I dont feel good.
So yeah, I have been really trying to get past this whole Damen thing..and so far it is kinda working, and kinda not. My sleep patterns and eating patterns are still off quite a bit. I now weigh 105, ( when i met him i was like 145?) and i dont remember the last time I slept at night time. I am starting to have nocturnal sleeping habits. I just want to sleep all day, then I am up all night. Last night I had to sit duty til 3 am....I never went to bed, I had class at 8:30 and I am still awake, but the sleep is starting to hit me now, but I have a class from 1-2:50.
I told my mom about everything, and she is like "I swear to God Rebecca if he ever comes crawling back to you, and you take him back, I will be extremely angry with you." I haven't heard her say that since....Rob?
I am also really jealous. Damen told me the other day he got an apartment finally, and his dad is giving him his truck. It's like..I wish I had something...but I have nothing, and I have no idea where I am headed after school, other than Disney, but that only lasts til January, and I really do not want to live in NY, esp since I will be almost 23 when I come back...if I do.
So Elliot came and sat with me while I sat duty last night, then he ended up staying for the rest of the night, er morning? He kissed me and I didn't like it...not ready to move onto that yet...with anyone. he left at 7 cause I had to go to class at 8, but it was nice to just have someone around. I actually kinda miss having a roomie, I mostly just sit here with my TV or music on to keep me from not getting lonely.
So last night I had dance from 10-11:30. We were supposed to be performing tonight for the girls game, but 4 girls walked off the team last night, (DRAMA!) so we pretty much had to start all over. We finally picked out our tops though, but I have no idea how the hell to wear a bra with them because they are fishnet on the back....
http://www.fredericks.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=Holiday2002&category%5Fname=Clothing-Trendy+Tops&product%5Fid=74188
Frederick's actaully has some pretty cute clothes...too bad I don't have the boobs anymore to wear stuff like that. :/ I told my mom I wanted to get implants...she said I would have to move outta the house if I did that. Its just hard to feel attractive anymore when I have people telling me I have the body of a 10 year old boy. I didn't mean to lose all this weight, I just can't eat because I am so stressed out.
Sarah's 21st is this weekend, so I am probably going to go home on Friday, thinking about coming back Saturday though. Don't really wanna be home for Valentine's day...much rather just be alone, kinda like my b-day.
Well i need to go re-dry my laundry cause the dryer's here suck.
I told my mom about everything, and she is like "I swear to God Rebecca if he ever comes crawling back to you, and you take him back, I will be extremely angry with you." I haven't heard her say that since....Rob?
I am also really jealous. Damen told me the other day he got an apartment finally, and his dad is giving him his truck. It's like..I wish I had something...but I have nothing, and I have no idea where I am headed after school, other than Disney, but that only lasts til January, and I really do not want to live in NY, esp since I will be almost 23 when I come back...if I do.
So Elliot came and sat with me while I sat duty last night, then he ended up staying for the rest of the night, er morning? He kissed me and I didn't like it...not ready to move onto that yet...with anyone. he left at 7 cause I had to go to class at 8, but it was nice to just have someone around. I actually kinda miss having a roomie, I mostly just sit here with my TV or music on to keep me from not getting lonely.
So last night I had dance from 10-11:30. We were supposed to be performing tonight for the girls game, but 4 girls walked off the team last night, (DRAMA!) so we pretty much had to start all over. We finally picked out our tops though, but I have no idea how the hell to wear a bra with them because they are fishnet on the back....
http://www.fredericks.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=Holiday2002&category%5Fname=Clothing-Trendy+Tops&product%5Fid=74188
Frederick's actaully has some pretty cute clothes...too bad I don't have the boobs anymore to wear stuff like that. :/ I told my mom I wanted to get implants...she said I would have to move outta the house if I did that. Its just hard to feel attractive anymore when I have people telling me I have the body of a 10 year old boy. I didn't mean to lose all this weight, I just can't eat because I am so stressed out.
Sarah's 21st is this weekend, so I am probably going to go home on Friday, thinking about coming back Saturday though. Don't really wanna be home for Valentine's day...much rather just be alone, kinda like my b-day.
Well i need to go re-dry my laundry cause the dryer's here suck.