(no subject)
Lately Ive been reading a lot of stories about abuse. In stories Ive been reding, Facebook posts, and peoples LJ posts. It brings back memories of my sordid childhood and a nasty step father who was very keen on punishing me physically and for no reason.
The first time I ever met him I was about 8-9 years old. My mother was having trouble making ends meet for me, my younger sister, and herself after her recent roommate moved out, so she had put another ad out looking for another roommate. I only remember HIM coming to our place to apply, not anyone else.
The moment I met him I could already sense he was a really bad person. I think I may have tried to warn my mom and she may have just brushed it off as jealousy, either way he was accepted and came to live with us.
Not long after the became intimate and my mom became pregnant. She had my brother Keith and soon after his birth they got married.
I dont remember much up until I was 10-11 and we moved to North Carolina and he started to show his true colors. Keith was year old my mother gave birth to another boy she named Erik. These boys were the apples of my step dads eyes. He also adored my sister. It was who was treated by him like I didnt belong in the family. Maybe it was because he knew I knew his secret. That Im the one who sensed he was pure evil.
It was when we were in NC that if I did anything wrong he punished me severly. Punches, being choked up against a wall and pushed up the wall,held there dangling while still being held around my throat. I took to running the the neighbors house where I had made friends with the kids, explaining to my friends what happens at home and staying at their home during the day just so I didn have to be at my house. When their parents said it was time for me to go home, they would try explaining to them why I couldnt go home, to let me stay here. They didnt want to get involved into another familys business and with regret etched into their faces they would send home.
When I was 11 I was sent back to my home state of NJ to live with my aunt because of all the trouble I seemed to be causing by running away and being an angry pre-teen. I praised the fact that I was going to be away from HIM.
Months after, the rest of my family except HIM came to Nj, and we all stayed cramped up in my grandmothers place while HE went to NY to find a job and a place for us to live there.
When we were all finally back together and living in NY nothing was better for me. I was still picked on and beat on by the monster my mom married. She never did anything to stop it.
I started acting out in school, not coming home when I was suppose to,fighting, etc. Finally school and my parents put me on a PINS petition(Person In Need Of Supervison) and I had a probation officer to report to now and again and anger managemet classes to attend. Also my mom put me into therapy and I was put on medication for depression and anti psychotics to help with mood swings.
Things just kept getting worse and worse at home and I kept running away. When I was 13 I was sent to a couple different places for 30 day evaluations to check my mental health status and to see why I acted the way I did. Id told numerous important people about why I ran away from home so much but my parents acted as if I just had an overactive imagination and no one ever thought of calling CPS because the three younger kids in the home were thriving.
( This entry is to be continued. Its taking a lot out of me emotionally. I will write more soon.)
Continued...
After my 14th birthday I was temporarily put in a foster home until the state could find a place to stick me.
From the ages of 14 til two months before my 18th birthday I bounced around from groups homes and detention homes.
I came home to live with my mom who was now newly divorced from HIM but with now she was with someone else who reigned their influence over her and still my mom was acting horribly towards me.
I stayed with her a few months until she kicked me out. I went to live with a friend and her family since they were nice enough to take me in and I got a job and took GED classes and for awhile things were good.
Until at my job, I met and started hanging out with the wrong type of people.
Another story for another time.