I don't understand...
Why does it seem like life has come to halt? No matter what I do I'm scared that it will just make me unhappier. It's weird... I hear from friends who have never had a problem fitting in, the ones who could walk into a room and have everyones attention... and thier not able to fit in... That scares me, if they can't do it how would I expect to do it. But then I see friends that seem to be only depressed for the last year, finding that all they needed was a change. Maybe I just need a change too, but what if that change is for the worst. My days are jammed packed full of things to do barely leaving me time to breathe, but at the same time I feel like I'm barely living. Yeah I'm enjoying school (well except for my stupid english class, I spend half the class wondering just how much I can teach the teacher.) I enjoy my job. But it's still missing something, if I only knew what that something was. but if I enjoy everything so much then why don't I feel like I'm living? I only feel like I'm surviving...
I got a call the other night while I was in spokane, it was a friend from back in woodinville... I remembered how much I wanted to go back to him and everyone else when I first moved here... He called me from Georgia, he's in the army now and has already gone to Iraq. He said he was spending time reconnecting with old friends, and I was amazed I even crossed his mind. He said of course I did and that he had spent like 3 hours tracking down my number... He wants to see me next time he comes home on leave... He was really nice and said some of the sweetest things, but I'm scared to trust him.. every guy I've trusted has only left me, and I'm to scared to go through that agian...
Maybe I'm just too scared of too many things to really be living... But your supposed to learn from your mistakes right? well what I've learned is what keeps me from living...
I got a call the other night while I was in spokane, it was a friend from back in woodinville... I remembered how much I wanted to go back to him and everyone else when I first moved here... He called me from Georgia, he's in the army now and has already gone to Iraq. He said he was spending time reconnecting with old friends, and I was amazed I even crossed his mind. He said of course I did and that he had spent like 3 hours tracking down my number... He wants to see me next time he comes home on leave... He was really nice and said some of the sweetest things, but I'm scared to trust him.. every guy I've trusted has only left me, and I'm to scared to go through that agian...
Maybe I'm just too scared of too many things to really be living... But your supposed to learn from your mistakes right? well what I've learned is what keeps me from living...