pondering....
Jack Johnson sings in his sweet voice for only my perky ears to hear and I'm simply sitting here.... scrubbing it up in my lil boys wife beater, nerdy glasses and yesterdays jeans... I'm in a mood, a chillin and what will be will be and so it goes kinda mood. Wes is back and I gave up the chance to work for homework and deep breaths, and maybe I should meditate. My hand are oh so shaky and my mind is oh so racing and I think that this makes no sense, but who will read it anyhow, so who cares, and so be it, or so it goes. My dad and his surprise and amusement at my liking of such yuppie music, and I miss him, the expectations he has made me make in my head calls for perfection, strength and sensitivity. He is strong and sweet and sings to me, I'm glad to be part of something so beautiful. Sarah McLachlan and being wise beyond years, and reverting back to childhood. There's an aura that surrounds certain someones, a beauty and glow that draws two together. Ishmael needs reading and I need finding for the giving of a gift, much better than any other gift. There's a joy that comes from a provoking story, a want to make it better, me better, or simply an understanding. Depth... racing mind and shaky hands and just write they'd tell me, just put words on paper, let it flow, you'll be surprised with what you can come up with. I find that liking everyone is the easiest way to get by, they're trying and doing the best they can with what they have and simply accepting and understanding that encourages patience, something which I often lack... Incubus and my playlist is a crazy assortment of crazy moods and feelings and thoughts. Interuption... the phone keeps ringing and I find it's nice to have friends here, people who care, it's so far from home. I haven't talked to my people in forever and he interrupted me naked in bed with my lil red racer buzzing away, and oh the shamelessness of getting yourself off, love it. The sun is shining and as long as I don't look at myself I'm feeling good, beautiful even and I think it's simply the sun, the oh-so shining sunshine that makes moods okay if not superb. They can hate me, the others don't and I'm okay with loyalty and jealousy and simply being... today I am tomorrow simply existing will not be good enough and I need to study but my mind, well it's racing jumping, bobbing weaving from thought to thought and can I read it he asks, I suppose I have no shame I have no regrets and I have no secrets, none worth anyone knowing anyhow, the ones that do nobody any good. Boys II Men, haha my lil music junkie ass will accept just about anything to tempt my thoughts and feelings. You could love me I suppose, you could hate me too but we can't have it all as I go, I make moves, make it work because in the end it's all there is to do. Me accepting and coping and doing because doing requires little thought simply a smile, a truth that can't be changed only embraced and I crave the songs the guitar and the random camping trips decided at last moment and before you know it we're miles from home jumping in icy cold waterfalls, surrounded by nothing but trees and sunshine and beauty... beauty.. and the phone rings again... : ) he makes me smile....