what the crap in prose

[sweet_kitty_gal]

I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to think.
I want to scream.
I want to jump from a cliff.
I want to be heard but not seen.
I want to be spoken to without words.
I want a relationship that will last.
I want a phone call; to just say goodnight.
I want to feel like I am not making a wrong descision.
I want to feel like things will be okay.
I want to feel like, for once, I did something that was the right thing.
I want my paints.
I want to take my mind off of everything.
I want to move out to escape my life.
I want a better job so I can feel accomplished in a small part of my life.
I want to not feel embarrassed.
I want to know what to say before I say it.
I want to say the right thing.
I can't think of anything besides life.
I can't think of a way around the barriers I have put on my life.
I want to know where I am going, and where I have been.
I want to remember the things I have forgotten.
I need my voice back in this world.
I need to feel like I am doing something for me.
I want him to call so we can talk about nothing, but everything.
Because it's what I need, what I want, what I can't and don't know, that scares the living shit out of me and makes me jump and freak out. I need a safe place to lay my thoughts on, to keep them hidden, to keep them from talking, and passing, onto other peoples lips.
I want to feel what I need to know but can't yet imagine.