Long Time, No Blog- Thoughts
Well, it's been centuries since I've been on this thing, but it's good to be back.... Here's where I'm at right now. I just finished my first year of Nazarene Theological Seminary- only to be enrolled in summer classes, the degree I'm pursuing is a Master of Divinity/Intercultural Studies because I have a calling to serve full time in Mission Work and I feel after consideration that this is the degree to pursue to best qualify me. Believe me, it would never be my choice to spend 4 years in Grad School when it took 4 years to get a Bachelor Degree....
But lately, I've been thinking about "Marketability"... I think I despise that word.... it's a way to make people feel low... a way to separate them and categorize them and make them feel inadequate and lack confidence. I was asked a question the other day that sort of "rubbed me" the wrong way. It was about the Degree and the Path I am pursuing and how "marketable" I would be in the future as a Missionary. Basically, the meeting I had was similar to the ones in the past and I really felt like nothing new had been revealed to me... and I was a little sad.
Granted, I am only at the beginning of the process of pursuing Missions as a Career... but I thought people would be a little more enthusiastic about my calling and hearing my experiences rather than appearing a little cold and unenthused. I know that I have a long way to go before I am assigned or commissioned to work full time on the field... there is School to complete, debt to pay (it's only school debt, no credit card debt- which would be a slightly different thing) and I am not intimidated by other cultures- I find it a privilege and a joy to learn from them and to engage them where as some people who are "called" to be Missionaries fear going to the field for whatever reasons....
I know I cannot stereotype or carbon copy my experience with other people who are headed to the field, but I often think... what makes them more qualified or better than me? Some of the People I know haven't even finished their master degree... some of them aren't even ordained (not that I'm totally seeking ordination... only if the Lord Wills it) and they seem to have an open door... and when it comes to me... I get asked questions that seem rather pointless and I feel as if I'm being Judged or Deemed Unqualified" when I've been overseas for 2 years... and I've engaged in Ministry (effective ministry) in cross-cultural contexts....
I know it probably makes little or no sense... but I just feel a little unsure as to why this would come up at the beginning... I know God has a plan for me... and I am open and willing to be obedient to that plan- totally open minded and open hearted...
I'm not trying to bash any organization, that is not the intent... it's just a reflection of what I've been pondering lately. I do have confidence issues in my marketability, unfortunately- but I am not stupid, I'm hard working AND I do have gifts that are unique and useful to ministry- even if they're not the traditional gifts people are used to seeing....
Sometimes I just wish I were back in China... even as a Volunteer Status Missionary at least I was involved in something I loved to do and something that God opened for me to do... I know He's called me to Seminary and I've been obedient in attending but there are times I wish He'd just let me go back to where I was....
So.... these are just the ramblings of the evening... out in the vastness of cyberspace......