A decent update...
So it's been a minute since I updated, as my sister would say..lol So here goes...
I'm miss my boys terribly!!! I was all excited thinking they were coming home in 2 weeks, only to have pointed out to me, I miscounted. 3 weeks. Eh.. okay, so I'll deal with that..lol They seem to be doing pretty good at their dad's. No major issues about crying to come home since the 1st week passed. However.. TOM TOM HAS DECIDED TO COME HOME AND LIVE WITH ME. Not that it surprises me. But in a way it kind of does.
Me... Ah... where do I start with me.. I'm fed up. I really am just fed up and have had my fill. Sadly this includes my feelings for Tyson. Whatever they exactly are. I just feel they always leave. The important ones in my life that is.
*Tom - cheated and we divorced. Of course, we were null and void of any real feelings for each other for a long time.
*Dick - Ug. Don't even know where to start there. I truly am not sure what the hell really happened there. All I know is a year ago last Sunday he moved me and the boys from our comfort zones and what we knew...to a year of hell in a hand basket. To which I thought I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO over all this. But with all the chaos and drama I have put Tyson through in the past 3 months, I have come to realize, I was not over it. I suppressed it and pretended I was done and didn't give a fucking shit about it anymore. Way to go Terri. Because of that, I gained my best friend, but lost a hella great man out of it.
*Tyson - Oh this one's good. Cause I'm still not sure where the hell all this is going or went or if it would have ever worked in the first place. Like I told him, I think it was doomed and fucked from the start. It just seemed that both of us knowing the issues the other had, and having pretty much the same ones ourselves, would have made it so much better. FUUUUUUUCK NO. I think in the long run, it fucked us even harder. The sad thing is... I love this man. He was the first man in 10 months that I didn't have to force away, or force myself to let in. He felt, and still feels so comfortable. Like it's meant to be. Maybe just not now. And hell maybe never again. I just hate loving him and him trying to not let me. Or him not wanting me too. I still think I'm closer to his heart then he cares to admit to anyone, especially himself. But, again, I could be very wrong there. I want to be his sooooooooooooooooooooo badly. But then again, I can't be. Not only because he won't let me. But because I WON'T LET ME! It's funny. I am always telling Tyson, and you all, that he was not giving it, it's fair shake. Maybe in reality it was me. Maybe I'm the one that pushed and shoved and refused to let it be good. It's easier that way you know. To make them leave in the beginning opposed to them deciding later that it's not right. I just want a fair shake to try this again down the road. But Tyson won't do that. I guarantee that. He's made up his mind it won't work and will never travel down that path again! But maybe if I let him and I take the "path less traveled," maybe it could work again someday. Ya know, for me, the path where I trust, where I'm okay not being up his ass or down this throat 24/7. He keeps telling me that I am trying to hard to be in his life, or be his life. But that's not it. I think more then anything I am trying to hang on to what little bit of good I have left in life, and he's one of those things. He truly is my best friend!!!! Truly! And he keeps me grounded and sane. Whether he realizes it or not. I keep being pissed off because I was doing great before he came in to my life. Standing on my own, and not caring if I had a steady man or not. Then here came this man. This perfect damn man!!! And now I'm pissed because he was taken away. Or so it seems. But I need to realize I still have his friendship. His wonderful, goofy ass friendship! And that really means more to me then anything!!
*My Daddy - Then there's my daddy. I have come to realize I am so GOD DAMN ANGRY with him and with God for his dying. He was the only man that ever loved me no matter what I did. And he left!!! HE FUCKING LEFT ME! So now I'm convinced they all will! I know it's not my daddy's fault. I know he could not control it. But dammit!! Hey Connie and Cancer Girls, hhm think I'm finally ready to grieve?? Finally, after 2 years of pretending to be okay.
Other then that, life in fine. Still have my job. Everyone's healthy that I know of. There are some great points to all my sad, sappy shit..lol Like the last weekend of the month Tyson and I are heading to STL (St. Louis for you non-Missourian's..lol) to see Hinder, Buck Cherry, and Papa Roach. Then on Aug. 20th...hopefully to Memphis, which Tyson's already said okay to, however, I just realized it is a Monday..lol If we get to make it to Memphis we are going to see Nickleback, Chris Daughtry, and Puddle of Mudd! Gonna take him out in STL with Angie and Jerry and stomp around on my old ground..hehehehe Not to mention gonna hit Joe's Crab Shack!! heheheheheheheheheheh
Okay, well that's it from me for right now I think! Love you all!! Thank you for being there for me through all of this!!!
I'm miss my boys terribly!!! I was all excited thinking they were coming home in 2 weeks, only to have pointed out to me, I miscounted. 3 weeks. Eh.. okay, so I'll deal with that..lol They seem to be doing pretty good at their dad's. No major issues about crying to come home since the 1st week passed. However.. TOM TOM HAS DECIDED TO COME HOME AND LIVE WITH ME. Not that it surprises me. But in a way it kind of does.
Me... Ah... where do I start with me.. I'm fed up. I really am just fed up and have had my fill. Sadly this includes my feelings for Tyson. Whatever they exactly are. I just feel they always leave. The important ones in my life that is.
*Tom - cheated and we divorced. Of course, we were null and void of any real feelings for each other for a long time.
*Dick - Ug. Don't even know where to start there. I truly am not sure what the hell really happened there. All I know is a year ago last Sunday he moved me and the boys from our comfort zones and what we knew...to a year of hell in a hand basket. To which I thought I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO over all this. But with all the chaos and drama I have put Tyson through in the past 3 months, I have come to realize, I was not over it. I suppressed it and pretended I was done and didn't give a fucking shit about it anymore. Way to go Terri. Because of that, I gained my best friend, but lost a hella great man out of it.
*Tyson - Oh this one's good. Cause I'm still not sure where the hell all this is going or went or if it would have ever worked in the first place. Like I told him, I think it was doomed and fucked from the start. It just seemed that both of us knowing the issues the other had, and having pretty much the same ones ourselves, would have made it so much better. FUUUUUUUCK NO. I think in the long run, it fucked us even harder. The sad thing is... I love this man. He was the first man in 10 months that I didn't have to force away, or force myself to let in. He felt, and still feels so comfortable. Like it's meant to be. Maybe just not now. And hell maybe never again. I just hate loving him and him trying to not let me. Or him not wanting me too. I still think I'm closer to his heart then he cares to admit to anyone, especially himself. But, again, I could be very wrong there. I want to be his sooooooooooooooooooooo badly. But then again, I can't be. Not only because he won't let me. But because I WON'T LET ME! It's funny. I am always telling Tyson, and you all, that he was not giving it, it's fair shake. Maybe in reality it was me. Maybe I'm the one that pushed and shoved and refused to let it be good. It's easier that way you know. To make them leave in the beginning opposed to them deciding later that it's not right. I just want a fair shake to try this again down the road. But Tyson won't do that. I guarantee that. He's made up his mind it won't work and will never travel down that path again! But maybe if I let him and I take the "path less traveled," maybe it could work again someday. Ya know, for me, the path where I trust, where I'm okay not being up his ass or down this throat 24/7. He keeps telling me that I am trying to hard to be in his life, or be his life. But that's not it. I think more then anything I am trying to hang on to what little bit of good I have left in life, and he's one of those things. He truly is my best friend!!!! Truly! And he keeps me grounded and sane. Whether he realizes it or not. I keep being pissed off because I was doing great before he came in to my life. Standing on my own, and not caring if I had a steady man or not. Then here came this man. This perfect damn man!!! And now I'm pissed because he was taken away. Or so it seems. But I need to realize I still have his friendship. His wonderful, goofy ass friendship! And that really means more to me then anything!!
*My Daddy - Then there's my daddy. I have come to realize I am so GOD DAMN ANGRY with him and with God for his dying. He was the only man that ever loved me no matter what I did. And he left!!! HE FUCKING LEFT ME! So now I'm convinced they all will! I know it's not my daddy's fault. I know he could not control it. But dammit!! Hey Connie and Cancer Girls, hhm think I'm finally ready to grieve?? Finally, after 2 years of pretending to be okay.
Other then that, life in fine. Still have my job. Everyone's healthy that I know of. There are some great points to all my sad, sappy shit..lol Like the last weekend of the month Tyson and I are heading to STL (St. Louis for you non-Missourian's..lol) to see Hinder, Buck Cherry, and Papa Roach. Then on Aug. 20th...hopefully to Memphis, which Tyson's already said okay to, however, I just realized it is a Monday..lol If we get to make it to Memphis we are going to see Nickleback, Chris Daughtry, and Puddle of Mudd! Gonna take him out in STL with Angie and Jerry and stomp around on my old ground..hehehehe Not to mention gonna hit Joe's Crab Shack!! heheheheheheheheheheh
Okay, well that's it from me for right now I think! Love you all!! Thank you for being there for me through all of this!!!