(no subject)
I've just noticed that I'm thinner than the girl I have been jealous of for nearly 3 years, I guess I have been for a little while now. My life is all a bit of a whirl lately...I've completely lost what's going on, i have so much going on, or so it seems, but not an ounce of time to do any of it.
Despite whatever i said about getting my act together, that didn't happen. I binge and purge maybe even more so recently, whenever i eat i purge...the solution would be just not to eat, but lately it just hasn't been happening. I weighed in today at 96 fully dressed after a load of liquid, i'm not gaining and thats good, thats all that matters. I could be so much smaller though, so much smaller and i will be one day when i wake up from this blur of a world I've slipped into and i start breathing again.
Tomorrow I'm going home for exeat or term break..whatever we call in these days. I hate going home...everything in my house is empty and cold and the people match, i feel about a million times more lonely there and i can't escape my family at home. I'm much rather stay at school where i puke as much as i want, study as much as want, stay up as late as want, be withdrawn as much as i want... i can structure my life here to suit me, when i go home my parents structure my life to suit themselves...and its scary that way