The Road to Beth-lee-hem 2/2
The Road to Beth-lee-hem
by Swanseajill
2/2
“During the night, Mary gave birth to the baby Jesus. Dean, don’t babies have to be born in the hospital?”
“Well, it isn’t like there’s a rule or anything. It’s just better, that’s all.”
“Why?”
“’Cause there’s doctors there, and stuff.”
“Was I born in a hospital?”
“Yeah.”
“Were you?”
“Yes! Sam-”
“She dressed him in swaddling clothes… Dean…”
“I don’t know what swaddling clothes are, okay? I guess they mean a blanket, or something.”
“She dressed him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a mangy.”
“In a what?!”
“A mangy. That’s what it says.”
“No, it doesn’t. It says, ‘a manger’.”
“What’s a manger?”
“It’s where they put the baby, stupid.”
“I’m not stupid! I know it’s where they put the baby. But what is it?”
“It’s… it’s like a bed, only it’s made of wood. And you can rock it. Now get on with the story.”
“Then the choir sings ‘Away in a Mangy… Manger.’ Then I’m back. Hee-haw! Hee-haw! That night in the fields near Beth-lee-hem some shepherds were guarding their sheep. Baaaaa! Baaaaa! Then the choir sings ‘While Shepherds Watched’.”
“I know that one. ‘While shepherds washed their socks by night…’”
“Dean!”
“Okay, okay, keep your pants on. Go on.”
“Then the fairy Gabriel-”
“Hold it! Sammy, there aren’t any fairies in the story.”
“Are too! There’s this real important one, and he’s called Gabriel.”
“Dude, I know he’s called Gabriel, but he’s an angel, not a fairy.”
“But angels are always girls, so how can Gabriel be an angel? He must be a fairy, ’cause we’ve seen a man fairy, ’member?”
“That wasn’t a fairy. It was a goblin.”
“Oh. What’s the difference?”
“Sam! Just trust me on this. It’s the angel Gabriel. Got it?”
“You sure?”
“I’m older than you so I have to be right. Right?”
“ … ”
“Sammy, don’t give me that look. Do you want me to help or not?”
“I want you to help!”
“All right then. Keep going.”
“Then the angel Gabriel came down from heaven and everything got really bright all around them. The shepherds were very afraid.”
“Losers.”
“Huh?”
“Come on, Sammy, being scared of a stupid angel? Bet they’d cry like girls if they met a real monster, like a wendigo…”
“Or a bigfoot…”
“Or a zombie…”
“Or a vampire.”
“Vampires aren’t real, Sammy.”
“Yes, they are!”
“No, they’re not.”
“Well, there were vampires in that movie you were watching last week.”
“You were s’pposed to be asleep! Anyway, it was an old black and white movie, it was just a stupid story. There’s no such thing as vampires. Hey, Sammy, what do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?”
“Umm. I dunno.”
“Frostbite!”
“That’s funny! I got one too, Dean. What do elves learn in school?”
“The elf-abet.”
“Dean! How d’you guess?”
“’Cause it’s lame. This one’s better. How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?”
“With extra cheese and salami, like Dad!”
“No, dopey. Deep and crisp and even.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Good King Wenceslas looked out on the Feast of Stephen,
When the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even.”
“Dean! D’you have to sing so loud? You’ve made me lose my place now.”
“Sorry. Right … The shepherds were afraid.”
“Oh, yeah. The shepherds were afraid but the fairy… angel said, ‘Don't be afraid I have good news for you which will make everyone happy ’cause today in Beth-lee-hem a Savior was born for you He is Christ the Lord and you’ll know who he is because you’ll find him dressed in swaddling clothes and lying in a mangy… manger’ and then the angel went back to heaven and the shepherds talked about what she… he’d said and they decided to go to Beth-lee-hem and find the stable and the baby Jesus who was dressed in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger.”
“Dude! Breathe!”
“So the shepherds hurried off and found Mary and Joseph and the baby Jesus and they worshipped him. Meanwhile, the Wise Men from the East had traveled long and far following the star. It stopped in front of the stable in Beth-lee-hem and they went in and found the baby Jesus and bowed down to him. They gave the baby special gifts of gold, frankfurters and … what’s so funny?”
“Dude, I don’t think the kings brought the baby Jesus frankfurters.”
“They did too! It says so.”
“Sammy, it says frankincense.”
“Frank-in-cents. What’s that?”
“It’s… well, it’s not little sausages, anyway.”
“If they don’t bring him frankfurters, what’s he gonna eat?”
“Babies don’t eat frankfurters. They just drink milk. All the time. When you were a baby that’s all you ever did. And cry. A lot.”
“So why don’t the Wise Men bring the baby milk? If they’re so wise, you’d think they’d bring something useful instead of all that gold. What’s a baby gonna do with gold?”
“Sammy!”
“The gave the baby special gifts of gold, frank-in-cents and murrrrhuh.”
“Myrrh.”
“Dean, it says ‘murrrrhuh’. It’s got an ‘h’ on the end.”
“I know, but you don’t say it.”
“Why not?”
“How should I know? Get on with it.”
“This is the last bit. The shepherds and the three wise men all worshipped the baby Jesus because he wasn’t an ordinary baby. He was going to grow up to be the Savior of the world. All the animals, including me, hee-haw! could see that he was special and we wanted to worship him, too. And then the choir sings ‘Joy to the World.’ The End!”
“Cool. Good job Sam. Bit more practice and you’ll be fine. You want a milkshake and some cookies? Then we can watch some TV ‘til Dad gets home.”
“Yeah! But Dean…”
“What?”
“Can we do the play all over again?”
“ … ”
“Dean?”
“Aw, Sammy…”
“Deeeeean! Pleeeeease!”
“Next year you’re getting a non-speaking part, right? How about one of the sheep?”
“I don’t want to be a sheep! Mrs. Patton says I’m the best in the class at reading out loud, that’s why she made me the natter… narr-ator.”
“Sammy, I’m kidding. Give me the script.”
“Thanks, Dean. Hee-haw! Hee-haw! Hello everybody. My name is Dasher and I’m here to tell you the story of when the baby Jesus was born...”
The End