why do I let my mind wonder off so much?
should I care what he did while we were broken up? why does he want to marry me? what good am I? I hate this shit so much, he did so much shit while we were broken up, so many hurtfull things and now he expects me to love him again? I just don't know what to think. I know we were broken up at the time, but it still hurts and always will hurt me. I don't get over things very well and I don't know how to get over this...I may never.. :(
Yes, I want to love him again and Yes I beleive he is a changed man for the better. But why do I have my doubts? I keep hearing more and more hurtful things he did, and I ask my self 'Why do I want to be with someone who didnt even have the decentcy to spend his last night in oregon before leaving to basic with me?'
SIGH*** What to do, what to do? I love him, and I know this will work, but I will be forever reminded of the shit he did....and may never fully get over it.
I just don't know why I let my mind wonder so much...I just don't know. I want to leave this horrable place and get away, I want to go to the beach and start a new life with him and none of his friends, that way I don't have to be reminded of everything that has happend. He tells me that he isn't going to associate with any of his friends from before or drink or any of that shit anymore. But thats not the point, I want to be able to know that I can trust him again and be loved with OUT getting hurt.
He is in so much debt right now, its going to take forever to pay off and I just dont know what to do, I'm so confused. I'm not going to help him pay any of it, as it's not my fault any of this happend. Yet at the same time, I want to be loved and showered with love and flowers and ...sigh all the things that girls want...Oh well..
Why do I let my mind wonder off so much?????
*cries*
Yes, I want to love him again and Yes I beleive he is a changed man for the better. But why do I have my doubts? I keep hearing more and more hurtful things he did, and I ask my self 'Why do I want to be with someone who didnt even have the decentcy to spend his last night in oregon before leaving to basic with me?'
SIGH*** What to do, what to do? I love him, and I know this will work, but I will be forever reminded of the shit he did....and may never fully get over it.
I just don't know why I let my mind wonder so much...I just don't know. I want to leave this horrable place and get away, I want to go to the beach and start a new life with him and none of his friends, that way I don't have to be reminded of everything that has happend. He tells me that he isn't going to associate with any of his friends from before or drink or any of that shit anymore. But thats not the point, I want to be able to know that I can trust him again and be loved with OUT getting hurt.
He is in so much debt right now, its going to take forever to pay off and I just dont know what to do, I'm so confused. I'm not going to help him pay any of it, as it's not my fault any of this happend. Yet at the same time, I want to be loved and showered with love and flowers and ...sigh all the things that girls want...Oh well..
Why do I let my mind wonder off so much?????
*cries*