Who knew id be and where i am today
2011 is nearly over. This year has been forever memorable because of the fact that i leaped off the mountain, ive gone completely crazy and decided to tie myself, my body my heart my soul to one man forever and ever. I cant say i am not surprised. For aslong as i can remember, ive always loved hard. And i knew the second i fell for him that it would take unforseeable circumstances for me to ever stop loving him. Ive been married to Quentin Chase Tone for 121 days. Our relationship was not a fairytale, it was not like a movie, anything but perfect. But i can safely say it is as real as any love can get. Times have been amazing and some days he has loved me more than i could ever dream of. But i am not perfect and this relationship did open my eyes and made me see how cruel i could be. He is flawed and he isnt a prince charming. But he has never stopped trying. Over 3 years of being together and although it may not sound like a lot, but it is quite enough to know every fine line that makes up a person. My life besides him is not where i thought it would be. It would be easy enough to blame the military and say theyve stopped me but then again that would be childish as well. I am married but out of those 121 days ive woken up and gone to bed alone a total of 95 days. It has not been the way i dreamt it would be. Some nights are easier but some like tonight i lay here unable to stop myself from wishing things were easier. No matter what anyone says, no one likes to be completely alone, and its harder knowing the person that makes you feel whole is out there feeling just as empty. 21months to go until i can end my time here. 6 of which will be spent over seas again. This time things are different. I am someones wife and i pray i have the strength and patience not to go absolutely crazy. But now i can look at my past and be glad i had all i had then, i look at myself now and i remind myself that although it feels hard now everything is temporary. And time will move forward. Now more than ever i long for my future. To begin my life alongside him and to someday share and home an raise a family of my own. And even when i finally get there i know i will face new challenges and that life wont ever just be easy, but the one thing that doesnt change is having people in your life who i can count on to support my hopes and dreams. And i have been blessed to say those people have never left my side. I welcome the new year with open arms and hope it is as rewarding as this year was to me, that i continue to love and be loved and no matter what happens to have the courage to keep pushing forward.
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