Discussion
Just wrote this to Anne. We had a discussion and she left before I thought it was done. Know I prolly shouldn't send it. The saddest part was that I was trying to stay positive in all this crap and she succeeded in making me feel like shit.
What I wrote:
You referred to my making you feel like I hated you. The feeling is mutual. Yes, "... love you and I always will because you are my child." However you make me feel that you resent, detest and don't like me or my family. You also make me feel that you don't approve of me, and that all the decisions I make are wrong. Yes I realize that you feel as though I should know how much you love me via all you do for me and the girls. However the only feeling I get from you is guilt and insecurity. (Insecure because you are sure to tell me all that I am doing wrong with my life, the lives of my children and everyone around me every time that I do something that is not to your liking.) I am also well aware of how differently you treat me and my family. Mostly my children. You do all you can and would ever care to do, "go to the ends of the earth for", for your granddaughters however you have no such feelings toward your grandsons. Yes you can deny this all you like, until you are blue in the face, however "your actions, tone, posture" say everything. My boys can not come visit you (you do not invite them), you do not come to visit them. I am not talking about the service you do for me by bringing them to and from school I am talking about the actual time, energy and effort you spend in actually getting to know them, play with them and enjoy them as you do the girls.
I realize you do not approve of the way I live my life, you let me know this on a regular basis. I also realize that you feel as though I treat you differently and I probably do, it is not a conscious decision even though I am sure you think it is. I stopped worrying about the way you think and feel of me in January when you disowned me. I now live my life the way I feel I should and not to make you happy and make sure you approve. I live for myself and my family not your approval and I have been much better off since.
What I wrote:
You referred to my making you feel like I hated you. The feeling is mutual. Yes, "... love you and I always will because you are my child." However you make me feel that you resent, detest and don't like me or my family. You also make me feel that you don't approve of me, and that all the decisions I make are wrong. Yes I realize that you feel as though I should know how much you love me via all you do for me and the girls. However the only feeling I get from you is guilt and insecurity. (Insecure because you are sure to tell me all that I am doing wrong with my life, the lives of my children and everyone around me every time that I do something that is not to your liking.) I am also well aware of how differently you treat me and my family. Mostly my children. You do all you can and would ever care to do, "go to the ends of the earth for", for your granddaughters however you have no such feelings toward your grandsons. Yes you can deny this all you like, until you are blue in the face, however "your actions, tone, posture" say everything. My boys can not come visit you (you do not invite them), you do not come to visit them. I am not talking about the service you do for me by bringing them to and from school I am talking about the actual time, energy and effort you spend in actually getting to know them, play with them and enjoy them as you do the girls.
I realize you do not approve of the way I live my life, you let me know this on a regular basis. I also realize that you feel as though I treat you differently and I probably do, it is not a conscious decision even though I am sure you think it is. I stopped worrying about the way you think and feel of me in January when you disowned me. I now live my life the way I feel I should and not to make you happy and make sure you approve. I live for myself and my family not your approval and I have been much better off since.