Aug 20, 2004 22:26
I just feel so alone sometimes. Like now. I hate it. It just seems like everyone I talk to can call someone and talk to them about their problems or talk to them otherwise, but I just feel like I have to wait out my pain until it gets all better. Or wait until it is convenient for someone else. Why do I have to be the person that people just shrug off? I realize that there are people out there who are way more depressed than I am and who have it way worse than I do, but why do I have to be compared to them? Why can't someone realize that I'm hurting too and need comforting just as much as anyone else out there. I have feelings too. Doesn't anyone realize that? And again with feeling alone...I had this dream the other night...it felt so real. I want to just call this guy like I called him in my dreams, but I can't. I want him to hold me and make me feel secure like in the dream, but that isn't possible. I just want someone to make me feel loved. Anyone. But no one wants to seem to do that for me. No one cares that much about me. Sure, some people can put on great acts and make me feel special for a short while, but eventually the mask comes off...the act wears out. I hate it. Sheesh...I just feel like no one would notice if I just suddenly disappeared off the face of the earth. Maybe my parents would notice...only because they would want me to do something for them...like usual. I hate it. I hate it all. My head is spinning right now, it is getting very hard to type this. I feel as if I could just float away and never come back. Wouldn't that be nice. Who would miss me? It makes me wonder if there is someone out there for me. If there is someone who's life would never be the same if I died. But, what if my journey in life is supposed to end shorter? What if there really is no one out there to love me? It's all so confusing. I just feel so alone...
Not-so-much luv,
ME
help????