(no subject)
It has been a long time since I last posted. I have little idea why I post often for some periods of time and then not at all for months. My theory is, however, that there is something linking my degree of calm to my post frequency. Anyway, I'm posting now, and I happen to feel not very calm.
I had a weird weekend. my mind is seemingly tranquil, but I can tell that my subconscious mind is feeling a great deal of turmoil. My psyche is very weird in that way. It's like I decieve myself about how happy and content I am, because I don't think conscious bad thoughts. When I feel bad it is from within, without any formal expression in my mind. I can honestly say that very few things actually upset me consciously, or make me consciously unhappy.
Yesterday I did work almost all day, I know that I got a lot done, but I still have so much to do that it feels like it was almost in vain. Yet, I know that it wasn't. I really am much better prepared now.
I wish I had more time to hang out with Katy, I keep wanting to hang out with her more but our schedules seem to conflict.
I'm listening to music right now. It's moving me to a very emotional place, which is nice. Sometimes am surprised by my emotions, because I never know how I am feeling until they come. Maybe that doesn't make sense.
I have been bombarded with the feelings of other people all weekend. Strong feelings. Other people's strong feelings. It is making me feel strongly. Turbulent. I need to find my center. I feel like I'm a palm tree on a desert island being blown in all different directions by 5 different weather systems. Some of the weather is good, and some is bad. All of it is coming from outside myself. What is coming from inside? I have no idea, except that I want to love as much as I can. The lovelessness of others and the complexity of life makes it hard for me to do that. I'll keep trying though.
I don't mean to be dramatic. I'm just having a very emo day I guess.
It is frustrating, because if I could spend more time with the person that I seem to be falling in love with I think I could fill myself up enough to help others find more love. But as it is I'm just trying to know how I feel.
I just realized that I think most of the problems I have dealing with this weekend, (not my own), have been in respect to people not loving themselves. I love myself a lot, I love myself pretty much completely and with all of my being. I don't mean this to say that I'm the coolest person on the planet or anything, but I do. I love myself. When people who do not love themselves try to convey to me their feelings of regret or loneliness or frustration, I can see it is because they do not love themselves, and all I want to say is get over it, stop those bad feelings, and really your life will be better. But that is easier said than done. Much, much easier. This is not to say that all problems in my life or the lives of others is because of this, just the ones i've been thinking about recently. And, of course it is always a little more complicated than that. But, in the end if you love yourself then those problems just won't arise in the first place.
so, there it is, I'm not reading back over this so forgive me if I did not make sense.
p.s. why is it people don't talk about their emotional lives on lj anymore? Are we afraid of expressing ourselves, or am I the only one that has these thoughts? I don't think that's the case, but hey, maybe everyone is just lovin themselves and others so much that they don't even need or want to talk about it. That would awesome if that were the case. Anyway, if anyone ever wants to talk about feelings with me, I'd be down.
I had a weird weekend. my mind is seemingly tranquil, but I can tell that my subconscious mind is feeling a great deal of turmoil. My psyche is very weird in that way. It's like I decieve myself about how happy and content I am, because I don't think conscious bad thoughts. When I feel bad it is from within, without any formal expression in my mind. I can honestly say that very few things actually upset me consciously, or make me consciously unhappy.
Yesterday I did work almost all day, I know that I got a lot done, but I still have so much to do that it feels like it was almost in vain. Yet, I know that it wasn't. I really am much better prepared now.
I wish I had more time to hang out with Katy, I keep wanting to hang out with her more but our schedules seem to conflict.
I'm listening to music right now. It's moving me to a very emotional place, which is nice. Sometimes am surprised by my emotions, because I never know how I am feeling until they come. Maybe that doesn't make sense.
I have been bombarded with the feelings of other people all weekend. Strong feelings. Other people's strong feelings. It is making me feel strongly. Turbulent. I need to find my center. I feel like I'm a palm tree on a desert island being blown in all different directions by 5 different weather systems. Some of the weather is good, and some is bad. All of it is coming from outside myself. What is coming from inside? I have no idea, except that I want to love as much as I can. The lovelessness of others and the complexity of life makes it hard for me to do that. I'll keep trying though.
I don't mean to be dramatic. I'm just having a very emo day I guess.
It is frustrating, because if I could spend more time with the person that I seem to be falling in love with I think I could fill myself up enough to help others find more love. But as it is I'm just trying to know how I feel.
I just realized that I think most of the problems I have dealing with this weekend, (not my own), have been in respect to people not loving themselves. I love myself a lot, I love myself pretty much completely and with all of my being. I don't mean this to say that I'm the coolest person on the planet or anything, but I do. I love myself. When people who do not love themselves try to convey to me their feelings of regret or loneliness or frustration, I can see it is because they do not love themselves, and all I want to say is get over it, stop those bad feelings, and really your life will be better. But that is easier said than done. Much, much easier. This is not to say that all problems in my life or the lives of others is because of this, just the ones i've been thinking about recently. And, of course it is always a little more complicated than that. But, in the end if you love yourself then those problems just won't arise in the first place.
so, there it is, I'm not reading back over this so forgive me if I did not make sense.
p.s. why is it people don't talk about their emotional lives on lj anymore? Are we afraid of expressing ourselves, or am I the only one that has these thoughts? I don't think that's the case, but hey, maybe everyone is just lovin themselves and others so much that they don't even need or want to talk about it. That would awesome if that were the case. Anyway, if anyone ever wants to talk about feelings with me, I'd be down.