(no subject)
Yesterday was one of those you run the line of emotions from happy to omgwtf!sad. That on only four hours of sleep was enough to just about break me.
At work on the 6th my manager pulled me into the office for a 'discussion' with one of the other employees where I got an ass chewing in public and in private. I hate when people tell me I'm doing a good job but it feels like I'm not. It's just my 2nd month as a team leader and it's been very stressful. Well after the ass chewing he remembered to tell me my mom had called and they took my Papaw to the hospital and they were more than likely going to admit him. I started bawling in the store. Thankfully he let me go early and I went straight up to Indian Path to find him no longer in the ER but in a room. So from 3:30-8 that night I was up there with him and he seemed to be doing good. Doc said he had pnemounia (sp) and they'd give him stronger medicines and he'd probably go back to the nursing home Monday to finish up his swallowing theropy. Everything was good- he was in good spirits, laughing, and being his general sweet rotten self.
3:30am we got the call we needed to get up to the hospital. At this point I've had an hour of sleep since a bad storm had gone through the last 2.5 hours. I sat up straight in bed and listened to my dad talk on the phone with the hospital then we all got ready, got there by 4am. His blood pressure was really low and he was having chest pains. They gave him some liquid loritabs (sp again) and within 30min he was doing okay. Still in some pain but not as bad as he had been. Mom went to sleep in the private lobby for families and dad went to sleep in his truck. Mamaw, my Great Aunt Merlie, and I stayed in the room until mom came back at 7.
By 9 mom was ready to leave for her appointment and to get something to eat since we had let my Mamaw and Aunt leave when she came in to get something. So we helped pry dad out of his truck seat and went to eat. After that I went home, got 3 hours more sleep, and went back up to his room at 2. Mom was there because he had told my dad not to worry about him, he loved him, and to go work in the hay field. Mamaw had an appointment with the heat pump guy so he said his goodbyes to her, he loved her, and come back after he'd come. By this time at 2 he was sweating really bad and in some chest pain when he tried to breath. Mom was trying to tell the nurse how much pain he was in and Papaw snapped at her and she went home. After he apologized to me and told me to tell her at least 10 times he was sorry that he shouldn't have said it. I kept telling him 'You have to forgive and forget, Papaw. We all say things we don't mean when we don't feel good.' and he agreed with me.
He slept good throughout the day in 15min spells. Then we'd talk some and he remembered a lot of the things we used to do together when I was little. He'd tell the nurses when they came in and that I was his 'pride and joy' and only grandchild. One of the nurses, his night nurse, laughed and asked if he spoiled me and he said 'Yes.' which made us all laugh.
They gave him two units of blood yesterday as well to see if that would help. The first was a slow trip over 4 hours then the doctor ordered the 2nd unit at a 1 hour drip. The nurse said if he started to wheeze or anything to come get her ASAP, but he had just had his breathing treatment and was wheezing anyway. So she, of course, said if it got worse than that to get her. Well at 7, as I was getting ready to leave, it did. This was also at shift change so it took a while for the nurse to come back and get lacics (sp) started to pull the extra fluid away. By 7:30 when my Mamaw got there he could hardly talk or breeth from gurgling a lot. I was on the phone trying to call my dad and my mom- had her go to the farm and get him because he kept getting worse and worse and he wanted him there. He had a spell like this before at his last hospital visit but..something just didn't feel right. By 8 dad was home and getting ready to get into the shower to come up when I told them to hurry it wasn't looking good at all. At 8 he couldn't talk. 8:15 he laced his fingers together in prayer and stared at the ceiling not looking at anyone or anything. 8:30 he was gone.
I called my parents seven minutes later and told them.
It's not fun watching someone die. The jerks they give, the gasping for breath and way their mouth twists about. My other great Aunt that came up with my Mamaw didn't want me to watch but I did. I had to. Seeing that made me realize how much better he was off than being in pain like he had been. My Papaw was not a comlpainer and even when I would try to let him let me go get the nurse he'd say 'I'm fine.'
He knew that it was time and he was ready for it. I will always remember the last hours I got to spend with him. I kept wanting to think it was 7 hours I spent, but it was 5. Doesn't matter though. I got to spend it with him. We laughed and joked, remembered all the things we used to do, he'd remember dates and phone numbers and everything- he had a very sharp memory until the end and was a very strong fighter. Even his Doc said so.
Arrangements are still up in the air. He was very adament about wanting a military funeral in the afternoon. Just a matter of figuring out when now.
At work on the 6th my manager pulled me into the office for a 'discussion' with one of the other employees where I got an ass chewing in public and in private. I hate when people tell me I'm doing a good job but it feels like I'm not. It's just my 2nd month as a team leader and it's been very stressful. Well after the ass chewing he remembered to tell me my mom had called and they took my Papaw to the hospital and they were more than likely going to admit him. I started bawling in the store. Thankfully he let me go early and I went straight up to Indian Path to find him no longer in the ER but in a room. So from 3:30-8 that night I was up there with him and he seemed to be doing good. Doc said he had pnemounia (sp) and they'd give him stronger medicines and he'd probably go back to the nursing home Monday to finish up his swallowing theropy. Everything was good- he was in good spirits, laughing, and being his general sweet rotten self.
3:30am we got the call we needed to get up to the hospital. At this point I've had an hour of sleep since a bad storm had gone through the last 2.5 hours. I sat up straight in bed and listened to my dad talk on the phone with the hospital then we all got ready, got there by 4am. His blood pressure was really low and he was having chest pains. They gave him some liquid loritabs (sp again) and within 30min he was doing okay. Still in some pain but not as bad as he had been. Mom went to sleep in the private lobby for families and dad went to sleep in his truck. Mamaw, my Great Aunt Merlie, and I stayed in the room until mom came back at 7.
By 9 mom was ready to leave for her appointment and to get something to eat since we had let my Mamaw and Aunt leave when she came in to get something. So we helped pry dad out of his truck seat and went to eat. After that I went home, got 3 hours more sleep, and went back up to his room at 2. Mom was there because he had told my dad not to worry about him, he loved him, and to go work in the hay field. Mamaw had an appointment with the heat pump guy so he said his goodbyes to her, he loved her, and come back after he'd come. By this time at 2 he was sweating really bad and in some chest pain when he tried to breath. Mom was trying to tell the nurse how much pain he was in and Papaw snapped at her and she went home. After he apologized to me and told me to tell her at least 10 times he was sorry that he shouldn't have said it. I kept telling him 'You have to forgive and forget, Papaw. We all say things we don't mean when we don't feel good.' and he agreed with me.
He slept good throughout the day in 15min spells. Then we'd talk some and he remembered a lot of the things we used to do together when I was little. He'd tell the nurses when they came in and that I was his 'pride and joy' and only grandchild. One of the nurses, his night nurse, laughed and asked if he spoiled me and he said 'Yes.' which made us all laugh.
They gave him two units of blood yesterday as well to see if that would help. The first was a slow trip over 4 hours then the doctor ordered the 2nd unit at a 1 hour drip. The nurse said if he started to wheeze or anything to come get her ASAP, but he had just had his breathing treatment and was wheezing anyway. So she, of course, said if it got worse than that to get her. Well at 7, as I was getting ready to leave, it did. This was also at shift change so it took a while for the nurse to come back and get lacics (sp) started to pull the extra fluid away. By 7:30 when my Mamaw got there he could hardly talk or breeth from gurgling a lot. I was on the phone trying to call my dad and my mom- had her go to the farm and get him because he kept getting worse and worse and he wanted him there. He had a spell like this before at his last hospital visit but..something just didn't feel right. By 8 dad was home and getting ready to get into the shower to come up when I told them to hurry it wasn't looking good at all. At 8 he couldn't talk. 8:15 he laced his fingers together in prayer and stared at the ceiling not looking at anyone or anything. 8:30 he was gone.
I called my parents seven minutes later and told them.
It's not fun watching someone die. The jerks they give, the gasping for breath and way their mouth twists about. My other great Aunt that came up with my Mamaw didn't want me to watch but I did. I had to. Seeing that made me realize how much better he was off than being in pain like he had been. My Papaw was not a comlpainer and even when I would try to let him let me go get the nurse he'd say 'I'm fine.'
He knew that it was time and he was ready for it. I will always remember the last hours I got to spend with him. I kept wanting to think it was 7 hours I spent, but it was 5. Doesn't matter though. I got to spend it with him. We laughed and joked, remembered all the things we used to do, he'd remember dates and phone numbers and everything- he had a very sharp memory until the end and was a very strong fighter. Even his Doc said so.
Arrangements are still up in the air. He was very adament about wanting a military funeral in the afternoon. Just a matter of figuring out when now.