(no subject)
How do you make the biggest decision of your life when it doesn't seem like you'll be happy with either out come?? How do you make 'the right' decision when neither option seems 'the right' decision. How can I just do what I think is right when I don't even know what the fuck is the right thing? Don't take into consideration specific things you want in your future-how can I not. Which is right and which is wrong?! I don't know!! Is it right to choose what would make me happy and be selfish and make life harder in the long run? Is it fair of me to choose Morningside just because I want to go there, I'm happy there, I have several good opportunities there, I'll be able to be with Danny and as a result incure so much debt that it will be unbelieveably difficult to pay it off and I will end up making our lives (should we be together-which I very much hope we will) a living nightmare all because I was to selfish to go to Morningside instead of ISU? Is it right to sacrafice going to Morningside, and everything that is offered to me up there to go to ISU where I really do not want to go and not be as happy up there yet at the same time if I choose ISU I will literally have no debt. No debt what-so-ever! Tuition will be completely paid for. Yea I'm sure that I'll find a group to get into up there, who knows. But I will never know what it would have been like at Morningside....what it would have been like to not do the long distance relationship. Yeah we're both still in Iowa, but it sure as hell isn't the 15 minute difference from Roosevelt to Hoover. Do I want to do that? Am I being selfish? How do I know what is the right thing to do? My head is saying go where it costs less, my heart is saying go where you will be happy, and at the same time it is saying not to be selfish and put an unnecessary burden in my future. I feel like I'm going to be making a mistake at whatever I choose. It seems like it should be so simple-go where you won't be in debt! DUH! Thats sorta easier said than done...*sigh* I don't know. I don't know what to do, I don't know what is right, I don't want to screw this up, I don't want to make a mistake. I don't know which way to go. I feel like I keep on banging my head into a wall, I feel so lost. Like I have no clue what to do at all. No one can help me make this decision and I know it, I have to do what is "right."
Great...but what is "right"?
Great...but what is "right"?