HOLY MOTHER OF ALL UPDATESSS......
ok. so its obvious i never use this thing anymore...
most of you know that alot has happened lately. alot of life changing events.....or events changing my life rather.
yea i finally got a job, the most fun job anyone could have EVER, decided what i wanted to major in, which is huge. got into a few college in florida, florida the place ill be heading too this may...yeah the decision if final too late to change the mind now, and these are among the few.......
BUT the most devistating..... my father died. MY FATHER! i havent been able to write or talk about it to many people. its just impossible and i cannot go into all the emotions and feelings of the situation right now either. but, it hurts and the 29th of july is going to be a day that remains in my mind forever. And no noooooo one knows how it feels unless you suddenly lost a parent also. so please dont tell me you know how i feel. bc you dont. a grandmother, even a close freind is not the same as loosing a parent whom you are very close too. so thats just insane and it still doenst seem real. but i am strong and even tho its hard ill be ok.........
sooo no i dont think ill be getting my own apt now whats the point? there is not way ill leave my mom now its bad enough ill be gone in may let alone now. and besides that ill be in florida at many times during the year and bc im leaving in may there is no point getting a lease on a place and leaving in a few months. but who knows with that. either way im really content leaving at home. and if i can help it i want to stay there until florida....
OK SOOOOO....now the reason most of you are reading this....and to the rest just bc i didnt write alot about my dad dying doenst mean that thats not the most important life changing event in my life or that im cold. it simply means that i cant talk about it or write about it but this i can bc this is something i know how i feel. DEREK!!! what can i say about derek except there have been the worst and best of times....mostly worse...i cant lie bc most of you who are close to us know im correct. and the drama and the jealousness and lying??? its not me and not something i want to be a part of. being jealous is one thing, being manipulative and hurtful is another. making me feel upset about something is one thing. driving ppl out of my life is another. last summer wasnt fair. the things i was going through werent fair. but so is life. life isnt fair and all you can do is get over one hill and move on to the other and keep going. but climbing unecessary mountains are simply not worth your time. DEREK is, and i hate to say this a mountain, and has just been sooo hard to get over and it took last nite being the last straw for me to realize this. Derek is the mountain that i always go back to bc he is like a safe haven and always right. nooooo hes not always right. if you care about someone you dont spend more time making them feel bad then you do good. how much was i actually happy when me and him were together? only when we were together most of you know and even then it was minimal when there wasnt some kind of ostacle we had to overcome......something i did or someone i was talking to that was always wrong.......ALWAYS!!!! im not going to go into depth you get the point its over. and im not saying this like i have everytime its over it has to be. and by over i mean that we can no longer be freinds. i guess it hurts that i have to say this but its the truth. i tried i gave it my all but i cant do it anymore.....
AND DEREK.....if your reading this which i know you will. i will always care about you i dont know why but i will. and i hope that someday maybe we can talk. but for right now i cant i dont want too and there is nothing you can do to change how i feel bc my decision if final. i think the things you did were horrible but i know ill get over them and you.
i didnt want him to get into trouble you guys. after a few years of this youd do the same thing. and what exactly happened isnt your buisness either. i dont even know for sure. i told a freind i was ready and i was done and i asked for help. well he gave me help. and part of the deal was that i couldnt just gooo back like i always do and i wont. derek is going to be fine he just has to understand there is a line you can and cannot cross and he crossed that line a long time ago. and i know those of you who are kind of upset the way things finally worked out will get over it. i just want you to understand that wow. drama is overrated hahaha.
so goodbye d. i dont regret anything or anytime that was spent together. bc either way it was a lesson well learned and for that i do thank you but the time has come that its just over.
HAHAHA this is def. a condensed version of things and events but thats all enough soap opera for a day....and now days to come....
BOY I FEEL SO FREE RIGHT NOW muhahaha.
most of you know that alot has happened lately. alot of life changing events.....or events changing my life rather.
yea i finally got a job, the most fun job anyone could have EVER, decided what i wanted to major in, which is huge. got into a few college in florida, florida the place ill be heading too this may...yeah the decision if final too late to change the mind now, and these are among the few.......
BUT the most devistating..... my father died. MY FATHER! i havent been able to write or talk about it to many people. its just impossible and i cannot go into all the emotions and feelings of the situation right now either. but, it hurts and the 29th of july is going to be a day that remains in my mind forever. And no noooooo one knows how it feels unless you suddenly lost a parent also. so please dont tell me you know how i feel. bc you dont. a grandmother, even a close freind is not the same as loosing a parent whom you are very close too. so thats just insane and it still doenst seem real. but i am strong and even tho its hard ill be ok.........
sooo no i dont think ill be getting my own apt now whats the point? there is not way ill leave my mom now its bad enough ill be gone in may let alone now. and besides that ill be in florida at many times during the year and bc im leaving in may there is no point getting a lease on a place and leaving in a few months. but who knows with that. either way im really content leaving at home. and if i can help it i want to stay there until florida....
OK SOOOOO....now the reason most of you are reading this....and to the rest just bc i didnt write alot about my dad dying doenst mean that thats not the most important life changing event in my life or that im cold. it simply means that i cant talk about it or write about it but this i can bc this is something i know how i feel. DEREK!!! what can i say about derek except there have been the worst and best of times....mostly worse...i cant lie bc most of you who are close to us know im correct. and the drama and the jealousness and lying??? its not me and not something i want to be a part of. being jealous is one thing, being manipulative and hurtful is another. making me feel upset about something is one thing. driving ppl out of my life is another. last summer wasnt fair. the things i was going through werent fair. but so is life. life isnt fair and all you can do is get over one hill and move on to the other and keep going. but climbing unecessary mountains are simply not worth your time. DEREK is, and i hate to say this a mountain, and has just been sooo hard to get over and it took last nite being the last straw for me to realize this. Derek is the mountain that i always go back to bc he is like a safe haven and always right. nooooo hes not always right. if you care about someone you dont spend more time making them feel bad then you do good. how much was i actually happy when me and him were together? only when we were together most of you know and even then it was minimal when there wasnt some kind of ostacle we had to overcome......something i did or someone i was talking to that was always wrong.......ALWAYS!!!! im not going to go into depth you get the point its over. and im not saying this like i have everytime its over it has to be. and by over i mean that we can no longer be freinds. i guess it hurts that i have to say this but its the truth. i tried i gave it my all but i cant do it anymore.....
AND DEREK.....if your reading this which i know you will. i will always care about you i dont know why but i will. and i hope that someday maybe we can talk. but for right now i cant i dont want too and there is nothing you can do to change how i feel bc my decision if final. i think the things you did were horrible but i know ill get over them and you.
i didnt want him to get into trouble you guys. after a few years of this youd do the same thing. and what exactly happened isnt your buisness either. i dont even know for sure. i told a freind i was ready and i was done and i asked for help. well he gave me help. and part of the deal was that i couldnt just gooo back like i always do and i wont. derek is going to be fine he just has to understand there is a line you can and cannot cross and he crossed that line a long time ago. and i know those of you who are kind of upset the way things finally worked out will get over it. i just want you to understand that wow. drama is overrated hahaha.
so goodbye d. i dont regret anything or anytime that was spent together. bc either way it was a lesson well learned and for that i do thank you but the time has come that its just over.
HAHAHA this is def. a condensed version of things and events but thats all enough soap opera for a day....and now days to come....
BOY I FEEL SO FREE RIGHT NOW muhahaha.