I don't even...
I guess in some things I am naive. I mean, I'm not in the normal course of life. But, every once in a while something happens that seems to strike me out of the blue. And then I get upset and sad and hurt, when really I have things so much better and easier than so many people. So I feel guilty about being all emo, but then I still feel sad, so it kind of loops around and around.
What the hell am I talking about? I've had it very easy. I really have. When I told my family that I liked girls, they were all "okay, and?". Because they honestly couldn't care less as long as I am happy. Even my dad, who is major old school born on a farm, is very supportive. Maybe I've been skewed by LJ and the internet too. Because the places I go are all very open. The people I care about care about me, not who I'm attracted to. While there are people I work with who probably disapprove of "my lifestyle", they aren't people I talk to and their opinion means little to me. Mostly though, I don't think anyone would think to say something to me.
Until Friday afternoon. And it wasn't even that bad. There was no name calling or mention of sin or any of the other stuff I associate with that kind of prejudice. I think mostly it was just ignorance. And I must be the only lesbian this person knows, or at least is aware she knows. So I got questions like "how did I know" "did I ever have boyfriends" and the such. I was told that my ex-girlfriend doesn't seem like she would be gay at all. (Which, she's not. Since that's the reason for the whole ex- thing there.) And then what I think was a back handed compliment that I didn't seem gay either, really.
I thought the whole thing was awkward and whatever, but I started getting agitated as the afternoon went on. Went to L's (the ex-girlfriend, still best friend) and we had dinner with the kid. It hit me about halfway through dinner. I didn't like feeling as if I was an odd curiosity on display. I didn't like feeling like a circus freak. And that's how I felt. So now I'm gonna have to address the issue with this person at work and wait for the fallout. And I am already dreading it.
Yes, I know, in comparison, this is little and small and petty. It's just that I somehow never that it would be anything I would be dealing with. Naive.
In completely unrelated news... last night L and I went to a lecture on basic ghost hunting. And next Friday we are going on an actual ghost hunt. Ridiculous, how excited we are. The kid has been mocking mercilessly since I brought it up last week.
Oh - and the mother was in town for a day to attend her 50th high school reunion. So, L and the kid and I went to her motel and hung out until she had to leave to the party. Later in a text back and forth conversation with a girl, the kid said, when asked what he had done that day, he had "gone to see my grandma before her 50th reunion." Aww, bless. Grandma was thrilled to be considered such. Just wait until she gets her hands on him for Thanksgiving.
So see, I know things are a million times better than they could be. And I am happy for what I have. Perhaps I'm just a little wistful for what might come.
What the hell am I talking about? I've had it very easy. I really have. When I told my family that I liked girls, they were all "okay, and?". Because they honestly couldn't care less as long as I am happy. Even my dad, who is major old school born on a farm, is very supportive. Maybe I've been skewed by LJ and the internet too. Because the places I go are all very open. The people I care about care about me, not who I'm attracted to. While there are people I work with who probably disapprove of "my lifestyle", they aren't people I talk to and their opinion means little to me. Mostly though, I don't think anyone would think to say something to me.
Until Friday afternoon. And it wasn't even that bad. There was no name calling or mention of sin or any of the other stuff I associate with that kind of prejudice. I think mostly it was just ignorance. And I must be the only lesbian this person knows, or at least is aware she knows. So I got questions like "how did I know" "did I ever have boyfriends" and the such. I was told that my ex-girlfriend doesn't seem like she would be gay at all. (Which, she's not. Since that's the reason for the whole ex- thing there.) And then what I think was a back handed compliment that I didn't seem gay either, really.
I thought the whole thing was awkward and whatever, but I started getting agitated as the afternoon went on. Went to L's (the ex-girlfriend, still best friend) and we had dinner with the kid. It hit me about halfway through dinner. I didn't like feeling as if I was an odd curiosity on display. I didn't like feeling like a circus freak. And that's how I felt. So now I'm gonna have to address the issue with this person at work and wait for the fallout. And I am already dreading it.
Yes, I know, in comparison, this is little and small and petty. It's just that I somehow never that it would be anything I would be dealing with. Naive.
In completely unrelated news... last night L and I went to a lecture on basic ghost hunting. And next Friday we are going on an actual ghost hunt. Ridiculous, how excited we are. The kid has been mocking mercilessly since I brought it up last week.
Oh - and the mother was in town for a day to attend her 50th high school reunion. So, L and the kid and I went to her motel and hung out until she had to leave to the party. Later in a text back and forth conversation with a girl, the kid said, when asked what he had done that day, he had "gone to see my grandma before her 50th reunion." Aww, bless. Grandma was thrilled to be considered such. Just wait until she gets her hands on him for Thanksgiving.
So see, I know things are a million times better than they could be. And I am happy for what I have. Perhaps I'm just a little wistful for what might come.