My Mother was right
Well shit. I hate to admit it but my mother was right; I have failed my children as a mother. I have not taught them well enough. Maybe she's right to be worried about their eternal soul. Especially if my "Buddist" daughter doesn't know the meaning of no, and has no idea what respect is.
I have failed them if I can't even teach my child that disobedience is disrespect. When she is told to do something and willfully disobeys, she doesn't see it as being disrespectful. "But I turned in my phone at 9 like I was supposed to. " (She normally turns it in at 10 but didn't- after being told she could not keep it-last night.) So she couldn't understand why she still had to go to bed at 10:30 (her bedtime).
I tried to explain I just wanted some alone time. She asked if she could stay up. I said no. "I don't believe in the societal meaning of the word no." Or something of that nature. At 10:51 she was still not in bed. Yes partly my fault, I let her finish straightening her hair. When she finished I asked her if she knew what time it was, and that she should be in bed. "Yes. I'll go in a minute." argue argue argue.
She goes to her room. Two minutes later she is in the bathroom- for a good 5 minutes. I went in the hall and asked her how much longer she was going to be in there.
Fine I guess I'm done. Or some such. She walks out leaving the light on.
I asked her what she was doing-
oh you know I forgot to brush my teeth and wash my face.
I asked her why she left the light on.
Oh I thought you were going in there.
No I just asked when you would be done.
Oh. And walked back into the bathroom.
I told her this is why phone is mine at 10 and bedtime is 10:30, so you have time to get all this done.
I know
I asked her if she realized how rude and disrespectful and disobedient she was being.
No. So?
I just makes me feel like my mother is right. I am not teaching my children morals or to be good, respectful members of society. Maybe she is right to be worried for their eternal souls, maybe I am leading them down a path to hell.
Ok so she may not want to go to bed when she is told and she may decide she totally rejects society and all its rules and conventions but damn it what have I done to deserve to be walked all over? To be blatantly disrespected. To be treated like everything I believe in is bullshit and only her vegetarian, socialist, "branch of Buddism I believe in" bullshit is the right thing for the world.
Hell at this point I wish she were following Wiccan ways (no offense to my Wiccan friends intended); at least that I can relate to and understand. I don't understand why she rejects everything that everyone around her believes in, and ridicules it at that. I am not the most devout Catholic but damn-it I am NOT "a crazy who believe that propaganda" Evidently everyone who believes in Jesus and God is a nut job. She can relate the Jesus fable to "so many" other fables. Yes she called them fables.
To her society is a joke and she has planned out her suicide to the minute detail- and decided to tell me all about it this afternoon on the car ride home. All because I asked her how her day was. She decided against killing herself at home because her brothers might find her body, and she wouldn't want to hurt them like that. But then proceeded to tell me exactly how she would do it; "if" she decided to.
As we get home all she can go on about is politics, and how government should be more in control; regulate business more, elected officials shouldn't have term limits because "the people voted them into office."
I don't understand. I know I was a bitch to my mom, I snuck out of the house, lied -but I didn't throw everything she believed in back in her face. No I don't go to church as often as I should but I got married in the church- for me not her- I have raised my children Catholic because it's important to me that they have faith, I pray, I vote. I try to be a good wife and mother and yet I can't help feeling that I have failed her in more ways than one.
I have failed them if I can't even teach my child that disobedience is disrespect. When she is told to do something and willfully disobeys, she doesn't see it as being disrespectful. "But I turned in my phone at 9 like I was supposed to. " (She normally turns it in at 10 but didn't- after being told she could not keep it-last night.) So she couldn't understand why she still had to go to bed at 10:30 (her bedtime).
I tried to explain I just wanted some alone time. She asked if she could stay up. I said no. "I don't believe in the societal meaning of the word no." Or something of that nature. At 10:51 she was still not in bed. Yes partly my fault, I let her finish straightening her hair. When she finished I asked her if she knew what time it was, and that she should be in bed. "Yes. I'll go in a minute." argue argue argue.
She goes to her room. Two minutes later she is in the bathroom- for a good 5 minutes. I went in the hall and asked her how much longer she was going to be in there.
Fine I guess I'm done. Or some such. She walks out leaving the light on.
I asked her what she was doing-
oh you know I forgot to brush my teeth and wash my face.
I asked her why she left the light on.
Oh I thought you were going in there.
No I just asked when you would be done.
Oh. And walked back into the bathroom.
I told her this is why phone is mine at 10 and bedtime is 10:30, so you have time to get all this done.
I know
I asked her if she realized how rude and disrespectful and disobedient she was being.
No. So?
I just makes me feel like my mother is right. I am not teaching my children morals or to be good, respectful members of society. Maybe she is right to be worried for their eternal souls, maybe I am leading them down a path to hell.
Ok so she may not want to go to bed when she is told and she may decide she totally rejects society and all its rules and conventions but damn it what have I done to deserve to be walked all over? To be blatantly disrespected. To be treated like everything I believe in is bullshit and only her vegetarian, socialist, "branch of Buddism I believe in" bullshit is the right thing for the world.
Hell at this point I wish she were following Wiccan ways (no offense to my Wiccan friends intended); at least that I can relate to and understand. I don't understand why she rejects everything that everyone around her believes in, and ridicules it at that. I am not the most devout Catholic but damn-it I am NOT "a crazy who believe that propaganda" Evidently everyone who believes in Jesus and God is a nut job. She can relate the Jesus fable to "so many" other fables. Yes she called them fables.
To her society is a joke and she has planned out her suicide to the minute detail- and decided to tell me all about it this afternoon on the car ride home. All because I asked her how her day was. She decided against killing herself at home because her brothers might find her body, and she wouldn't want to hurt them like that. But then proceeded to tell me exactly how she would do it; "if" she decided to.
As we get home all she can go on about is politics, and how government should be more in control; regulate business more, elected officials shouldn't have term limits because "the people voted them into office."
I don't understand. I know I was a bitch to my mom, I snuck out of the house, lied -but I didn't throw everything she believed in back in her face. No I don't go to church as often as I should but I got married in the church- for me not her- I have raised my children Catholic because it's important to me that they have faith, I pray, I vote. I try to be a good wife and mother and yet I can't help feeling that I have failed her in more ways than one.