late night thoughts
i need something, but i'm not sure what. it's like this void. things are pretty much okay, but there's just always this undercurrant of...i don't know, discontent maybe? uncertainty. maybe that's more like it. and yes, i know i need a job...but it's more than that. that is only a fraction of this void, i think.
anyway, i wish things didn't seem so trivial and insignificant. jason and i haven't seen eachother in 2 months and i feel like we're both just complacent. just okay. the usual. but sometimes it just feels like there's nothing there. it should be more than that to both of us. but maybe we only do these things, like phone calls, out of habit. maybe we're such good friends that we don't want to just part ways...but these are pretty weird circumstances. i think he's annoyed and confused by it, too. maybe distracted with a lot of things. it's just different. i don't know. maybe we should talk. maybe not....maybe it's all in my head.
i went out the other night because alexandra, tonya, and this girl victoria came up and invited me. we saw celebrities. i made potential job connections, potential plans, as expected really...blah blah blah. again, insignificant. excitement seems dead sometimes...i feel inconvenienced by things that other people love to do. things i used to love to do. i don't know what happened to me. as lame as it sounds, i think going out can be pretty overrated. maybe i'm just a loser. i have the most fun when things are just laid back. i don't like meeting new people anymore...not total strangers, anyway. i only like meeting people if i feel like they're worth it. so if sierra introduces me, generally that means they're good people. but clubs...forget it. i don't wanna talk to anyone but who i came with.
anyway, tomorrow i'll distract myself with remodeling the downstairs room again and going to the gym early. mom just got home but she's going to work in the morning again. to narita. hopefully the tsunami is not a rational fear. they had a huge earthquake there today, so there's a lot of talk about a potential tsunami strike.
maybe we'll have a vacation at some point...hopefully.
i need to sleep.
i miss sierra.
anyway, i wish things didn't seem so trivial and insignificant. jason and i haven't seen eachother in 2 months and i feel like we're both just complacent. just okay. the usual. but sometimes it just feels like there's nothing there. it should be more than that to both of us. but maybe we only do these things, like phone calls, out of habit. maybe we're such good friends that we don't want to just part ways...but these are pretty weird circumstances. i think he's annoyed and confused by it, too. maybe distracted with a lot of things. it's just different. i don't know. maybe we should talk. maybe not....maybe it's all in my head.
i went out the other night because alexandra, tonya, and this girl victoria came up and invited me. we saw celebrities. i made potential job connections, potential plans, as expected really...blah blah blah. again, insignificant. excitement seems dead sometimes...i feel inconvenienced by things that other people love to do. things i used to love to do. i don't know what happened to me. as lame as it sounds, i think going out can be pretty overrated. maybe i'm just a loser. i have the most fun when things are just laid back. i don't like meeting new people anymore...not total strangers, anyway. i only like meeting people if i feel like they're worth it. so if sierra introduces me, generally that means they're good people. but clubs...forget it. i don't wanna talk to anyone but who i came with.
anyway, tomorrow i'll distract myself with remodeling the downstairs room again and going to the gym early. mom just got home but she's going to work in the morning again. to narita. hopefully the tsunami is not a rational fear. they had a huge earthquake there today, so there's a lot of talk about a potential tsunami strike.
maybe we'll have a vacation at some point...hopefully.
i need to sleep.
i miss sierra.