put you more at ease to talk about potentially painful or embarrassing issues. He says he didn't want me get torn like that again, though the damage had been considerably less than he was expecting, I'd healed a little too well, and he didn't want a repeat of that kind of pain if we could avoid it.

I just stared at him. We both knew a very, very good way to avoid this problem, but that was not going to happen.

He grits up his courage, keeps his medic face on, and continues. Says he's gotten a salve, some kind of numbing agent, that'll make me go through less pain during my little visits. Wonderful, I'll just lather that into myself before we head on out, unless you need to administer it, of course. Freshen up for the old mech. He'll appreciate that, getting me all lubed and slick and ready to go. Hope it smells pretty.

I was already pretty angry by this point, and yesterday's events weren't helping. I'm pretty sure he thought I was going to go for his throat if he took too long. Who knows, I might have. The medic is bigger than I am, but not by enough of a comfortable margin for him to feel safe if I were to attack him. So he hurries on.

Next up on the agenda; our old friend the sedative. Again, I just stared. He nodded, said he knew I wasn't likely to go for it, but that these wouldn't knock me out, just make it so I didn't care for a few megacycles. Numb my mind and my body simultaneously so I wouldn't have much of a recollection about the whole horrible experience. He pointed out the guards were there to make sure I didn't get maimed, and he'd keep the dose as low as possible. I narrowed my optics and glowered. He put them away.

I'm not taking something that gets slipped in drinks at seedy bars. Thanks doc, but no.

The last thing is what made me kick him out. He had alot of trouble even taking it out of the bag.

Rubber-jointed valve. He offered me a slagging rubber-jointed valve.

There are two reasons a cybertronian would modify themselves with one of these. Reason one; you get two bots or cons that like each other quite alot, want to be together for a long time, but unfortunately, they have some size issues. One of them is too large to interface with their partner without hurting them. Enter the rubber-jointed valve. It's not going to be comfortable, since the smaller bot's internal structures are all still in the same place, but if they go slow, it will stretch to accommodate without tearing anyone to pieces. It readjusts itself when empty to original size, so there's no unhealthy straining going on and the platelets of the valve remain in where they should be.

You know who else gets these valve-mods? Hookers. Prostitutes. 'Facing slaves.

I didn't have to tell him to get out. The look on my faceplate told him everything he needed to know.

Wild guess who I'll be meeting again soon.

This is not my lot in life. I am not altering myself, because I do not belong to him. I will not be given to him to play with for the rest of my function. I will take the pain and humiliation before I will ever consent to be rearranged as his private little 'face toy.

Entry 95

Back in my cell today. It's not interrogation time. I'm entering this at night, because Shockwave can't stare at me right now. I can feel him doing it, but he can't actually see me.

During our waking hours, the cells have their usual transparent barrier up. Shockwave can see me just fine, and is enjoying the view. Very chatty from our absence. He's got two guards all to himself now, along with the usual ones in the hall. My guard was there today actually. Asked if I was alright, how I was feeling after the wall incident. Obviously, it was a fairly one-sided conversation.

But back to my cell. During recharge time, my barrier shades itself. Not opaque, the guards still need to be able to see me for security reasons, but you can be no farther than the centre of the hall if you want to see in. This means I can't see out, and I’m considered so low a threat I should be insulted, but if the exchange is Shockwave not being able to see me unless I pace or move alot, it's worth it. Maybe I'll get some proper stasis again.

Shockwave's cells had some modifications too. The walls are made of one solid sheet of very thick steel, one per wall. No corners or seams to pick at. The corners, the only areas not molded to each other, are welded to attach and have smaller barriers around them. And when he's sitting, he has to have both servos clearly in his lap. If he does anything strange, one of his personal guards is instantly questioning him.

I know I'm going to wind up in there again soon, but at least my night's are a little more private.

Oh, and con on the right is back. Not so talkative anymore. Heard him moan very quietly after Shockwave had been carted off. So did my guard's partner. Told him to "stop stroking, it's not going to make it grow back."

Overall, I have had worse days.

--------

Entry 96

I've been taking stock of everything today. Where I am, what I'm dealing with, who I'm dealing with. And as far as I can tell, there's no reason that it has to be me here. I'm a prisoner of circumstance.

The autobot trading me to Shockwave doesn't want to be doing it, but he doesn't appear to have any other choice. Shockwave is one of Megatron's most loyal soldiers, so it's not like they'd be able to get any other kind of information out of him. Cons can put up with a huge amount of pain, so they can't even torture him for the locations, really. They're just desperate to get his little minibot hostages out of their captivity in hell, and I'm the only thing he's willing to trade for it.

And I'm only here because I'm smaller than Shockwave, with portions on the runty side. I was only supposed to be a distraction so he wouldn't play mind games with the guards, I figured that out early. There's no real reason for him to want me specifically. I'm not particularly good looking. I mean I'm not ugly, but I won't be winning any beauty contests. I'm just the most appealing option he has, and I'm perpetually just out of his reach. Everyone always wants what they can't have. Oldest rule a salesmech needs to know.

I just hate being the product.

He's doing that count down thing again. Held up four claws before he left for interrogation.

I'm going over my firewalls now.

Entry 96 - Later

He held up 2 claws when he came back. Claws don't represent solar cycles today.

I'm locking down my log for the night. I'll set up a slave file to link its protocols without making it active. I'm not letting him steal this out of my head.

Creating new file - slave link created - link source hidden and encoded - source will not be active or available for the next two megacycles - confirmation code requested confirmation received Slave file - untitled Encrypting with temporary coding sequence. This entry will delete itself from temporary database upon closing. Encoding... Encoding... Encoding...

System update - all firewalls operating at full capacity - memory files locked and encoded - Trojans activated - will infect any foreign presence attempting to access forbidden files - processor function override protocol Buried Deep has been deleted from system Confirmation requested to finalise alterations - Confirmation received

I am not afraid of you. You will not break me. You do not own me. I will not be trapped here forever.

I am a merchant. I am a salesmech. I am intelligent, I am versatile, and I am foolhardy. I have had worse than you are allowed to give me.

You do not hold all the pieces in this game. I will not fight you, I can't stop you from doing what you want with my body, but I am not your victim. I am a temporary prisoner of circumstance.

Hello Swindle. I see you've been composing a little speech.

Get out of my processor Shockwave.

But it's been so long since we've had a proper chat. I do so miss our little talks, don't you? It's ever so dull in here.

Get out of my processor Shockwave.

Fiesty today. Not at all like last deca-cycle. I plan to enjoy you like this, you're so much more fun when you're feeling combative.

If you don't get out of my processor, I will struggle, and I will go for your cable. You're not supposed to be in here, are you?

Clever little bot.

I am a con, Shockwave. Just like you. We are all Cybertronian, decepticons and autobots are factions, and I promise you, I am no autobot. I may have been created on that side, but I have not leaned that way for a very, very long time.

Now get out of my processor and get on with your business before I-

Felt that, didn't you? I do enjoy how sensitive the seams under your forearm plating are. Not the original ones from your protoform, are they?

I see you're choosing to remain silent. That's acceptable. I can still feel how your body interprets my touches. You hate me, but it feels so very nice, doesn't it? If I draw a claw just under your aft- ah, there we are. I don't even need to be in your head to see you react to that one. Just look at you, squirming against the wall like some wanton little drone.

You will get out of my head, Shockwave, and you will get out now

No, I don't think I will little bot. Would you like to know why?

I am a con Shockwave. I am just the same as you. Get. OUT.

You protest, but you didn't struggle. Good bot. And I should also thank you for opening your interface panel for me again-

Shut up. Why won't you get out of my head Shockwave?

One claw inside you, and one teasing under your aft. I do so enjoy watching you writhe. Ah, it would appear I've hit that little sensor inside that moist little-

SHOCKWAVE. Why won't you get out of my head.

Clenching isn't going to impede my touching you, and I think you realise that. You see, I can still tap that node. Oh, now that was a particularly delicious little expression you just made. Let's see now. You enjoy making deals, do you not?

Swindle?

This would go easier on you if you would answer me.

Turn off your slagging engine.

I don't think you mean that. I'm amazed you can still think so coherently with overload that close.

Stop. It.

Stop what?

Stop-stop holding me like this.

Holding you how? You'll have to be specific Swin-

Stop holding me so I'm barely touching your chest. Stop.

Are you going to be a good bot, and listen to my offer?

Swindle?

I hope you're not choosing to be disobedient.

Stop. Stop. What's your offer?

Good bot-

I'm a con Shockwa- stop. I'm- stop.

What are you?

Stop. Stop that.

What are you Swindle

Stop it.

You have a remarkable amount of will power, little bot. All right, I shall drop that discussion for now. We'll resume later. Oh, there you are. First overload of the night. And it took quite a bit out of you, if the shuddering is any indication.

What... what's your deal.

I admire your perseverance. You're a trembling little mess, yet you still address me as an equal. Very bold.

The deal, Shockwave.

And you'll even look me in the optic. Bravo little one.

It's part of how you close a sale properly. The deal Shockwave.

Alright, no need to rush things.

I'll tell you why I can stay plugged into your mind for as long as I please, if you overload for me.

We just did that.

So we did. But that's not the only stipulation for this agreement. I want you to overload for me, and I want you to tell me how it feels as I bring you to it. You will describe each sensation to me, and you will not lie. You will be descriptive.

I hope you die in a scrap heap, alone and forgotten.

That's a very strange way of saying yes, little bot.

I am a con, Shockwave.

I am still not hearing a confirmation from you Swindle. Shall I assume you're not interested then?

Fine.

Excellent. Let's begin.

Swindle. I have a full digit inside of you, and you have yet to say anything. You should remedy that quickly. I won't ask you again.

If feels like I have a claw inside me. A long, sharp claw that keeps poking against my sensors and scraping down my valve.

What else?

It feels...pleasurable, but I don't want it to. I am not enjoying it, though my body is telling me I should. You keep hitting this one spot and rubbing up against it and it's hard not to lose my composure.

I think you could stand to lose a little composure.

Not part of the deal. Nn-you took it out now, and you're tracing the rim of my valve. I'm at the edge of an overload, but you're keeping me there. I hate it, and I hate you. It's agonising.

There there. I'll ease that tension soon enough. Oh, you don't like it when I patronise you. I felt that.

What does this feel like.

It feels like you're sliding your huge slagging cord into me. It hurts, how do you think it feels?

You're feeling more than pain, little bot. Describe it.

You're fragging huge. It feels like I'm being ripped apart, but I've had worse. You're long, but not too wide.

Oh?

None of your business Shockwave. You're very long, it feels like you're in the back of my throat, and I hate it. You're not terribly wide for your size, but you're too big for me, and my valve is stretched beyond any comfort zone. You're hitting all my sensors, but any pleasure is overshadowed by the pain. And Shockwave? If you think rubbing my hips with your thumbs helps to soothe me, you should really just stop.

So you're in alot of pain then?

Shockwave, look at the size of you, and look at the size of me. This is not something that was ever supposed to work. Ahhhn. And now you're moving. You're rubbing up against all my nodes, and you keep grinding into that one in the back when you lower me all the way down. You keep lifting me and pulling me down and you're going faster now and it hurts but there's still that overload you left me on the edge of, and it's burning me. I can feel it building up again through the pain, and it still hurts more than it feels good and AH! Ahhhhn. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Yes. That's it. Mm. Such a good bot. Such a good little bot. Can you keep talking?

No? I'll just finish myself off then.

Ah, ah-haaaah. Nnn.

Shh, I'm almost do- Nnnnnnnn. There. Give me a moment.

Why....why don't you have to get out of me?

Mm?

Take. Take your slagging face out of my neck. That feels. That feels disgusting. Why don't you have to. Have to get out of me?

You're so...so tenacious. Give me a moment.

Do you remember those forceps I had you pick up for me all those stellar cycles ago?

Trust me, if I could forget that, I would.

I see. I am going to tell you what I use them for. As I'm sure you've realised by now, I have an... interest in minibots. I like how small they are, how easy they are to physically manipulate and dominate. I enjoy training them to behave in certain ways, experimenting with various conditioning. I also enjoy interfacing with them, hearing their little pleas for mercy or their anger and humiliation. When they're broken in and trained properly, I just enjoy hearing them whimper for me.

You're sick.

So I'm told. Now you see, the problem with interfacing a minibot at my size, is that I would kill them. That's something I enjoy about you. I've wanted to do this for a very long time, because I don't need to prepare you for months before I can fill you with my cord. I hurt you, certainty, but you'll heal, and I don't have to concern myself with accidentally destroying your interior as long as I am gentle about the affair.

Goody for me. You're so considerate Shockwave. Thank you ever so much. Speaking of consideration, would you mind taking me off your cord? It's twitching, and that really doesn't do much for the ache.

Now now. Sarcasm will get you nowhere. And I believe I'm quite comfortable in this position, so we shall remain as we are. Where was I? Ah, yes.

I don't even attempt to squeeze into the tiniest minibots I own. They're my favourites, and I wouldn't like to ruin them. I only play with them, or buy toys and create drones that can make them writhe for me while I watch. I train them as little companions, pets, more then anything else. But the larger minibots, for them, I have created a process. It takes a few months, but it’s proved very affective. And I couldn't have achieved the results I have without you getting me those forceps.

I modified them, you see. They start out narrow, which they need to be. I have the drones programmed to strap the bot I have selected down into a restraining rack, also procured from you, and once the minibot is properly held down with their thighs spread, the drones can insert the modified forceps. Every few days, once the little bot has adjusted and healed, the device is cranked a little wider. A plug is inserted between what was formerly the grasping end of the instrument, and the bot is given time to heal and adjust before the process is repeated with a larger plug.

I get it. You don't need to keep telling me this.

Oh, but I do. The whole process can take months, and the minibot usually can't walk afterwards. They can stand after a few weeks, but that's about it, and the drones need to keep the last plug inside of them whenever they are not in use, because the valve will try to heal to a more normal size. It can't, not all the way of course, but anything smaller than the largest plug is too small for me to squeeze into.

You're disgustingly cruel, but how does this affect me Shockwave? Get to the point. I don't need to know about your hobbies.

I assume you've seen my former secretary by now? He mentioned you.

Little red fragger. Yes. Yes I have.

He's been watching that process for months. Live. Along with what I have the drones do to all those other little ones.

You've gotten quiet Swindle. Am I to assume you've made a connection to how this affects you?

You're a clever mech, so I'm going to assume you have. I will be enjoying the complexities of your mind while we interface, and I will relish being inside of you physically and mentally. If you tell anyone, I will tell my secretary just who I bought so much of my equipment from.

Oh my. It would appear our time is at an end. Good night Swindle. I had a thoroughly enjoyable evening.

File complete. Now deleting Slave file - untitled Deleting file... Deleting file... Deleting file...

Deletion complete.