Dance etiquette
The multi-stake YSA dinner/dance was this past Friday night. I always think of it as re-visiting high school dances; the limited play-list, the gym decorated with Christmas lights and gauze, the line dances, the two-to-one girl to guy ratio on the floor. This also include a catered dinner and good musical performances, a benefit of having people studying opera/viola/violin/flute performance in your ward.
And of course I get to dance in a no pressure situation, which is my favorite part. Except that now I think every YSA Elders' Quorum in southeast Michigan needs a lecture on proper behavior at a dance. It should be illegal for LDS men to reach the age of 23 and not know how NOT to act like creeps or stalkers.
What I wish everyone knew:
How it is supposed to work: At the beginning of a song, a gentleman approaches a lady and asks for a dance. When she says yes, he should take her hand, lead her to a clear space on the dance floor, and they dance until the end of the music. The gentleman should then escort the lady off the floor, at least to its side (back to her seat or party if he's being old school), thank her for the dance, and politely excuse himself.
Rule 1: A lady should accept a dance, unless she has a very good reason not to. I realize it takes courage to track down a lady at a dance and ask for her time, and I think every guy who has the courage should get one dance. If the dance is fairly small, two would probably even be reasonable, as long as the dances were some time apart in the evening. If a lady refuses a dance, she should not dance that song with another man unless she had arranged it prior to the refusal.
Rule 2: A dance = the duration of one song. A gentleman should not ask for the dance immediately following the one he just got. I might make an exception if the song ended as the couple walked on the floor, but that's about it. There is nothing creepier than a guy trying to monopolize the time of a lady he doesn't know. The same thing applies to guys asking for more than two dances in the course of the evening--it feels like stalking. Don't do it.
I admit two kinds of exceptions to this rule. If the gentleman and lady have a relationship prior to the evening, then dancing more than twice makes sense. When I am at social dances with my dance partner, I don't mind if he claims several dances. If I had a boyfriend, I think I'd object if he only danced two dances with me. In these cases, I know the gentleman beforehand and wouldn't classify their behavior as stalking. The other exception is that if there is a wide range of skill in dancing, it is not uncommon for the more advanced dancers to dance preferentially with each other.
Rule 3: Leave the buzzards outside. Guys seem more prone to this trouble than ladies, since the ladies often will head onto the dance floor to dance alone or with each other. Do not stand around the edge of the dance floor staring at the dancers. Either find a partner and start dancing or move away from the floor. It is polite and a safety issue to get out of the way of the dancers (and if they're dancing something like waltz or foxtrot that moves, they will appreciate the space). If you must pause to find someone or to watch a bit of dancing that catches your eye, so be it, but move on again after a short while.
Whatever you do, don't stare at the person you want to dance with through several consecutive songs while he/she dances with other people. That is creepy (and yes, it happened Friday night, and not just to me).
Rule 4: In case there are people with a wide range of dance skills present at the dance, less skilled dancers should not ask for private lessons on the dance floor. Advanced dancers want to enjoy the dance, not be lecturing someone.
Rule 5: Make your partner feel comfortable. It is the gentleman's responsibility to make the lady feel comfortable and special on the dance floor. It is also his job to prevent collisions from happening. It the lady's responsiblity to make the man feel comfortable and speical, like it is an honor to dance with him. If you don't know much dance, this will probably mean having a pleasant four minute conversation. If you know how to lead or follow, it is the time to demonstrate the best of those skills.
That being said, do not assume that just because your partner was pleasant on the dance floor, he/she likes you and is eagerly awaiting a chance to date you. Dances have characters and personas that apply to them, and people have different body language while dancing than otherwise. After all, I would not ordinarily allow any guy in my ward to stand next to me for four minutes with a hand on my back (waist really, since almost none of them use a dance hold), but I'm fine with it while dancing. Use whatever non-dance means you ordinarily do to figure out whether or not the person is into you, after the dance is over.
And of course I get to dance in a no pressure situation, which is my favorite part. Except that now I think every YSA Elders' Quorum in southeast Michigan needs a lecture on proper behavior at a dance. It should be illegal for LDS men to reach the age of 23 and not know how NOT to act like creeps or stalkers.
What I wish everyone knew:
How it is supposed to work: At the beginning of a song, a gentleman approaches a lady and asks for a dance. When she says yes, he should take her hand, lead her to a clear space on the dance floor, and they dance until the end of the music. The gentleman should then escort the lady off the floor, at least to its side (back to her seat or party if he's being old school), thank her for the dance, and politely excuse himself.
Rule 1: A lady should accept a dance, unless she has a very good reason not to. I realize it takes courage to track down a lady at a dance and ask for her time, and I think every guy who has the courage should get one dance. If the dance is fairly small, two would probably even be reasonable, as long as the dances were some time apart in the evening. If a lady refuses a dance, she should not dance that song with another man unless she had arranged it prior to the refusal.
Rule 2: A dance = the duration of one song. A gentleman should not ask for the dance immediately following the one he just got. I might make an exception if the song ended as the couple walked on the floor, but that's about it. There is nothing creepier than a guy trying to monopolize the time of a lady he doesn't know. The same thing applies to guys asking for more than two dances in the course of the evening--it feels like stalking. Don't do it.
I admit two kinds of exceptions to this rule. If the gentleman and lady have a relationship prior to the evening, then dancing more than twice makes sense. When I am at social dances with my dance partner, I don't mind if he claims several dances. If I had a boyfriend, I think I'd object if he only danced two dances with me. In these cases, I know the gentleman beforehand and wouldn't classify their behavior as stalking. The other exception is that if there is a wide range of skill in dancing, it is not uncommon for the more advanced dancers to dance preferentially with each other.
Rule 3: Leave the buzzards outside. Guys seem more prone to this trouble than ladies, since the ladies often will head onto the dance floor to dance alone or with each other. Do not stand around the edge of the dance floor staring at the dancers. Either find a partner and start dancing or move away from the floor. It is polite and a safety issue to get out of the way of the dancers (and if they're dancing something like waltz or foxtrot that moves, they will appreciate the space). If you must pause to find someone or to watch a bit of dancing that catches your eye, so be it, but move on again after a short while.
Whatever you do, don't stare at the person you want to dance with through several consecutive songs while he/she dances with other people. That is creepy (and yes, it happened Friday night, and not just to me).
Rule 4: In case there are people with a wide range of dance skills present at the dance, less skilled dancers should not ask for private lessons on the dance floor. Advanced dancers want to enjoy the dance, not be lecturing someone.
Rule 5: Make your partner feel comfortable. It is the gentleman's responsibility to make the lady feel comfortable and special on the dance floor. It is also his job to prevent collisions from happening. It the lady's responsiblity to make the man feel comfortable and speical, like it is an honor to dance with him. If you don't know much dance, this will probably mean having a pleasant four minute conversation. If you know how to lead or follow, it is the time to demonstrate the best of those skills.
That being said, do not assume that just because your partner was pleasant on the dance floor, he/she likes you and is eagerly awaiting a chance to date you. Dances have characters and personas that apply to them, and people have different body language while dancing than otherwise. After all, I would not ordinarily allow any guy in my ward to stand next to me for four minutes with a hand on my back (waist really, since almost none of them use a dance hold), but I'm fine with it while dancing. Use whatever non-dance means you ordinarily do to figure out whether or not the person is into you, after the dance is over.