life sucks right now
Yesterday is banned from EVER happening again. The short story is this. I got the job in Orlando since I was not getting hours at my store (walgreens-pharmacy). It is the same company but different position. No jobs here so I went there. I just finished a week of training and driving back and forth to Orlando all week. My cat Sophia finially decided to have her kittens on my bed at 12am thursday morning (I had to be at work at 8am in Orlando the next day.) The kittens were born healthy as far as I could tell.
fast forward. yesterday. I woke up and went to do errends that needed to be done. I drove to inverness to get stuff that I told gram that I would get for her and I'm driving along and my tire blows out. Okay. Get to mechanic store and they put my donut on and change my oil. BTW it is raining like hell out. Get done with that and get stuff for gram. Go to tire store and spend $ I don't have since I haven't gotten a full paycheck in months. Come home and am told that one of the kittens was found in the living room bleeding. There was lots of blood. I go to the room since they put the kitten back with her mother who probably is the one that took the kitten out of the room in the first place and find the kitten barely breathing and not doing so good. I held it until it died. Elizabeth helped me bury it with the kitten that I thought had died at birth. So it is two kittens dead. I was very upset to see the kitten die. If it had just died it would have been one thing but I WATCHED it die and I could not do anything to make it less aweful for the poor kitten. So a very distraught Becca talks to Eli (boyfriend in Israel) and he helps and then go to get a bath to help feel better. I am finally starting to feel like I have a hold on my emotions. I go into my room and what do I find? Blood. Alot of it. And then I see the little kitten off to the side with blood all over its little face. I lost it. It was gasping for breath and it was horrible. I held that one until it died. Three kittens dead. Two in one day. I have buried 5 cats this year. I can't bear to do it again. So now I am really worried about the three kittens left from a litter of 6. We called the animal hospital (not me. I was too upset) and I drive all the way out to Ocala to have the momma and the kittens looked at. I spend 5 hours waiting with Elizabeth. they tell me that they all seem fine after the exam. $200 later.
I have eaten once today. A burrito from taco bell. I have been crying all day. and finally at 145am I get home and can eat a little something so I stop feeling naseous. We don't know what happened to the kittens to make them bleed out like they did. The other animals have not been around them and sophie has been a good mom. She is nursing them and keeping them warm. I have not seen any aggressive behavior on her part or any of the other animals. Sahsa does not like the kittens but she was not in the house to be able to hurt them. So I don't know. I'm terrified that I will wake up and find another almost dead kitten. I keep waking up to check on them and I get scared evertime one seems to not move as much as I think they should. I cant stand to watch another die.
Eli is going "on patrol" today in the Gaza Strip. Which adds to my worries. He says there is no danger but all the time you hear about violence in gaza strip. So it scares me. I dont know when he will be back home. He doesn't either and on the base there is no internet. So I wont hear from him until whenever. That bothers me. If I knew when to expect him It would not bother me so much. But not knowing is worrisome to me. I love him so much.
yesterday was supposed to be cleaning day since I had a new schedule with work and have been totally exhausted. But that did not happen. All the sheets are dirty from the bleeding cats. I have not had a chance to wash them. The house is aweful. There is a blood stain on the floor. I'm exhausted but can't sleep. I want Eli to be here to hold me and help me through this. So yesterday sucked and I don't see that it is going to be much better today.
fast forward. yesterday. I woke up and went to do errends that needed to be done. I drove to inverness to get stuff that I told gram that I would get for her and I'm driving along and my tire blows out. Okay. Get to mechanic store and they put my donut on and change my oil. BTW it is raining like hell out. Get done with that and get stuff for gram. Go to tire store and spend $ I don't have since I haven't gotten a full paycheck in months. Come home and am told that one of the kittens was found in the living room bleeding. There was lots of blood. I go to the room since they put the kitten back with her mother who probably is the one that took the kitten out of the room in the first place and find the kitten barely breathing and not doing so good. I held it until it died. Elizabeth helped me bury it with the kitten that I thought had died at birth. So it is two kittens dead. I was very upset to see the kitten die. If it had just died it would have been one thing but I WATCHED it die and I could not do anything to make it less aweful for the poor kitten. So a very distraught Becca talks to Eli (boyfriend in Israel) and he helps and then go to get a bath to help feel better. I am finally starting to feel like I have a hold on my emotions. I go into my room and what do I find? Blood. Alot of it. And then I see the little kitten off to the side with blood all over its little face. I lost it. It was gasping for breath and it was horrible. I held that one until it died. Three kittens dead. Two in one day. I have buried 5 cats this year. I can't bear to do it again. So now I am really worried about the three kittens left from a litter of 6. We called the animal hospital (not me. I was too upset) and I drive all the way out to Ocala to have the momma and the kittens looked at. I spend 5 hours waiting with Elizabeth. they tell me that they all seem fine after the exam. $200 later.
I have eaten once today. A burrito from taco bell. I have been crying all day. and finally at 145am I get home and can eat a little something so I stop feeling naseous. We don't know what happened to the kittens to make them bleed out like they did. The other animals have not been around them and sophie has been a good mom. She is nursing them and keeping them warm. I have not seen any aggressive behavior on her part or any of the other animals. Sahsa does not like the kittens but she was not in the house to be able to hurt them. So I don't know. I'm terrified that I will wake up and find another almost dead kitten. I keep waking up to check on them and I get scared evertime one seems to not move as much as I think they should. I cant stand to watch another die.
Eli is going "on patrol" today in the Gaza Strip. Which adds to my worries. He says there is no danger but all the time you hear about violence in gaza strip. So it scares me. I dont know when he will be back home. He doesn't either and on the base there is no internet. So I wont hear from him until whenever. That bothers me. If I knew when to expect him It would not bother me so much. But not knowing is worrisome to me. I love him so much.
yesterday was supposed to be cleaning day since I had a new schedule with work and have been totally exhausted. But that did not happen. All the sheets are dirty from the bleeding cats. I have not had a chance to wash them. The house is aweful. There is a blood stain on the floor. I'm exhausted but can't sleep. I want Eli to be here to hold me and help me through this. So yesterday sucked and I don't see that it is going to be much better today.