(no subject)
as usual, the sun and the breeze in my hair have me wising that things were different. i guess it's all the books and movies and tv shows that i watch. all the illusions that i pay close attention to.
in time we'll be dancing in the streets all night
it's not that i'm regretting all the choices i've made this summer. it's that i'm regretting that i couldn't have made them sooner. i'm scared that i'm missing too much of life. like instead of wishing things could be different, i'd be making them that way. i'm really bad at getting what i want.
although you worry, we'll all float on alright...don't worry
summer started and i imagined summer nights in the backyard with new and old friends surrounding a fire. it happened once. i imagined waking up to people sleeping on the floors and in the spare and on the couch. and the closest i got was the night anthony drove off drunk and stranded tim and greg in canada.
with pretty-eyed boys girls die to trust...no i can't resist the day
i guess i finally learned my lesson on boys this summer. carlene's in a fully normal relationship with a great guy. erin's...well erin's doing her thing, and thats all we can ask for. christina...we didn't talk about boys on our panera date. maybe we'll need to meet up again to rectify that. and i finally realized that sometimes getting a guy doesn't mean you should fake it. if it's not there, you shouldn't try so hard to make it there, no matter how long you've been waiting for a dorky, really nice guy to crush on you like high school. pretending will only cause problems, and in the end, you lose too much of yourself and your integrity in the process.
goodness knows i saw it coming, or at least i'll claim i did. but in truth i'm lost for words
i told myself i wanted to be more trustworthy. when i was younger people would come to me with problems, and i liked being there for them. but since i started at max and erma's, or least started talking, i've been somewhat the gossip queen. and it's okay, i liked knowing everything, and being able to feed like-minded people like jill with the same info, i started to worry that people would see me less as someone who can keep a secret and more as someone who would tell everyone. i didn't want the reputation of having a big mouth. and then pat scott entered. as big of an ass as he can be, he started to confide in me. and since then, i've felt so much lighter, even though i now know more. who would have thought that in the end, i might think of pat scott as a...friend?
your chances are half chance. so are everybody elses
i'm starting to really think about school again. i spend most of my summer in denial that it'll end, and that four monthes will fly by and i'll be left scared for the days when i can't open a window, or the sun will fail to warm my face. i really do love this weather