[FIC] Diverging Paths
Title: Diverging Paths
Author: jung_hyeri
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Hankyung/Kibum
Summary: Kibum is leaving Super Junior and Hankyung does everything he can to try and stop him. Including sharing his long-buried feelings. But will it work?
Written for skyangel2009 cuz I wanted something angsty to write and she gave me the idea, on the condition everyone stays very much alive. LOL <3
Kibum put the finishing touches on the letter and set it aside on the table, lost in thought. He didn't quite have the courage to face them all, especially not with this news; he had waited until they'd all gone out to celebrate their new album's success before slipping into the 12th floor flat with the help of a key given to him by the managers.
Quite what they'd believed of his story, he didn't know, since they all were aware of his decision, but it didn't really matter. His mind was firmly made up - in order to achieve his dreams and make them a reality, he had to leave Super Junior. He was interrupted in his musings by a voice he hadn't expected to hear.
"So it's true then," a softly accented voice said from behind him and Kibum twisted around in the chair to look at Hankyung, the older man leaning against the wall with his arms crossed in front of his chest. "You're leaving..."
Not trusting his voice, Kibum just nodded then looked away. What was there to say, really? 'Oh, I'm sorry but you didn't fit into my plans any more?' It would have been a lie, and whatever else Kibum was, he wasn't a liar. Not by choice, anyway.
"Why?"
Kibum shrugged. "Why not?" he finally said, his tone defiant as he looked up again to face Hankyung. "I can't...be what they want me to be, any more," he continued, sighing as he heard the childish tone in his voice. "I never wanted to be in Super Junior to start with. You know that..."
"Yes, I know," Hankyung replied, still as softly as he'd first spoken, coming to sit in the chair next to Kibum. "I also know that you eventually came to like us, despite everything. So why are you leaving us now? And why are you leaving us with just a letter, rather than telling us in person? Do we not deserve that courtesy?"
"Stop trying to manipulate me, Hankyung," Kibum snapped, nerves near the breaking point. "I know all that, but I just can't do it."
"Yes, I like you guys. Yes, I should be telling you in person, but I just can't. If I do, I know you'll all try to convince me to stay and I'm sorry but I have tried. It just doesn't work. I can't be...myself here. I'm an actor, not a singer or a dancer, no matter how hard you try to push me into that role. I don't belong here...."
Instead of replying right away with words that Kibum would find meaningless, Kibum was startled when Hankyung grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the chair and into the bathroom where they both stood in front of the mirror.
"What do you see?" Hankyung asked softly, Kibum staring at him in the mirror with a blank expression on his face.
"I don't understand," Kibum replied, shaking his head. Just what was he trying to prove?
"What do you see?" Hankyung repeated insistently, pointing first at himself, then at Kibum. "I will tell you what I see. I see two men, who just happen to be friends who work together. I see one who wanted to become a dancer, another who wanted to become an actor. What do you see?"
Fine, he'd play along, even though he still didn't quite understand. "Hankyung and Kibum. A couple of guys trying to make it despite..." Ok, so finally he was getting it, but it still didn't help him understand how it was going to help Hankyung make him stay. "Despite things getting in the way. A couple of guys who have dreams that they're finally starting to realise."
He turned to Hankyung. "Ok, so what was that all about?" he asked, pulling out of Hankyung's grasp, the older man's arm having been placed around Kibum's shoulders as he'd been speaking. "How is this going to convince me to stay?"
"It's not," Hankyung replied, a tiny smile on his face. "I just wanted to show you that we're not all that different and that it is possible to get what you want and still stay in Super Junior. But only you can make the choice whether to stay or go."
Kibum looked at him with suspicion. "You've been hanging around Heechul-hyung too long, I see," he said finally, shaking his head, both men jumping as they heard another voice at the bathroom door.
"Did someone take my name in vain?" Heechul smirked at them from the doorway, having seen them both jump in surprise. "And would you mind getting out of the bathroom? Some of us like to use it from time to time..."
Rolling his eyes (when had they all come back?), Kibum allowed Hankyung to pull him out of the bathroom so Heechul could use it, and back into the kitchen where the note sat, untouched. They could hear Donghae's voice in the living room as he argued with Shindong over something to do with a dance move one or the other of them had messed up during practice and when Donghae realised that Kibum was there, he smiled brightly, waving.
"Hey, Kibum," he grinned, shoving Shindong out of the way so he could scramble over to where Kibum and Hankyung stood near the table. "Long time no see. How's the drama coming? Do you miss us?" Donghae's smile dimmed a little as he noticed the envelope in Kibum's handwriting, but said nothing, waiting expectantly for Kibum's answers.
"Of course I missed you," Kibum said, his expression softening as Donghae smiled at him. "The drama...is going. It's been hectic and I have no life, but what else is new?" he tried to joke, a feeble one to be sure, but still, he was trying. Damn Hankyung. This was unfair and everything he'd been trying to avoid.
"How's your leg?" Donghae asked, surprising Kibum. He'd been expecting some sort of plea for him to stay, since they quite clearly all knew he was leaving, but did they not want him to stay any more? "I hope it's ok now..."
"Yeah, it's fine. Hurts a little sometimes, but it's ok now. Thanks," he replied quietly just as Heechul walked in from the bathroom.
"It'll hurt forever, particularly in bad weather, but you get used to it," Heechul interjected, having listened in from the doorway. "And just so you know, we all know but..." He sighed a little theatrically. "It's your choice to make, Kibum. We won't stop you if that's what you really want to do. What kind of friends would we be if we did?"
Staring at Heechul in shock, Kibum couldn't help but wonder if they'd all been replaced by pod people like Donghae claimed once in a while when drunk, or if they were on some sort of hidden camera show. They were totally acting like...well, like normal people. Not like themselves at all.
Almost as if he could tell what Kibum was thinking, Heechul smirked. "We can act like adults, despite what you think, Kibummie," he grinned, startling the young man as Heechul draped himself around Donghae's shoulders.
"Speak for yourself, Heechul," Hankyung muttered, making them all laugh despite the scowl on Hankyung's face. "I'm trying to get him to stay and here you're telling him you don't care if he goes?"
"Of course we care if he goes, stupid," Heechul replied, starting to get angry. "But you can't force people to do what you want them to otherwise they end up hating you."
"I can't work with people like that. Can you?" he asked pointedly, smirking triumphantly when Hankyung didn't answer and just turned away instead.
Reaching for Kibum's hand, Hankyung finally snapped, tired of everyone getting in the way of what he was trying to do. No matter what, he had to make Kibum want to stay. As the others watched in varying degrees of surprise and amusement, Hankyung half-dragged Kibum out of the flat, only stopping to put their shoes on and grab keys and jackets.
"They're absolutely no help at all," Hankyung mumbled to himself as he waited for Kibum by the door, almost seeming to forget he was there. "And I thought telling them would help...."
"You told them?" Kibum asked, surprised. "You don't normally tell anyone anything if you can help it...but how did you even find out?"
Hankyung's head jerked up and he looked at Kibum for a moment, then away, his face flushed. "I was coming to talk to one of the managers about something when I overheard you talking..." he answered softly, a little sadly. "I don't want you to go...I never minded you being in the group even when you didn't want to be and made it quite clear...."
"I like you and want you to stay," he finally burst out, unable to keep it inside any longer. "I don't know what you want me to do to prove it to you, but...you have to stay."
When Kibum didn't say anything, Hankyung pulled the younger man towards himself roughly and kissed him hard, hands fumbling around Kibum's waist nervously before he moved back, his eyes shadowed.
"For me?"
Kibum pulled away, almost angry. He hadn't even seen this coming.
"Not even for you," he said coldly, ignoring the hurt in Hankyung's eyes. "I can't believe you'd even try this, Hankyung. I thought you were better than that."
"What are you talking about?" Hankyung asked softly, not even bothering to try and hide how he felt. "I thought I was trying to help you by not telling you how I felt and now that I do, you think I'm lying? That's unfair, Kibum..."
"But never mind. If you don't believe me, I can't force you. I can't force you to stay either if you really don't want to. Just go...I'll tell everyone else whatever you want..."
"Cut the passive-aggressive bullshit, Hankyung," Kibum snapped in exasperation, interrupting the older man in what he was about to say. "I know you want me to stay and I know you're willing to do whatever it takes but how can you seriously expect me to believe you when you come up with this out of the blue?"
"Obviously I want you to stay," Hankyung snapped back, finally losing his temper. "I just didn't think you were such a selfish bastard to leave us a note and not tell us in person. Not tell me in person."
Choking back tears, Hankyung went on, his tone still angry.
"I thought that I, at least, meant something to you. More than just some stupid letter that I can probably barely read anyway. I tried to hold back my feelings out of courtesy to you, wanting you to come to your decision without baggage to hold you back but I can't do it any more. I want you to stay. I'm asking you...begging you, if I have to, to please stay."
"You can think it's because of the others all you want, but I'm not asking for them. I'm asking for myself. I'm selfish enough to want you to stay just because of me....Not out of any sense of loyalty to any of the others, though that would be nice too," Hankyung finished, his eyes on the floor in front of him.
Finally the truth was coming out, but even that wasn't enough. Not any more.
"I'm sorry but...I can't," Kibum said finally, his voice softly apologetic. "You have to understand, this is for me. I have to do this. I can't continue on like this any more...so it's best if I just go. I'm sorry, Hankyung..."
Gathering himself together, Kibum bowed to Hankyung and walked away, leaving Hankyung and the rest of the group behind to start his own career as an actor. Not actor/singer/dancer, but actor alone.
As he watched Kibum walk away, Hankyung moved until his back was against the wall, then slid down, his head in his hands as he began to cry softly. Heechul and Donghae found him there later when they'd realised he hadn't come back and pulled him to his feet, drawing him back into the flat where they did their best to comfort the devastated man. It would take time, but he'd mend his broken heart and start again, perhaps a little sadder, but wiser for the experience.
(I dunno how I'm going from not being able to write ANYTHING to writing all these stories at once but...*shrugs* At least I'm writing something? <3333)
Author: jung_hyeri
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Hankyung/Kibum
Summary: Kibum is leaving Super Junior and Hankyung does everything he can to try and stop him. Including sharing his long-buried feelings. But will it work?
Written for skyangel2009 cuz I wanted something angsty to write and she gave me the idea, on the condition everyone stays very much alive. LOL <3
Kibum put the finishing touches on the letter and set it aside on the table, lost in thought. He didn't quite have the courage to face them all, especially not with this news; he had waited until they'd all gone out to celebrate their new album's success before slipping into the 12th floor flat with the help of a key given to him by the managers.
Quite what they'd believed of his story, he didn't know, since they all were aware of his decision, but it didn't really matter. His mind was firmly made up - in order to achieve his dreams and make them a reality, he had to leave Super Junior. He was interrupted in his musings by a voice he hadn't expected to hear.
"So it's true then," a softly accented voice said from behind him and Kibum twisted around in the chair to look at Hankyung, the older man leaning against the wall with his arms crossed in front of his chest. "You're leaving..."
Not trusting his voice, Kibum just nodded then looked away. What was there to say, really? 'Oh, I'm sorry but you didn't fit into my plans any more?' It would have been a lie, and whatever else Kibum was, he wasn't a liar. Not by choice, anyway.
"Why?"
Kibum shrugged. "Why not?" he finally said, his tone defiant as he looked up again to face Hankyung. "I can't...be what they want me to be, any more," he continued, sighing as he heard the childish tone in his voice. "I never wanted to be in Super Junior to start with. You know that..."
"Yes, I know," Hankyung replied, still as softly as he'd first spoken, coming to sit in the chair next to Kibum. "I also know that you eventually came to like us, despite everything. So why are you leaving us now? And why are you leaving us with just a letter, rather than telling us in person? Do we not deserve that courtesy?"
"Stop trying to manipulate me, Hankyung," Kibum snapped, nerves near the breaking point. "I know all that, but I just can't do it."
"Yes, I like you guys. Yes, I should be telling you in person, but I just can't. If I do, I know you'll all try to convince me to stay and I'm sorry but I have tried. It just doesn't work. I can't be...myself here. I'm an actor, not a singer or a dancer, no matter how hard you try to push me into that role. I don't belong here...."
Instead of replying right away with words that Kibum would find meaningless, Kibum was startled when Hankyung grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the chair and into the bathroom where they both stood in front of the mirror.
"What do you see?" Hankyung asked softly, Kibum staring at him in the mirror with a blank expression on his face.
"I don't understand," Kibum replied, shaking his head. Just what was he trying to prove?
"What do you see?" Hankyung repeated insistently, pointing first at himself, then at Kibum. "I will tell you what I see. I see two men, who just happen to be friends who work together. I see one who wanted to become a dancer, another who wanted to become an actor. What do you see?"
Fine, he'd play along, even though he still didn't quite understand. "Hankyung and Kibum. A couple of guys trying to make it despite..." Ok, so finally he was getting it, but it still didn't help him understand how it was going to help Hankyung make him stay. "Despite things getting in the way. A couple of guys who have dreams that they're finally starting to realise."
He turned to Hankyung. "Ok, so what was that all about?" he asked, pulling out of Hankyung's grasp, the older man's arm having been placed around Kibum's shoulders as he'd been speaking. "How is this going to convince me to stay?"
"It's not," Hankyung replied, a tiny smile on his face. "I just wanted to show you that we're not all that different and that it is possible to get what you want and still stay in Super Junior. But only you can make the choice whether to stay or go."
Kibum looked at him with suspicion. "You've been hanging around Heechul-hyung too long, I see," he said finally, shaking his head, both men jumping as they heard another voice at the bathroom door.
"Did someone take my name in vain?" Heechul smirked at them from the doorway, having seen them both jump in surprise. "And would you mind getting out of the bathroom? Some of us like to use it from time to time..."
Rolling his eyes (when had they all come back?), Kibum allowed Hankyung to pull him out of the bathroom so Heechul could use it, and back into the kitchen where the note sat, untouched. They could hear Donghae's voice in the living room as he argued with Shindong over something to do with a dance move one or the other of them had messed up during practice and when Donghae realised that Kibum was there, he smiled brightly, waving.
"Hey, Kibum," he grinned, shoving Shindong out of the way so he could scramble over to where Kibum and Hankyung stood near the table. "Long time no see. How's the drama coming? Do you miss us?" Donghae's smile dimmed a little as he noticed the envelope in Kibum's handwriting, but said nothing, waiting expectantly for Kibum's answers.
"Of course I missed you," Kibum said, his expression softening as Donghae smiled at him. "The drama...is going. It's been hectic and I have no life, but what else is new?" he tried to joke, a feeble one to be sure, but still, he was trying. Damn Hankyung. This was unfair and everything he'd been trying to avoid.
"How's your leg?" Donghae asked, surprising Kibum. He'd been expecting some sort of plea for him to stay, since they quite clearly all knew he was leaving, but did they not want him to stay any more? "I hope it's ok now..."
"Yeah, it's fine. Hurts a little sometimes, but it's ok now. Thanks," he replied quietly just as Heechul walked in from the bathroom.
"It'll hurt forever, particularly in bad weather, but you get used to it," Heechul interjected, having listened in from the doorway. "And just so you know, we all know but..." He sighed a little theatrically. "It's your choice to make, Kibum. We won't stop you if that's what you really want to do. What kind of friends would we be if we did?"
Staring at Heechul in shock, Kibum couldn't help but wonder if they'd all been replaced by pod people like Donghae claimed once in a while when drunk, or if they were on some sort of hidden camera show. They were totally acting like...well, like normal people. Not like themselves at all.
Almost as if he could tell what Kibum was thinking, Heechul smirked. "We can act like adults, despite what you think, Kibummie," he grinned, startling the young man as Heechul draped himself around Donghae's shoulders.
"Speak for yourself, Heechul," Hankyung muttered, making them all laugh despite the scowl on Hankyung's face. "I'm trying to get him to stay and here you're telling him you don't care if he goes?"
"Of course we care if he goes, stupid," Heechul replied, starting to get angry. "But you can't force people to do what you want them to otherwise they end up hating you."
"I can't work with people like that. Can you?" he asked pointedly, smirking triumphantly when Hankyung didn't answer and just turned away instead.
Reaching for Kibum's hand, Hankyung finally snapped, tired of everyone getting in the way of what he was trying to do. No matter what, he had to make Kibum want to stay. As the others watched in varying degrees of surprise and amusement, Hankyung half-dragged Kibum out of the flat, only stopping to put their shoes on and grab keys and jackets.
"They're absolutely no help at all," Hankyung mumbled to himself as he waited for Kibum by the door, almost seeming to forget he was there. "And I thought telling them would help...."
"You told them?" Kibum asked, surprised. "You don't normally tell anyone anything if you can help it...but how did you even find out?"
Hankyung's head jerked up and he looked at Kibum for a moment, then away, his face flushed. "I was coming to talk to one of the managers about something when I overheard you talking..." he answered softly, a little sadly. "I don't want you to go...I never minded you being in the group even when you didn't want to be and made it quite clear...."
"I like you and want you to stay," he finally burst out, unable to keep it inside any longer. "I don't know what you want me to do to prove it to you, but...you have to stay."
When Kibum didn't say anything, Hankyung pulled the younger man towards himself roughly and kissed him hard, hands fumbling around Kibum's waist nervously before he moved back, his eyes shadowed.
"For me?"
Kibum pulled away, almost angry. He hadn't even seen this coming.
"Not even for you," he said coldly, ignoring the hurt in Hankyung's eyes. "I can't believe you'd even try this, Hankyung. I thought you were better than that."
"What are you talking about?" Hankyung asked softly, not even bothering to try and hide how he felt. "I thought I was trying to help you by not telling you how I felt and now that I do, you think I'm lying? That's unfair, Kibum..."
"But never mind. If you don't believe me, I can't force you. I can't force you to stay either if you really don't want to. Just go...I'll tell everyone else whatever you want..."
"Cut the passive-aggressive bullshit, Hankyung," Kibum snapped in exasperation, interrupting the older man in what he was about to say. "I know you want me to stay and I know you're willing to do whatever it takes but how can you seriously expect me to believe you when you come up with this out of the blue?"
"Obviously I want you to stay," Hankyung snapped back, finally losing his temper. "I just didn't think you were such a selfish bastard to leave us a note and not tell us in person. Not tell me in person."
Choking back tears, Hankyung went on, his tone still angry.
"I thought that I, at least, meant something to you. More than just some stupid letter that I can probably barely read anyway. I tried to hold back my feelings out of courtesy to you, wanting you to come to your decision without baggage to hold you back but I can't do it any more. I want you to stay. I'm asking you...begging you, if I have to, to please stay."
"You can think it's because of the others all you want, but I'm not asking for them. I'm asking for myself. I'm selfish enough to want you to stay just because of me....Not out of any sense of loyalty to any of the others, though that would be nice too," Hankyung finished, his eyes on the floor in front of him.
Finally the truth was coming out, but even that wasn't enough. Not any more.
"I'm sorry but...I can't," Kibum said finally, his voice softly apologetic. "You have to understand, this is for me. I have to do this. I can't continue on like this any more...so it's best if I just go. I'm sorry, Hankyung..."
Gathering himself together, Kibum bowed to Hankyung and walked away, leaving Hankyung and the rest of the group behind to start his own career as an actor. Not actor/singer/dancer, but actor alone.
As he watched Kibum walk away, Hankyung moved until his back was against the wall, then slid down, his head in his hands as he began to cry softly. Heechul and Donghae found him there later when they'd realised he hadn't come back and pulled him to his feet, drawing him back into the flat where they did their best to comfort the devastated man. It would take time, but he'd mend his broken heart and start again, perhaps a little sadder, but wiser for the experience.
(I dunno how I'm going from not being able to write ANYTHING to writing all these stories at once but...*shrugs* At least I'm writing something? <3333)