Fuck. this. noise.
I ended up crying after all. The minute I stopped being busy for one moment - around 4 p.m. - I started, and kept, crying. It ceased temporarily around 5:30 when I had to go to class because fortunately there was plenty of work to do today. When I got home around 9:30 though, he was waiting there quietly. When I saw him I burst into tears. It wouldn't stop. So I couldn't even wallow in my own misery by myself; I had to have a witness. How humiliating.
I'm angry for being so sad about it despite my best efforts otherwise. I want to say that by the end of the week, the violence of the reaction will die down and equilibrium will be achieved. That by then I'll be relatively fine. And maybe it will be like that.
Right now, though, I'm burning up inside with shame and anger, making myself nauseous. My eyeballs are also sore from all the crying. Not so okay with that, but it will pass with time.
Thankfully, I am always stupidly optimistic, and hope that in a few days I will be able to pick myself up off the floor, but still be pissed off enough not to make the mistake of placing myself in this position again.
Oh, Wilco. I hear you. I really do.
What am I gonna do when I run out of shirts to fold?
What am I gonna do when I run out of lawn to mow?
What am I gonna do if you never come home?
Tell me, what am I gonna do?
I hate it
I hate it here
When you’re gone
[2:05 a.m.] I wash dishes when I'm upset or drunk. Only the former applies right now, though. It's an old habit from my days working in restaurants - wash dishes to get away from people / problems. Just got done doing a whole sink full of them, and feeling a lot better now.
I'm angry for being so sad about it despite my best efforts otherwise. I want to say that by the end of the week, the violence of the reaction will die down and equilibrium will be achieved. That by then I'll be relatively fine. And maybe it will be like that.
Right now, though, I'm burning up inside with shame and anger, making myself nauseous. My eyeballs are also sore from all the crying. Not so okay with that, but it will pass with time.
Thankfully, I am always stupidly optimistic, and hope that in a few days I will be able to pick myself up off the floor, but still be pissed off enough not to make the mistake of placing myself in this position again.
Oh, Wilco. I hear you. I really do.
What am I gonna do when I run out of shirts to fold?
What am I gonna do when I run out of lawn to mow?
What am I gonna do if you never come home?
Tell me, what am I gonna do?
I hate it
I hate it here
When you’re gone
[2:05 a.m.] I wash dishes when I'm upset or drunk. Only the former applies right now, though. It's an old habit from my days working in restaurants - wash dishes to get away from people / problems. Just got done doing a whole sink full of them, and feeling a lot better now.