Broken.
Living with chronic disease.
I feel like a broken person, lost. I have no loyal friends, no caring family. Today I heard my mom say that she wanted to move in with my grandma because my step brother and I are ruining her life. Her personal Vendetta with me? My health. She blames me for all my health problems, I'm so broken I could careless about getting better. So I'd like to tell her, stop paying for my medication, and my doctor bills. I've come to the realization that things will get worse from that point. I know I don't make enough money to take care of myself. How could i with the inconsistent hours i get from sears.
She wants me and Rob to move out, because his selfish ways and my health problems are destroying her marriage. I have nowhere to go. Just typing that brings pain to my heart, knowing that someone that is suppose to care for you and love you eternally does not, and wishes you would disappear. I've looked into some shelters, I'm not even sure they will take me though. I don't have any friends, that I would feel comfortable enough begging for shelter. I'm ok with that, i've come to peace with it. I know that once, i stop taking my vitamins and have no more pills left i will not be able to function mentally/physically. I will become that person no one wants to be, but somehow someway it happens to people. I know without proper medication my crohn's will get worse, and i will probably need surgery..that without insurance i will not be able to afford..hell with insurance, i'd probably have to find some kind of loan. I know it seems I am wallowing in self pity right now..but i'm just trying to prepare.
I remember a few months back, NYC, christmas time. Seeing that homeless man in the train station, feeling so blessed for my shelter, my little income, and that my ITP was in remission. Now where am I? Broken.
On the brink of losing my home, my job, and my ever so unstable health. It sounds sick, but I'm prepared. I am prepared for the storm ahead, I know that I am alone in this. For once, no conversation will fix things. For months she's been breaking with all the problems i cause, but now she can't deal anymore.
As i sit here, I try to think of a time when I was OK, a time to make all this feel like just another obstacle that i will overcome, but every happy moment always seems to have a bad connection.
I know that no matter what happens next, god has a plan for me. He has too, I know a lot of people have given up faith in him..but i just can't...not just yet..it's all have left.
I feel like a broken person, lost. I have no loyal friends, no caring family. Today I heard my mom say that she wanted to move in with my grandma because my step brother and I are ruining her life. Her personal Vendetta with me? My health. She blames me for all my health problems, I'm so broken I could careless about getting better. So I'd like to tell her, stop paying for my medication, and my doctor bills. I've come to the realization that things will get worse from that point. I know I don't make enough money to take care of myself. How could i with the inconsistent hours i get from sears.
She wants me and Rob to move out, because his selfish ways and my health problems are destroying her marriage. I have nowhere to go. Just typing that brings pain to my heart, knowing that someone that is suppose to care for you and love you eternally does not, and wishes you would disappear. I've looked into some shelters, I'm not even sure they will take me though. I don't have any friends, that I would feel comfortable enough begging for shelter. I'm ok with that, i've come to peace with it. I know that once, i stop taking my vitamins and have no more pills left i will not be able to function mentally/physically. I will become that person no one wants to be, but somehow someway it happens to people. I know without proper medication my crohn's will get worse, and i will probably need surgery..that without insurance i will not be able to afford..hell with insurance, i'd probably have to find some kind of loan. I know it seems I am wallowing in self pity right now..but i'm just trying to prepare.
I remember a few months back, NYC, christmas time. Seeing that homeless man in the train station, feeling so blessed for my shelter, my little income, and that my ITP was in remission. Now where am I? Broken.
On the brink of losing my home, my job, and my ever so unstable health. It sounds sick, but I'm prepared. I am prepared for the storm ahead, I know that I am alone in this. For once, no conversation will fix things. For months she's been breaking with all the problems i cause, but now she can't deal anymore.
As i sit here, I try to think of a time when I was OK, a time to make all this feel like just another obstacle that i will overcome, but every happy moment always seems to have a bad connection.
I know that no matter what happens next, god has a plan for me. He has too, I know a lot of people have given up faith in him..but i just can't...not just yet..it's all have left.