To the man who I fell hard for,
I've told you recently about what I felt, but what I wrote was not everything. I wanted to tell you more, but I was afraid you'd view me as pathetic and desperate. I know this wouldn't reach you and call me a coward for writing this where you wouldn't see but this is the only way I could still retain a piece of myself. Five years ago, I met you when we started college. I was lucky to be in the same block as you. I knew you were good looking, but I didn't have the heart to approach you. Back then, I had a fear of big guys. I really didn't know why, but I did. However, my friends and I made it a thing to introduce ourselves to each others blockmates, so I didn't have the choice, but to talk to you. I remember having a hard time talking to you, but you were a natural to a certain friend of mine. She was pretty, and I knew that I wouldn't stand a chance so I didn't even try talking to you after. During an orientation, I remember promising myself that I would talk to everyone in the block. Try to be friendly and all the shizzle. So I went around trying to talk to everybody, but when it was time to talk to you, my palms suddenly were sweaty and I didn't have the heart to leave my chair. It took a lot of convincing in my head, but at the end I sat beside you. I tried to talk you, but you only replied with one word answers. It was awkward, and I knew that I had to give up on it. I tried and you wouldn't crack so I let it be. I don't know what actually happened after that, but somehow we became a group. You, me, and two others. We'd go to lunch and study together, but that was the end of it. What I did know was I started to fall for you. I always wanted to be your seatmate and for you to always talk to me. During the first day of each class, I wanted you to sit by me voluntarily, but you never did. I didn't want to seem too obvious so I only sat by you on some classes. Since then, we would chat sometimes. My heart always fluttered. When you were auctioned as a model, I was greedy to be the one handcuffed to you. I wanted some alone time with you, which never happened. I remember falling for you, and having a fight with our mutual friend, because we both liked you. I always pretended to like someone else in front of you, because I was afraid you would know about how I feel and you would just feel awkward around me. After our first year, we went separate ways. It wasn't the same and the moments I did have with you were far too short. Even though you were with me, you wanted to do something else. I couldn't stop you, because I didn'thave the right to. Spending time with you was one of the things that made me happy, but you were happy to be somewhere else instead. It opened my eyes to the fact that you never saw me as anything other than a friend. It made me more cautious. I would do everything I could to make myself not like you. I would think of all the reasons of why we could not be together and if we ever were together, why it would not last. I tried everything so that I could forget you, but when I spend time with you, all reasons fly out the window. My reasoning wavers and my heart runs over my brain. Fast forward to five years in, your mother told me and our friends that she wished that I was your girlfriend. It was then that I started hoping for more. My brain knew that I'm fooling myself, but I told you my heart runs over my brain when you're in the mix. After hearing her say that I finally wanted to take action. Somehow, hearing her say that felt like I had a chance. Few months later, I've decided to tell you about how I felt. I knew that there was a sliver to nil chance of you liking me back, but once and for all I had to face it. You are on the way of reaching your dream, and I wasn't a part of that, but to me you are someone I wanted to be with. I knew that I owed it to myself to move on. Days ago, you answered me honestly and I wanted to tell you this but couldn't.
No matter how cheesy it may sound, you were perfect in my eyes. You always showed me how to be true to myself. You always smiled and laughed like problems are nonexistent. You always saw the silver lining that most of us could not see. You amazed me then and still continue to amaze me. Being with you, I would always feel like the world is a better place to live in. You've made me be a better person even without you knowing it. You know what you want and you fight for what you want. Never lose that. I hope that whoever your future would be with would see you for who you are. You deserve to be happy. You're one of the best people I know. Achieve your dreams and continue being you. You're a gem and don't ever let yourself think otherwise.