(no subject)
blah! Seems like when my life is finally going great something has to fuck up, am I not allowed to have a good life? So of course after I posted that last entry, the job at providence ended it was a temp job anyway, so that was a bummer, and I just recently got more hours at Victoria's Secret so thats good, took them long enough, of course its not enough to pay the bills but meh its something I guess. I'm still actively looking for a job, its just hard since so many employers want 2+ years experience in Medical Billing, well how the hell am I supposed to get experience if you wont hire me? Oh well I keep a positive look and apply every day, I'm also going to be doing some volunteer work at Planned parenthood in there billing department to gain some experience and hopefully get hired on there, as that is where I would love to work. I took my self odd Lexapro, probability not such a good idea to just stop 'cold turkey' like I did, but I just didn't like it anymore, I just recently got put on Wellbutrin and thats supposed to be better and not have the weight gain side effect. I have only been on it like 2 weeks, but I seem to like it, so hopefully I found the right one for me.
Speaking of the 'right one for me' that guy Dan, I was talking about in my last entry is still in Japan, but should be coming home soon and he finally got internet access and told me that he is very happy in the Marines and wants to consider it a career and signed up for to be a like a Military Police, but better, one who goes around the world and guards the Embassy's, he said that he's like in love with Japan and wants to stay there, or travel around the world, and then I guess his unit is getting deployed to Afghanistan, probability next year sometime. He wants to 'just be friends'....I cant 'just be friends' I really felt like I was falling for this guy, and hell I even waited 6 fucking patient months just to talk to him and this is what he wants? He says its not fair for me to wait for him and not live my life to the fullest, well maybe I wanted to wait, maybe I was WILLING to wait for him. This sucks, 'cuz when he comes home, we all hang out with the same friends and so thats probability going to be awkward. I'm not all THAT upset, considering we were not official, we were just 'seeing each other' until he got back to see how that would work and I had no problem with it, I really feel I could love this guy and what now..'just friends?' This morning is so not fun, I really was all excited to see that I had a message from him on myspace and then it read what I said before and that got me kinda depressed, ON TOP of not feeling well, I think I ate some bad chicken a few days ago, 'cuz I feel horrible. I told him to do what makes him happy. (even though I secretly just wanted to tell him what the hell is wrong with you, I love you, we can make it work...but I didn't) Maybe we can make it work, maybe he wont even get that officer thing he wants and have to stay in the states, either way I just feel like a part of my heart fell off...again, gah what is with me and guys? It's like I fall hardcore for someone and then they 'break up with me', well not in this case really, but that 'just want to be friends' to me is the same thing...
well I'm going to lay down some more to see if my stomach can feel better by tonight since I'm on call at work. I just wanted to rant and rave on here 'cuz I was mad.
**EDIT**
Well I guess I'm not going to be laying down just yet...the repair person from the apartments is here to fix my ceiling light in my room..ugh
Speaking of the 'right one for me' that guy Dan, I was talking about in my last entry is still in Japan, but should be coming home soon and he finally got internet access and told me that he is very happy in the Marines and wants to consider it a career and signed up for to be a like a Military Police, but better, one who goes around the world and guards the Embassy's, he said that he's like in love with Japan and wants to stay there, or travel around the world, and then I guess his unit is getting deployed to Afghanistan, probability next year sometime. He wants to 'just be friends'....I cant 'just be friends' I really felt like I was falling for this guy, and hell I even waited 6 fucking patient months just to talk to him and this is what he wants? He says its not fair for me to wait for him and not live my life to the fullest, well maybe I wanted to wait, maybe I was WILLING to wait for him. This sucks, 'cuz when he comes home, we all hang out with the same friends and so thats probability going to be awkward. I'm not all THAT upset, considering we were not official, we were just 'seeing each other' until he got back to see how that would work and I had no problem with it, I really feel I could love this guy and what now..'just friends?' This morning is so not fun, I really was all excited to see that I had a message from him on myspace and then it read what I said before and that got me kinda depressed, ON TOP of not feeling well, I think I ate some bad chicken a few days ago, 'cuz I feel horrible. I told him to do what makes him happy. (even though I secretly just wanted to tell him what the hell is wrong with you, I love you, we can make it work...but I didn't) Maybe we can make it work, maybe he wont even get that officer thing he wants and have to stay in the states, either way I just feel like a part of my heart fell off...again, gah what is with me and guys? It's like I fall hardcore for someone and then they 'break up with me', well not in this case really, but that 'just want to be friends' to me is the same thing...
well I'm going to lay down some more to see if my stomach can feel better by tonight since I'm on call at work. I just wanted to rant and rave on here 'cuz I was mad.
**EDIT**
Well I guess I'm not going to be laying down just yet...the repair person from the apartments is here to fix my ceiling light in my room..ugh