Heartbeat
Title: Heartbeat
Pairing: Yunho x Jaejoong
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: They are mine only in my heart.
Genre: Angst, drama, romance, tragedy
Length: Oneshot
Warnings: Unbeta-ed, there may or may not be character death (but I don't want to spoil the ending so it's a risk on your own part lol)
Summary: Jaejoong is in coma. Yunho is by his side.
Comatose.
Yunho sighs as he lets the word roll off his tongue. How was it even possible? Comatose. One day, Jaejoong had been alive, filling rooms with his busy and outgoing personality, the other day he had been nailed to a bed, to all kinds of machines that he needed to stay alive. Comatose. Even after all those weeks, it was still hard to believe.
Yunho looks at the peaceful face of Jaejoong, his skin appearing even paler than normal because of the bright hospital lights. He hears the obvious silence screaming to be broken in the room and it's an uncomfortable silence because there's nobody else but Jaejoong and him and the machines working to keep the man alive.
Yunho looks at the cardiogram, staring at the steady heartbeats. The sounds of them are filling his ears.
One heartbeat.
Yunho is sure that everything eventually will be fine. He's sure of it. Jaejoong never was the type to just give up and his raging energy could never be suppressed by anything at all, no matter how hard someone tried. Everything would be fine.
Twenty heartbeats.
There's a small but sad smile on Yunho's lips because he knows he's too hopeful. He reaches out his hand, his tanned one gently taking the pale one lying on bed. He holds it, intertwines their fingers, warms it with his own body warmth and gives it an encouraging squeeze. Fight, you must fight.
Fifty-six heartbeats.
He's taking in the beauty of Jaejoong's face. His skin is pale, too pale, but that doesn't take the smoothness he had always admired away. His lips are a soft rosy pink and they still have the same plumpness as they always had. His dark eyelashes are long, resting like feathers on his skin, and contrasting starkly with his pale complexion. The man was still the same as the beautiful man in his memories.
Hundred and forty heartbeats.
Yunho can't take his eyes off the man he loves so desperately. Everything in his head is Jaejoong, Jaejoong, Jaejoong and nothing else matters anymore to him.
Hundred and ninety-seven heartbeats.
It's so easy to pretend that Jaejoong is just sleeping. That the morning light is softly falling on his face, that he's still in a world far far away, vividly coloured images playing in front of his eyes. The sound of his rhythmical breathing only makes it easier for Yunho to pretend because pretending is all he can do to remain calm in a situation like this.
Two hundred and seventy-five heartbeats.
Yunho wonders if the world Jaejoong lives in is so much better than the cruel reality he has to live in. His eyes are closed and he can't see if they carry its normally pained expression but everything in Jaejoong's exterior is just so peaceful. Yunho can't - no, he doesn't want to - imagine him to be stuck in a world with pain.
Three hundred and twelve heartbeats.
"Jaejoong-ah..." his voice croaks, his throat too dry because of all the emotions he's feeling. However, he can't take it anymore. Doesn't everyone say that people in comas could hear what people around them were saying? Yunho wants to say so much - so much that his head almost explodes because of all his feelings.
He wants to say that he can't live without him, that Jaejoong shouldn't leave him, that he should just wake up and stop making people worry about him, that he shouldn't be so egoistic to go to another world on his own.
Instead, the selfish words die somewhere in his throat and he just says, "I'm here... Please wake up."
Three hundred and ninety-eight heartbeats.
He wonders if he should just leave because he can't take the silence anymore, because he feels himself being strangled and suffocated by the thick air in the room. However, his limbs refuse to move and Yunho continues staring at the peaceful expression on Jaejoong's face.
Four hundred and seventy-eight heartbeats.
He starts telling about his day. That's the only thing he can do because the silence in the room is driving him to the boundaries of insanity. "Today..." he begins, and the sound of his own voice filled with tears makes him cringe, "Today... when I brushed my teeth, Changmin didn't even get mad at me for not properly squeezing the tube of tooth paste, don't you think that's strange and funny and..."
His voice dies. Not only because he realizes that his story probably is the most uninteresting story on earth, one where the listener would gladly make the teller stop before he dies from boredom, but also because Yunho knows exactly why Changmin didn't get mad at him this morning.
Five hundred and seventy-one heartbeats.
He can't take it anymore. He can't take the silence anymore. Everything is driving him insane.
Five hundred and eighty heartbeats.
"Please..." Yunho begs. "Please wake up. I need you, I'm a selfish man, please wake up because I can't live in a world without you. Please wake up. Please please please..."
Seven hundred and twenty heartbeats.
When had he started crying? When had he started to clutch Jaejoong's hand so tightly that the strength he was putting was far beyond comfort? When had he clasped both hands around Jaejoong's and started praying to a God that might refuse to hear his prayers?
One thousand heartbeats.
The tears and the words won't stop. He can't stop. The sole thought of a world without Jaejoong is driving him insane. He can't stop.
He mutters the words to his only hope somewhere in the sky.
Twelve hundred and fourty-eight heartbeats.
He feels empty. All the strength seems to have disappeared from him in a matter of minutes and Yunho isn't sure if he even wants Jaejoong to see him like this. A bitter voice in his head snaps at him that Jaejoong is stuck in a deep sleep and would never be able to see him being reduced to this pathetic state.
He immediately feels guilty for thinking something like that.
Fourteen hundred and fifty-four heartbeats.
His hand is reaching out, softly caressing Jaejoong's cheek, the skin still smooth as ever. He's brushing lost strands of hair out of his face and Yunho wonders how much longer he can actually do this without going insane.
Fifteen hundred and eighty-four heartbeats.
He slowly starts singing a song, a ballad, the words falling from his lips. His voice breaks the silence in the room and this time, his attempt is more successful. At least he didn't have to try entertaining someone with a boring story about his pathetic life.
Four thousand heartbeats.
He sings until his voice gives out.
Five thousand six hundred and eighty heartbeats.
Jaejoong is still peacefully sleeping and Yunho wonders if this is all some sick kind of joke. He still can't believe that this is actually happening to him, how could it? One moment, he was standing on top of the world, the other moment, the person who meant the most to him was taken away from him, his world tumbling towards the ground and breaking into five thousand six hundred and eighty small pieces.
Six thousand and twenty-one heartbeats.
The rhythmic beating of the heart is the only thing that keeps Yunho to this place right now. He knows he would lose himself into a turmoil of madness if he didn't have this one steady thing in his life to hold onto. Every heartbeat was one of hope. "Keep fighting. As long as you'll fight, I'll fight for you too," he whispers, clutching onto Jaejoong's hand.
Nine thousand and forty-six heartbeats.
Yunho wonders if it might be uncomfortable to lie in the same position the entire day - although weeks, maybe even month, would probably be more fitting for this situation. He frees his hand from Jaejoong's, his fingers stiff because of the desperate lock he had kept Jaejoong's fingers into, before he starts massaging the pale legs of the man.
"Do you remember when you used to do this for me after every dance practice?" he says, talking just to break the silence. "My hands aren't as skilled as yours but when you wake up, you'll thank me for this."
Twelve thousand heartbeats.
This heart wrenching pain that hits him in the gut almost becomes too much for him. The only thing that keeps him steady to the ground is the count of the heartbeats because that means that he has lived another twelve thousand heartbeats with the man that is so dear to him.
Seventeen thousand and sixty-eight heartbeats.
"I love you..." Yunho says. "I love you so don't do this to me. I love you so wake up, please."
Twenty thousand heartbeats.
There are no more after that.
Pairing: Yunho x Jaejoong
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: They are mine only in my heart.
Genre: Angst, drama, romance, tragedy
Length: Oneshot
Warnings: Unbeta-ed, there may or may not be character death (but I don't want to spoil the ending so it's a risk on your own part lol)
Summary: Jaejoong is in coma. Yunho is by his side.
Comatose.
Yunho sighs as he lets the word roll off his tongue. How was it even possible? Comatose. One day, Jaejoong had been alive, filling rooms with his busy and outgoing personality, the other day he had been nailed to a bed, to all kinds of machines that he needed to stay alive. Comatose. Even after all those weeks, it was still hard to believe.
Yunho looks at the peaceful face of Jaejoong, his skin appearing even paler than normal because of the bright hospital lights. He hears the obvious silence screaming to be broken in the room and it's an uncomfortable silence because there's nobody else but Jaejoong and him and the machines working to keep the man alive.
Yunho looks at the cardiogram, staring at the steady heartbeats. The sounds of them are filling his ears.
One heartbeat.
Yunho is sure that everything eventually will be fine. He's sure of it. Jaejoong never was the type to just give up and his raging energy could never be suppressed by anything at all, no matter how hard someone tried. Everything would be fine.
Twenty heartbeats.
There's a small but sad smile on Yunho's lips because he knows he's too hopeful. He reaches out his hand, his tanned one gently taking the pale one lying on bed. He holds it, intertwines their fingers, warms it with his own body warmth and gives it an encouraging squeeze. Fight, you must fight.
Fifty-six heartbeats.
He's taking in the beauty of Jaejoong's face. His skin is pale, too pale, but that doesn't take the smoothness he had always admired away. His lips are a soft rosy pink and they still have the same plumpness as they always had. His dark eyelashes are long, resting like feathers on his skin, and contrasting starkly with his pale complexion. The man was still the same as the beautiful man in his memories.
Hundred and forty heartbeats.
Yunho can't take his eyes off the man he loves so desperately. Everything in his head is Jaejoong, Jaejoong, Jaejoong and nothing else matters anymore to him.
Hundred and ninety-seven heartbeats.
It's so easy to pretend that Jaejoong is just sleeping. That the morning light is softly falling on his face, that he's still in a world far far away, vividly coloured images playing in front of his eyes. The sound of his rhythmical breathing only makes it easier for Yunho to pretend because pretending is all he can do to remain calm in a situation like this.
Two hundred and seventy-five heartbeats.
Yunho wonders if the world Jaejoong lives in is so much better than the cruel reality he has to live in. His eyes are closed and he can't see if they carry its normally pained expression but everything in Jaejoong's exterior is just so peaceful. Yunho can't - no, he doesn't want to - imagine him to be stuck in a world with pain.
Three hundred and twelve heartbeats.
"Jaejoong-ah..." his voice croaks, his throat too dry because of all the emotions he's feeling. However, he can't take it anymore. Doesn't everyone say that people in comas could hear what people around them were saying? Yunho wants to say so much - so much that his head almost explodes because of all his feelings.
He wants to say that he can't live without him, that Jaejoong shouldn't leave him, that he should just wake up and stop making people worry about him, that he shouldn't be so egoistic to go to another world on his own.
Instead, the selfish words die somewhere in his throat and he just says, "I'm here... Please wake up."
Three hundred and ninety-eight heartbeats.
He wonders if he should just leave because he can't take the silence anymore, because he feels himself being strangled and suffocated by the thick air in the room. However, his limbs refuse to move and Yunho continues staring at the peaceful expression on Jaejoong's face.
Four hundred and seventy-eight heartbeats.
He starts telling about his day. That's the only thing he can do because the silence in the room is driving him to the boundaries of insanity. "Today..." he begins, and the sound of his own voice filled with tears makes him cringe, "Today... when I brushed my teeth, Changmin didn't even get mad at me for not properly squeezing the tube of tooth paste, don't you think that's strange and funny and..."
His voice dies. Not only because he realizes that his story probably is the most uninteresting story on earth, one where the listener would gladly make the teller stop before he dies from boredom, but also because Yunho knows exactly why Changmin didn't get mad at him this morning.
Five hundred and seventy-one heartbeats.
He can't take it anymore. He can't take the silence anymore. Everything is driving him insane.
Five hundred and eighty heartbeats.
"Please..." Yunho begs. "Please wake up. I need you, I'm a selfish man, please wake up because I can't live in a world without you. Please wake up. Please please please..."
Seven hundred and twenty heartbeats.
When had he started crying? When had he started to clutch Jaejoong's hand so tightly that the strength he was putting was far beyond comfort? When had he clasped both hands around Jaejoong's and started praying to a God that might refuse to hear his prayers?
One thousand heartbeats.
The tears and the words won't stop. He can't stop. The sole thought of a world without Jaejoong is driving him insane. He can't stop.
He mutters the words to his only hope somewhere in the sky.
Twelve hundred and fourty-eight heartbeats.
He feels empty. All the strength seems to have disappeared from him in a matter of minutes and Yunho isn't sure if he even wants Jaejoong to see him like this. A bitter voice in his head snaps at him that Jaejoong is stuck in a deep sleep and would never be able to see him being reduced to this pathetic state.
He immediately feels guilty for thinking something like that.
Fourteen hundred and fifty-four heartbeats.
His hand is reaching out, softly caressing Jaejoong's cheek, the skin still smooth as ever. He's brushing lost strands of hair out of his face and Yunho wonders how much longer he can actually do this without going insane.
Fifteen hundred and eighty-four heartbeats.
He slowly starts singing a song, a ballad, the words falling from his lips. His voice breaks the silence in the room and this time, his attempt is more successful. At least he didn't have to try entertaining someone with a boring story about his pathetic life.
Four thousand heartbeats.
He sings until his voice gives out.
Five thousand six hundred and eighty heartbeats.
Jaejoong is still peacefully sleeping and Yunho wonders if this is all some sick kind of joke. He still can't believe that this is actually happening to him, how could it? One moment, he was standing on top of the world, the other moment, the person who meant the most to him was taken away from him, his world tumbling towards the ground and breaking into five thousand six hundred and eighty small pieces.
Six thousand and twenty-one heartbeats.
The rhythmic beating of the heart is the only thing that keeps Yunho to this place right now. He knows he would lose himself into a turmoil of madness if he didn't have this one steady thing in his life to hold onto. Every heartbeat was one of hope. "Keep fighting. As long as you'll fight, I'll fight for you too," he whispers, clutching onto Jaejoong's hand.
Nine thousand and forty-six heartbeats.
Yunho wonders if it might be uncomfortable to lie in the same position the entire day - although weeks, maybe even month, would probably be more fitting for this situation. He frees his hand from Jaejoong's, his fingers stiff because of the desperate lock he had kept Jaejoong's fingers into, before he starts massaging the pale legs of the man.
"Do you remember when you used to do this for me after every dance practice?" he says, talking just to break the silence. "My hands aren't as skilled as yours but when you wake up, you'll thank me for this."
Twelve thousand heartbeats.
This heart wrenching pain that hits him in the gut almost becomes too much for him. The only thing that keeps him steady to the ground is the count of the heartbeats because that means that he has lived another twelve thousand heartbeats with the man that is so dear to him.
Seventeen thousand and sixty-eight heartbeats.
"I love you..." Yunho says. "I love you so don't do this to me. I love you so wake up, please."
Twenty thousand heartbeats.
There are no more after that.