Like sand through the hour glass there goes my life...?

[sweetlikekiwi]

have you ever had the feeling like your life is slipping away from you? like you've changed and your not the person you used to be and the person that you've become you absolutly hate? It almost feels like your just losing control of the life, or rather the life you want to have. Its just slipping through your fingers and you feel as if you can't do a thing about it. Thats how I feel right now. I've just changed so much from who I was a year ago and I hate who I've become. I want to go back. I don't want to chance things I've learned, relationships I've made, relationships that have enhanced, I just want to change me. I hate me so much right now it makes me sick. So logically the answer to my delima would simply: so fix what you don't like. I just can't seem to do that. I don't know...like I try to and maybe for a short time I will fix it but then I end up resorting back to the way I was. ugh! what can I do to keep myself focused on this?! I just hate this feeling and its causing problems that possibly wouldn't have arrisen had I not been like this......

on a happier note, I talked to my roommate today. Shes super super nice and we have a lot in common so I think we'll get along well. I feel bad though cause shes bringing the tv, dvd player, fridge, and a big carpet for our floor cause we have tiled floors. haha and all I'm bringing is my stereo. I'm making such a great contribution!!! not! hahah oh well. I got a bunch of gift cards from target so we're gonna make a road trip and get stuff from there and pimp out our dorm! haha this makes me so excited to go to morningside!! I still need to get my loan taken out though!!! I'm afraid I won't be able to get it or some problem will come up. I just want to get it done ASAP!!!!!

I'm off to bed...first time in a few nights I'll be in bed before midnight lol. yes!?

~Laura