I_Am_Completely_Innocent
---
The man two feet to my right is very, very confused. He is staring at his mobile phone on a Tube car in London, and he has just received a message from an address that he does not recognize. There's not even a number. It has materialized, unbidden, onto his screen.
Please answer as many of the following questions as you can. Work with ferocious intensity and/or gentle reflection. Don't push on till you're exhausted, but try to come as close to total combustion as you can.
I get off at the next stop, because I am to blame for all of this.
I'm not entirely sure why I do this, except that it makes me happy in a unexpected way. The technical term is 'bluejacking,' after the Bluetooth program on most mobile phones. Bluetooth allows for the transmission of pictures and text messages. Or in my case, questions.
Be innocently truthful and spontaneously thoughtful, or else gratuitously sarcastic and recklessly flippant. If you find yourself responding with ideas that you used to believe but don't any more, abandon them and start over.
You can ask your mobile to search for other phones in the area that also use Bluetooth: it has a range of about ten meters. Most people don't even know that their phones can be detected like this, and a lot of phones don't even ask permission before downloading whatever they're given. And no one expects a spontaneous bunch of questions to burst out at them from the aether.
Take advantage of this rare opportunity to be creative and authentic for no reason. Don't save yourself for 'something better.'
If I'm not reading or with friends, this is what I do when going from Point A to Point B.
1. What did you dream last night?
2. What image or symbol represents the absolute of your desires?
3. In what ways has your fate been affected by invisible forces you don't understand or are barely aware of?"
I did not write these questions - I admit that much. I'm not that good. They are cribbed directly from The Televisionary Oracle, a book for which I have a great deal of respect. The author is Rob Brezny, who used to be a rock star but nowadays writes beloved horoscopes. He is also known for standing out on street corners and intersections, once a year, with five-dollar bills and a cardboard sign that reads, 'I need to give; I love to help; please take my money.'
4. Tell a good lie.
5. What were the circumstances in which you were most dangerously alive?
6. Are you a good listener? If so, describe how you listen. If not, explain why not.
7. Compose an exciting prayer in which you ask for something you're not supposed to.
I hope this is harmless. Confusing, but harmless. At worst, I imagine, a technophobe will dart his eyes from side to side and wonder if he's finally gone absolutely barking mad, because his phone is suddenly quizzing him about the great moral quandaries of the age. Or more likely, these questions will go down the drain with every other damn piece of spam in their inbox.
8. What's the difference between right and wrong?
9. Name something you've done to undo, subvert, or neutralize the Battle of the Sexes.
10. Have you ever witnessed a child being born? If so, describe how it changed you.
11. Compose a beautiful blasphemy that makes you feel like crying.
12. What do you do to make people like you?
But at best, someone will actually be shaken out of their workaday trance, their bitter discontents, their everyday distractions, their thousand-yard-stare commute. Don't lie. Sometimes, you want to go through unlocked doors. Sometimes, you wouldn't mind for an adventure to come along and kick you in the ass when you're not looking.
13. If you're not familiar with the Jungian concept of the "shadow," find out about it. If you are, good. In either case, give a description of the nature of your personal shadow.
14. Talk about three of your most interesting personalities. Give each one a name and a power animal.
15. Make up a dream in which you lose control and thereby attract a crowd of worshipers.
16. Name your greatest unnecessary taboo and how you would violate it if it didn't hurt anyone.
I don't think anyone has ever seen me, or has ever caught my eye and furrowed their brow in realization as we all huddle out the doors at our final destination. And that's how I prefer it. I want this to be a gift from no one in particular. I don't want anyone to ever remember the bespectacled boy who stood over their shoulder, pressing 'Send.'
17. Give an example of how smart you are in the way you love.
18. What ignorance do you deserve to be forgiven for?
19. What was the pain that healed you the most?
20. Make a prediction about yourself.
All I want is that they answer some questions.
***EXTRA CREDIT***
In the ancient Greek epic, Odysseus and his men become stranded on an island belonging to the sorceress Circe. In a famous scene, Circe uses magic to turn the men into pigs. Later, though, in an episode that's often underemphasized by casual readers, she changes them back into men--only they're stronger, braver, and more beautiful than before they were pigs. Tell an analogous story from your own life.
The man two feet to my right is very, very confused. He is staring at his mobile phone on a Tube car in London, and he has just received a message from an address that he does not recognize. There's not even a number. It has materialized, unbidden, onto his screen.
Please answer as many of the following questions as you can. Work with ferocious intensity and/or gentle reflection. Don't push on till you're exhausted, but try to come as close to total combustion as you can.
I get off at the next stop, because I am to blame for all of this.
I'm not entirely sure why I do this, except that it makes me happy in a unexpected way. The technical term is 'bluejacking,' after the Bluetooth program on most mobile phones. Bluetooth allows for the transmission of pictures and text messages. Or in my case, questions.
Be innocently truthful and spontaneously thoughtful, or else gratuitously sarcastic and recklessly flippant. If you find yourself responding with ideas that you used to believe but don't any more, abandon them and start over.
You can ask your mobile to search for other phones in the area that also use Bluetooth: it has a range of about ten meters. Most people don't even know that their phones can be detected like this, and a lot of phones don't even ask permission before downloading whatever they're given. And no one expects a spontaneous bunch of questions to burst out at them from the aether.
Take advantage of this rare opportunity to be creative and authentic for no reason. Don't save yourself for 'something better.'
If I'm not reading or with friends, this is what I do when going from Point A to Point B.
1. What did you dream last night?
2. What image or symbol represents the absolute of your desires?
3. In what ways has your fate been affected by invisible forces you don't understand or are barely aware of?"
I did not write these questions - I admit that much. I'm not that good. They are cribbed directly from The Televisionary Oracle, a book for which I have a great deal of respect. The author is Rob Brezny, who used to be a rock star but nowadays writes beloved horoscopes. He is also known for standing out on street corners and intersections, once a year, with five-dollar bills and a cardboard sign that reads, 'I need to give; I love to help; please take my money.'
4. Tell a good lie.
5. What were the circumstances in which you were most dangerously alive?
6. Are you a good listener? If so, describe how you listen. If not, explain why not.
7. Compose an exciting prayer in which you ask for something you're not supposed to.
I hope this is harmless. Confusing, but harmless. At worst, I imagine, a technophobe will dart his eyes from side to side and wonder if he's finally gone absolutely barking mad, because his phone is suddenly quizzing him about the great moral quandaries of the age. Or more likely, these questions will go down the drain with every other damn piece of spam in their inbox.
8. What's the difference between right and wrong?
9. Name something you've done to undo, subvert, or neutralize the Battle of the Sexes.
10. Have you ever witnessed a child being born? If so, describe how it changed you.
11. Compose a beautiful blasphemy that makes you feel like crying.
12. What do you do to make people like you?
But at best, someone will actually be shaken out of their workaday trance, their bitter discontents, their everyday distractions, their thousand-yard-stare commute. Don't lie. Sometimes, you want to go through unlocked doors. Sometimes, you wouldn't mind for an adventure to come along and kick you in the ass when you're not looking.
13. If you're not familiar with the Jungian concept of the "shadow," find out about it. If you are, good. In either case, give a description of the nature of your personal shadow.
14. Talk about three of your most interesting personalities. Give each one a name and a power animal.
15. Make up a dream in which you lose control and thereby attract a crowd of worshipers.
16. Name your greatest unnecessary taboo and how you would violate it if it didn't hurt anyone.
I don't think anyone has ever seen me, or has ever caught my eye and furrowed their brow in realization as we all huddle out the doors at our final destination. And that's how I prefer it. I want this to be a gift from no one in particular. I don't want anyone to ever remember the bespectacled boy who stood over their shoulder, pressing 'Send.'
17. Give an example of how smart you are in the way you love.
18. What ignorance do you deserve to be forgiven for?
19. What was the pain that healed you the most?
20. Make a prediction about yourself.
All I want is that they answer some questions.
***EXTRA CREDIT***
In the ancient Greek epic, Odysseus and his men become stranded on an island belonging to the sorceress Circe. In a famous scene, Circe uses magic to turn the men into pigs. Later, though, in an episode that's often underemphasized by casual readers, she changes them back into men--only they're stronger, braver, and more beautiful than before they were pigs. Tell an analogous story from your own life.