The interchangeable forms of matter

[nihil_sine_vos]

If I could pin my thoughts down,
(fill them out, then file them away)
I would make them keep me sane.

I would make them swear
(so blue in the face and clenched in the jaw)
to save my neck from these
knives I keep throwing me at.

I rarely get things right the fifth time
and these hours are sealing me shut.

I don't trust you to my left
and I need you to my right
but you're not who
I'm wanting me to be.

Please rip me from myself
separate me and keep my head
above this tempest of
self created demons
and self inflicted love stains.

Make me clean
and make me hate it.

Make me wholey yours.