Bleh the past couple weeks have been gay. I put too much stress on and expect too much from myself for school work, I think. But I know I'm almost done. College soon
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What exactly were you going for here? To hurt me by insulting someone I love? To hurt her because I love her? What has she ever done to you? And what have I ever done to you? What did you ever want from me? Did I not try to help you? Did I not try to be your friend and be there for you? Did I not listen, and sympathize, and empathize, and encourage you, and build you up, and lose sleep trying to end your day on a positive note?
I tried to be discreet about it. Everything I ever told you was true. It wasn't just avoiding you. But you made it that way. I'd force myself online because I was concerned for you, and wanted to know you were okay. You would flip out on me, nothing I ever said was right or worth anything, and you just had a million and one problems that were anything but solveable or hopeful. Your life would never change, there was no hope, you'd given up before you even had a life to give up on.
Let's straighten one thing out right now. I still feel bad for you. I'm still concerned about you. I still want the best for you, and hope that everything works out for you. Until you started acting your age and wrote stupid, bitter little nothings on my girlfriends live journal... I still wanted to be your friend and to help you when I could. How long has it been since I've even heard from you?
But it's all a moot point, because I'm not what you need, and there's nothing I have that you really want from me. I don't know what you want, but for all the times that you would talk to me like I didn't care and wasn't trying hard enough, I know that it's nothing I've got, and I'm fine with that.
I still admire how smart you are. I still admire how many things you're exceptional at. I still admire what you've come from, gone through, and pushed beyond.
But the bottom line is, for as many ways as you have been blessed, and for as many ways as you've been cursed, all things considered... you're still your own worst enemy... and I'm not going to try to get in the middle of a fight between the side of you I always liked and the side of you I could never stand while you try to figure out which one you want to be.
I know who you are, and I still say to grow up.
As for me, spare me the empty insults and this "strategy" nonsense, and leave the people I love alone.
I never meant to hurt her. I don't care about insulting people I've never met and truly don't know, but you won't write to me, you won't talk to me, you won't give me a chance to talk to you, and this was all I had. I'm sorry.
And yes, you did do all those things, and you helped me a lot, and I still fucking think about you all the time and I wish I didn't have to but I DO. And I can't help it, but I'm not gonna just ignore that. I need you as a friend.
Maybe I am a lunatic. Maybe I asked too much from you. But it doesn't matter, because I still grew up a lot last year, and I know I've got a long way to go, but we need to talk. Here isn't the best place, if you'll give me that.
But you better understand this, I NEVER EVER didn't appreciate how much you were trying to help me, and I NEVER EVER EVER thought that "my life would never change, there was no hope", or "I'd given up before I had a life to give up on." That's complete and utter bullshit.
And I really doubt you still wanted to be my friend and help when I could, because I've been trying to get in touch with you for like 5 months and you never respond to me. So I'm sorry that I said something stupid to get your attention, even though I never meant it. I'm sorry if I'm depressed because you know why, and I'm sorry if you never thought I was thankful for you, but all I ever want anymore is to be able to talk to you. If you could give me another chance maybe I could show you that you are what I need and I'd be thankful just to have you to talk to in a context other than you calling me crazy.
Please just write me, there are things I need to say to you.
Not that I know you much or know much about what you've gone through, but you sound just like most of the people in my school.
Bad things happen to good and bad people alike. The difference is how they handle it. You can face the most terrible life and learn from it, turn it into something more positive for yourself and become a better person-- but it's easier to cry, get depressed, and do nothing, or just do all the wrong things. People like making things worse for themselves.
You just sound like one of those people. Again, I don't know you, I could be wrong, but I believe that I have completely fair judgement based on what you have said. I know plenty of people that enjoy crying and being depressed and getting desperate and attatched and taking advantage, whatever you want to call it, just because it's easier to do that- but there are just better ways to handle things.
Whatever you are, whether it's being an attention whore, a lunatic, whatever, it doesn't matter much, it's all how you handle things. And if you can't, then that's you and don't throw your shit on other people. It's different to seek guidance, but learn things yourself and apply what the person has helped you with (as you claim he's helped so much). Take what someone says and apply it, better yourself, better the situations you face in your life. Don't get attatched and desperate and, as it was well-put, lunatic.
You can't always depend on someone else. When you start depending on someone else, they make you their little toy and you'll do anything for them because they're the only one that listens to you. You can't get to that, why get to that shit when you could have stopped it earlier.
"But you better understand this, I NEVER EVER didn't appreciate how much you were trying to help me, and I NEVER EVER EVER thought that "my life would never change, there was no hope", or "I'd given up before I had a life to give up on." That's complete and utter bullshit."
^-- Obviously with your previous comments in my journal, he had every reason to say what he said. And I stand by him a million percent on it. How can you go and say stupid shit online and try to cause trouble so that he'll pay attention to you, but then when he does pay attention to you, it's the "oh I never wanted to hurt you, I always appreciated you, blah blah blah I'm talking a bunch of shit because I have his attention again" stuff. I don't buy it at all. And you can't rely on someone that much in life. Grow up a little, I know you have plenty of time to, but start early.
I do feel sympathy for you, I don't want to sound heartless because I really do care about people being happy. I just feel that most of people's depression is brought on by themselves. I'm lucky to not have many unfortunate things come about in my life, but I've seen a lot happen to others. It's amazing how people with similar pasts can be so different just on how they react to it. And I know it's hard, but nothing is impossible. That's what ticks me off.
So the point of this long worthless note to someone I don't know and don't know if she even cares, is this- I feel bad for your situation, I hope things get better, I know how much of a sweetheart my boyfriend is and I'm glad he helped you a little, but you can make your life better too, so don't get desperate, and know when you're pushing someone too much. I might be wrong, but you come across as the classic Drama Queen. Good luck in your life, and I hope you figure things out. Sorry if I was rude.
Yeah I just reread all the comments. I think I nailed it. You started shit so he'd talk to you again. This makes no sense. Well, you got what you wanted, he's talking, and me too. I don't think it'll turn into what you hoped. Jerry has always been easily "suckered in" by people with unfortunate situations, and I think he's such a great person for being so endearing. He has the softest and warmest heart I've ever known, and he's genuine. But I feel bad for him because you're sounding just like this girl that used to be my friend that ended up making me feel miserable because no matter how much I helped her, it wasn't ever enough and there was always something else I was "doing wrong", or always something else wrong in that person's life. Nothing could ever be good enough. Jerry's got a busy life and a lot of things to worry about. I know he cares about you, but this is all unreasonable when you just seem to me like the pure definition of a Drama Queen.
I would feel terrible if I was judging this all wrong, but it just makes too much sense to me. My apologies for being rude. Take care, seriously. I do wish the best for you.
I feel really bad for what I did because I have a lot of respect for you in reality... Sorry for any pain or trouble I caused, but I really needed to talk to him, and I'm different then I was last time I encountered him. But I really just need to talk to him. Don't apologize... I should apologize, and what I did was utterly inappropriate and bitchy. Sorry again.
This is just the point; The thing that bugs me most of all is when people do things like what I just did, so I know I was being incredibly hypocritical, and I totally shouldn't have. I am infinitely sorry...But nonetheless, I don't think that I do always depend on other people. That's exactly what makes things so hard for me is that, in my situation, I can't depend on anyone but myself for such a good majority of the time, and as you'd know, better than I would no doubt, he's good at making people feel better, and I know I was a bitch to him, which I also highly regret, last time we spoke, but I need another chance to talk to him. I'm really really sorry, I feel horrible about myself because, not only have I gone and done the thing that I absolutely despise from people, but I'm also being way hypocritical about it. I really can't apologize enough, but you're a good person so, hopefully you can forgive me for being a stupid little kid. =\
I tried to be discreet about it. Everything I ever told you was true. It wasn't just avoiding you. But you made it that way. I'd force myself online because I was concerned for you, and wanted to know you were okay. You would flip out on me, nothing I ever said was right or worth anything, and you just had a million and one problems that were anything but solveable or hopeful. Your life would never change, there was no hope, you'd given up before you even had a life to give up on.
Let's straighten one thing out right now. I still feel bad for you. I'm still concerned about you. I still want the best for you, and hope that everything works out for you. Until you started acting your age and wrote stupid, bitter little nothings on my girlfriends live journal... I still wanted to be your friend and to help you when I could. How long has it been since I've even heard from you?
But it's all a moot point, because I'm not what you need, and there's nothing I have that you really want from me. I don't know what you want, but for all the times that you would talk to me like I didn't care and wasn't trying hard enough, I know that it's nothing I've got, and I'm fine with that.
I still admire how smart you are. I still admire how many things you're exceptional at. I still admire what you've come from, gone through, and pushed beyond.
But the bottom line is, for as many ways as you have been blessed, and for as many ways as you've been cursed, all things considered... you're still your own worst enemy... and I'm not going to try to get in the middle of a fight between the side of you I always liked and the side of you I could never stand while you try to figure out which one you want to be.
I know who you are, and I still say to grow up.
As for me, spare me the empty insults and this "strategy" nonsense, and leave the people I love alone.
It just makes you sound like a lunatic.
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And yes, you did do all those things, and you helped me a lot, and I still fucking think about you all the time and I wish I didn't have to but I DO. And I can't help it, but I'm not gonna just ignore that. I need you as a friend.
Maybe I am a lunatic. Maybe I asked too much from you. But it doesn't matter, because I still grew up a lot last year, and I know I've got a long way to go, but we need to talk. Here isn't the best place, if you'll give me that.
But you better understand this, I NEVER EVER didn't appreciate how much you were trying to help me, and I NEVER EVER EVER thought that "my life would never change, there was no hope", or "I'd given up before I had a life to give up on."
That's complete and utter bullshit.
And I really doubt you still wanted to be my friend and help when I could, because I've been trying to get in touch with you for like 5 months and you never respond to me. So I'm sorry that I said something stupid to get your attention, even though I never meant it. I'm sorry if I'm depressed because you know why, and I'm sorry if you never thought I was thankful for you, but all I ever want anymore is to be able to talk to you. If you could give me another chance maybe I could show you that you are what I need and I'd be thankful just to have you to talk to in a context other than you calling me crazy.
Please just write me, there are things I need to say to you.
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Bad things happen to good and bad people alike. The difference is how they handle it. You can face the most terrible life and learn from it, turn it into something more positive for yourself and become a better person-- but it's easier to cry, get depressed, and do nothing, or just do all the wrong things. People like making things worse for themselves.
You just sound like one of those people. Again, I don't know you, I could be wrong, but I believe that I have completely fair judgement based on what you have said. I know plenty of people that enjoy crying and being depressed and getting desperate and attatched and taking advantage, whatever you want to call it, just because it's easier to do that- but there are just better ways to handle things.
Whatever you are, whether it's being an attention whore, a lunatic, whatever, it doesn't matter much, it's all how you handle things. And if you can't, then that's you and don't throw your shit on other people. It's different to seek guidance, but learn things yourself and apply what the person has helped you with (as you claim he's helped so much). Take what someone says and apply it, better yourself, better the situations you face in your life. Don't get attatched and desperate and, as it was well-put, lunatic.
You can't always depend on someone else. When you start depending on someone else, they make you their little toy and you'll do anything for them because they're the only one that listens to you. You can't get to that, why get to that shit when you could have stopped it earlier.
"But you better understand this, I NEVER EVER didn't appreciate how much you were trying to help me, and I NEVER EVER EVER thought that "my life would never change, there was no hope", or "I'd given up before I had a life to give up on."
That's complete and utter bullshit."
^-- Obviously with your previous comments in my journal, he had every reason to say what he said. And I stand by him a million percent on it. How can you go and say stupid shit online and try to cause trouble so that he'll pay attention to you, but then when he does pay attention to you, it's the "oh I never wanted to hurt you, I always appreciated you, blah blah blah I'm talking a bunch of shit because I have his attention again" stuff. I don't buy it at all. And you can't rely on someone that much in life. Grow up a little, I know you have plenty of time to, but start early.
I do feel sympathy for you, I don't want to sound heartless because I really do care about people being happy. I just feel that most of people's depression is brought on by themselves. I'm lucky to not have many unfortunate things come about in my life, but I've seen a lot happen to others. It's amazing how people with similar pasts can be so different just on how they react to it. And I know it's hard, but nothing is impossible. That's what ticks me off.
So the point of this long worthless note to someone I don't know and don't know if she even cares, is this- I feel bad for your situation, I hope things get better, I know how much of a sweetheart my boyfriend is and I'm glad he helped you a little, but you can make your life better too, so don't get desperate, and know when you're pushing someone too much. I might be wrong, but you come across as the classic Drama Queen. Good luck in your life, and I hope you figure things out. Sorry if I was rude.
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I would feel terrible if I was judging this all wrong, but it just makes too much sense to me. My apologies for being rude. Take care, seriously. I do wish the best for you.
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