Peace to me
At mass… as usual… my heart softened up. There is no need to shut Shayne out. It hurt my pride… but at the end of the day it’s just my pride and if I’m able to overcome that nonsense then it’s important I don’t make Shayne miserable. That’s not my intention at all. I’m not one to seek revenge. One thing is for sure is that I am not thinking of going back with him. I want to be on good terms… there is no doubt about that. But, is it naïve of me to believe we can be friends? I told him myself that there is not such thing as friends with you “ex.” Is it okay that we remain friends because neither of us have a new significant other. What about when we do find someone else… that’ll be awkward. If we become friends then it’ll only create a sticky situation. It’s best that we remain civil… but no frequent hanging out. Hmm… I’m definitely not going to his apartment. I don’t want to place myself in the same situation I placed myself with Beto. I need to respect myself if I want to be respected. Anyway, we need to focus on school. This could have not happened at a better time. If Myriam plotted with out, like some believe, then she surely did a favor to our GPA. My heart is so softened up that I even want to apologize to Myriam. But I’m not because she won’t appreciate my apology. She is the type of person that views life in “black and white.” There is no such thing as gray. If I apologize she will think I’m admitting fault and she won’t think she did anything wrong. She better believe that she also contributed to the events of today. I’ll just repent and stop talking shit about her… that’ll be my apology to her. Anyway, I’ve noticed that when Shayne is constantly showering me with apologies I am annoyed of him and I feel energy-less to respond to all his words. Then, when he gives me my space… I want him to text me. I don’t want to want his attention. I need to stay strong. He said he would go to counseling... but I don’t know how motivated he is. I think I should go to counseling also. I need to resolve some issues of my own. Everyone needs counseling. Sensible people are the ones that can admit it. Well, I should really go to bed right now. I work tomorrow and I want a new fresh and responsible start.