New Beginnings

[swimsprpl0044]

Oy. I have never done this before. Ha. I'm not really sure what to write, who will read this, and I think I might be done caring about that. Let's begin with what's on my mind. First or all, im done with correct grammar and punctuation. Now lets go on to what is realy on my mind: homework. I have a problem with doing my homework. like right now i should be working on AP Psych stuff but im not as you can plainly see. i could also study for any number or my finals that i have to take tomorrow/next week but no. and the thing is, i know that i should be working and i tell myself that im gonna work but then i don't and instead i do this and find other pointless things to do. its a bad thing and i know it. i never do what i say im gonna do. i suppose i should learn from mistakes but i haven't. i don't want to talk about this anymore lol. on to the next subject. we'll call him my neighbor S. the situation between us is so confusing and i just want to go back to being his friend. i want to be able to say hi to him in the hallway and call him up to do something but ever since that whole... ordeal... it's just weird talking to him. not that we've talked or anything. we just walk the halls ignoring each other. thats real cool. ugh. i don't even know how it happened. i mean why did he stop feeling the way he felt for me? part of it makes me feel like it was my fault and i should have changed but then another says it was his fault and he was a jerk from the beginning but idk. it's almost sad now. hes moving and i didn't even find out from him. i found out from his myspace that he deleted me off of even tho it's still public. now i sound like a stalker. lol. and now i see him and honestly? i want him so much. not in a super sexual way but like i wanna be with him. be his girlfriend, hold his hand. do all that god stuff. but i obviously can't since he doesn't even acknowledge my presence. its sad. and now im gonna be stuck obsessing about him until the next guy that says hes gonna ask me out and then decides not to. because it has happened twice now and i don't expect anything different to happen in my love life anymore. guys are gonna like me, talk about going out with me, and then completely ignore me. thats just the way things have been rolling and i don't know what to do to change that. i could have gone out with J, my stalker, but no i rather not.

okay well this looks good for now. i feel really guilty now for not doing homework. lol. pce