(no subject)
summer is over. can you believe it went that fast?
i'm on my knees, only memories are left for me to hold...turn my grief to grace
where went the sunny days of lounging in the yard with leanne and an exceptional book? it's all so depressing. i don't know how any of you spend the summer in school. i miss the adolescence already. thats how i feel when the sun is out. i took a day at work, when i had a nice break, and placed a blanket out on the grassy knowl. i layed there, the breeze in my hair, listening to very little but my own breathing. and it was perfection.
i can't believe the news today. oh i can't close my eyes and make it go away
i got yet another title at work this week. AA. which for everyone's benefit means administrative assistent. it means i work in the office, get free meals, and get to dress up real cute without having to wear a suit. and i make $9.50 starting salary. nice. it's pretty easy. a lot to remember, which is why today was only my first day of training. i've got another on saturday. with school starting up, my freetime is completely gone. i have not one day free this semester, and i can already feel schools choke-hold on me. as always i'm less excited than everyone for school to start. i feel like a fake when i go. like i'm only playing at wanting a career or future.
well that after all that we've been through, would you still call this love baby. cause loves the only proof that the ugly could be beautiful
i look at myself and i can't see a life past this one. past shifts at erma's and lonely nights at home that as time passes, feel less lonely and more perfection. i don't know how to act in my house with people around. and seeing as few people ever end up over here, i'm safe from needing direction.
turn me inside out and upside down, and try to see things my way
i've become typecast in the same part for so long that i'm not sure exactly if this is who i want to be or if i just stay here because i feel safe or i'm ashamed. i feel awkward in crowds. more so if i've known them. i feel awkward around people who still see me the way i was at 18. and i don't help them see differently. i fall back into it to preserve what's expected.
you know theres no need to hide away, you know i tell the truth. we are just the same
maybe i'm lucky that didn't happen with tim. i found great pleasure in being exactly who i was that day, and he liked seeing the changes. i think, had i tried to be that 14 year old girl, we never would have stayed friends.
i'm doing the best that i could, trying my best to be understood. maybe i'm changing slowly
i'd like to break out into the girl i am when i'm home alone. or the girl i let myself be sometimes at work. innocent with childlike qualities mixed with an overabundance of abused experience. i like me the best then
what do you do with the left over you? how do you know when to let go? where does the good go?
i guess this is all brought on because when leanne was home...well lets just say i'm not the friend she goes to when she wants to party. i'm the hang at home and have a jennifer love hewitt movie marathon girl. and i don't have being that girl. i just wish i had the guts to be the other one sometimes. or to be seen as a girl who could be that other girl. but she's right, i'm not really that other girl. and i won't be until i start trying to be. and thats the hard part.
i wanna pull it apart and put it back together. i wanna relive all my adolescent dreams inspired by true events on movie screens. i am a one man wrecking machine
my dad keeps telling me it's easy to make my life the way i want it right here. that i could have the kind of college life most kids have. is it cynicism? fright? shyness? what keeps me from having it. i blame it on the fact that i work alot. that umd isn't really a normal college. it's not really somewhere one goes to make new friends. and then i see andrea adkins, and i'm completely proven wrong.
i hate everyone. all the people on the street, i hate you all. and the people that i meet, i hate you all. and the people that i know, i hate you all. and the people that i don't, i hate you all...and he was 6'3 and 200 pounds of satan
figure out any of the songs and i'll be comletely impressed...yeah that may just be a challenge from me to you. it's an excuse to procrastinate homework. you can thank me later.