(no subject)
Something else that's irritating me more every day is my co-teacher, Ms. Bowling. She did something today that made me feel like shit on a tree stump. Ok, she's been the primary source of showing me the ropes at Evangel. Great. Whoopdeedoo! I share the room with her, so in reality, I am coming in to her space, but she's cool about that, I guess. She's the history teacher and she knows virtually all of the students and goes way back with a lot of them. Today, in English, it was evident the 10th grade class didnt read the reading asignment over the weekend. The book we're reading right now is irritating all of us because they've been reading that one book since the beginning of September. Because they've had so many teachers, every teacher goes back and starts at an earlier stage of the book. The book is Oliver Twist, by the way, and if anyone read it, you'll know Dickens gets on ur nerves with all this frickin' weird language and imagery. Makes u wanna spit on his grave. Anyway, I was upset with 10th grade because they're tired of this book already and they want to be rid of it, but they dont wanna read the assignments to speed up the process. So I told them that they would have to read the chapter assigned over the weekend right there in class and suffer. Now, Ms. Bowling's sitting at her desk and observing the situation. She's just as annoyed at them as I am. So right after I tell them they have to read the chapter in class, she thwarts me and tells them they have quiz. What the fuck? I just told them to read the chapter. Dont tell them a different story.
Now, this is the thing, she's my co-teacher and all and she helps me with the classes sometimes when their behavior gets out of hand, but like, I'm the English teacher. It's my class. Then, there was this big confusion because the class didnt know who to listen to. Of course, me being the newcomer and feeling that she had more of the upper hand, told the class to listen to her. They were upset and they started to tell me that she wasnt their teacher, blah blah blah and she had no right to give them an assignment. I agreed with the class but I didnt say anything. I swallowed my curse words, irate glances I wanted to give her and instructed them to listen to her. One kid kept telling me why I'm letting a "white woman rule me." I wanted to tell him to shut the fuck up and suck and egg, but I slapped him with a demerit instead. So now, the class thinks that Ms. Bowling has me whipped. And u know what, it's not them thinking that that bothers me that much. It's the fact that Ms. Bowling just took matters into her own hands. Sometimes, I feel like she doesnt let me truly handle the class on my own.
She really annoys me. It took her three weeks to show me a 2 minute process of how to enter the students grades on the computer. Like what the fuck is up with that? She's getting married, she's tired, she's sick, she's stressed because she's helping Mrs. Marko with prinicpal/administrative stuff, she's this, she's that, so I dont sweat, or try my best to hide my aggravation. I Feel like a lot of the times she tells me how to correct things after I screw up. There are so many things that I didnt know about Evangel in terms of the rules, grading procedures and all of that. I asked a lot of questions, but obviously I didnt ask all of the right questions because when I decide to do stuff certain ways, I Get corrected and I end up feeling like an asshole because some damage has already been done.
U know, yesterday really has me jaded right now. Like, there was a time when all of this would have bothered me to the point where I felt like some resolution needed to be met pronto. But honestly, with my whole uncertainty of wanting to come back next year, my deep seeded reservations about teaching in the first place, and summer coming up, I dont give two damns right now. I mean, I still enjoy teaching to a certain degree, but all this drama right now just makes me more indifferent and be like, whatever. I'm not going to come home and stress myself over a job I'm trying to finish because so many teachers vacated it within the past 5 months. I'm trying my best. And that's all I can fuckin' give.