New LuRe Fic: The Best Fake Boyfriend Ever, 3/4
The Best Fake Boyfriend Ever, Part 3
by Suz
Also posted on AO3 here.
*
“We should go,” Luke announced, pushing his chair back after Lily had left, head down low. Reid started moving, planning on backing him up when Emma forestalled any further movement.
“The two of you aren't going anywhere,” she insisted. “This is my house and, as far as I'm concerned, if Lily can't deal with her issues she's the one who needs to leave. Holden?” she asked, looking at her son.
Nodding, he stood, face serious. “I'll go talk to her. Make it clear that, unless she gets help, she's not welcome here anymore.”
Luke looked conflicted. “You don't have to do that, Dad.”
“No, I do, son,” he said immediately. “I thought the way she was about Noah was something she'd just get over, eventually, and I apologise for not taking it more seriously. There's obviously some much deeper issues at play, here. You stay,” he suggested, “enjoy a good meal with Momma. I'll deal with...” Letting his voice trail off, he shook his head sadly and walked away.
It was fair to say there was no saving lunch after that, though Emma certainly tried. Mostly, Luke just played with his food silently until asking randomly, “What are we going to tell Grandmother?”
Reid could only assume he was talking about Lily's mother, as nothing else made sense.
“We'll work it out, Luke,” Emma assured him, then resumed her attempts to cheer them up. After some ten minutes of telling stories about Luke's youth, she even had them smiling a little. They'd all pretty much lost their appetites though, and when Emma saw how Reid kept shooting worried looks towards Luke, declared that she'd give them some privacy. Leaving the table, she told them not to worry about the dishes.
They cleared up together anyway, quiet and sombre, when Luke finally spoke about it again.
“I'm so sorry that you had to be there to see all that,” to told Reid, clutching an empty glass against his chest. “Nothing like a meal with the Snyder's to brighten you day,” he joked, though there was no real humour in it and it fell completely flat.
“You have nothing to be embarrassed about,” Reid promised. “I'm worried about you because I care about you, but mostly I'm impressed with the way you stood up to your mom.”
“It was long past time coming,” Luke confessed, putting the glass back down on the table. “We'd spoken about the Noah thing before so many times, but I never really realised...” He shook his head. “I feel kind of guilty about it, to be honest.”
“What are you talking about?” Luke had been the one who'd done absolutely nothing wrong.
“I thought it was just Mom being...difficult,” he explained. “But the things she said today, the way she said them...that's not normal.” His face and voice both turned emotional as he started looking more and more horrified at himself. “What if, all this time, she just needed help and I was too angry at her to see it?”
“Hey,” Reid said softly, quickly moving over to him, “you did nothing wrong.” Touching the side of Luke's face, he carefully turned his head until he could meet his gaze. “This is not on you,” he said seriously, willing Luke to believe it. “Maybe she does need to talk to someone,” he offered, “maybe there's some kind of medication she should be on. Maybe it's neither of those things,” Reid shrugged, though he was willing to bet therapy would help Lily a lot. “Either way, it is absolutely not your fault and I won't allow you blame yourself for something beyond your control.”
“Won't allow me?” Luke managed a smile, albeit with wet eyes.
“Not to sound like a controlling jerk,” Reid nodded, releasing Luke's face as he realised how it sounded. “But you're only allowed to think good things about yourself. And I'm afraid I have to insist - it's in the boyfriend contract.”
Luke regarded him dubiously. “I didn't sign any contract.”
“Ah, but I did,” he said, “and as we're currently dating I'm afraid the contract is binding for both of us.”
“That hardly seems fair.”
“Them's the breaks,” he drawled. “Now,” he continued, seeing that his antics were cheering Luke up, “subsection two, paragraph four clearly states that I should go on, at length, about how amazing I find you and how glad I am that I get to be your boyfriend.”
“Which sounds great and all,” Luke grinned, “but how do I know you're not just going to be saying this stuff because the contract forces you to?”
Reid hadn't thought of that, though he felt he recovered nicely. “You only sign the contract in the first place if you already agree with everything in it.”
“Oh, I see,” Luke said casually. “And, just like nobody else on the face of the planet, you actually read all the small print?”
“Of course,” he replied, sounding horrified that anyone would even dream of not reading every single word. “I take my boyfriendly duties very seriously. And I mean every single word about how glad I am that I get to be said boyfriend,” he added firmly. “Even if it was in some crazy universe where it was only for one day, I wouldn't regret a moment of it.”
Luke blinked back at him emotionally. “Even with all the family drama?”
“Even with,” he nodded.
“Well, then,” Luke said eventually, “I'm extremely glad that we're not in some crazy universe where it's only for one day, because I really like the idea of you sticking around for the foreseeable future.”
“That can definitely be arranged,” Reid agreed more than happily and it was the most natural thing in the world to give Luke a kiss. It wasn't about passion or want - it was reassurance and affection. Reid wanted to be there and he wasn't planning on going anywhere - for as long as Luke wanted him.
They decided to leave not long after. Despite Emma's - and their own - best efforts, the day was ruined and, right then, Luke didn't feel up to facing his mother again. Reid offered to go in search of the rest of his family, though, and found Emma, Holden and Lily in the main bedroom upstairs, in the middle of what looked like an intense conversation.
“Luke wants to speak to you,” he said to Holden, when they all turned around and stared at him - Lily rather more intensely than the others.
Fortunately she stayed where she was, though as Holden and Emma made to leave the room, she suddenly spoke. “Don't tell Mother,” she begged, seeming embarrassed. “Please?”
The rest of them shared a heavy look.
Back by the dinner table, Holden told his son about the request. “What do you want to do? As far as I'm concerned it's about you, so I'm happy to follow your lead on this.”
Luke didn't seem happy about being the one to make the choice, but after struggling with the decision for a while, made the choice anyway. “Grandma's overseas at the moment anyway - and I know this deal she's working on is important to her. At the very least I say we leave it until she comes back - and I'll tell her it was my decision,” he added firmly. “Honestly, having her looking over Mom's shoulder is probably the last thing Mom needs right now anyway. Whatever it is she's going through or dealing with...” he shrugged. “The last thing she needs is more stress.” When Holden nodded in acknowledgement, Luke sighed and moved in to hug his dad. “Keep me updated?”
“Of course,” he promised. “I just hope this is something that can be fixed.”
“You and me both,” he replied seriously.
“Reid,” Holden held out a hand. “Thank you. For being there for him.”
“That's not something you need to thank me for,” he said, but shook the hand.
When it was her turn, Emma gave them both huge hugs. “Your mother doesn't speak for the rest of us.”
“I know that, Grandma.”
“Good,” she said, sounding relieved. “And you, young man,” she told Reid, “just keep doing what you're doing.”
That was easy. “I intend to.”
She gave them a tub of cookies for the road - truly, best Grandma ever - and then they were climbing into the car and driving out of Oakdale.
Though Luke put the radio back on there was no singing, this time, and it made Reid a little sad. There wasn't much in the way of conversation, either - Reid knew for himself that he was still a little shell-shocked and was only now really processing everything that'd happened. It was likely the same for Luke.
Reid also kept thinking about the conversation he knew he had to have to Luke. He was certain, now, that Luke would be okay with it, but that still didn't mean he was looking forward to it. He couldn't imagine anyone enjoyed talking about this kind of thing.
The journey passed quickly, with so much to think about, and some two hours later Luke pulled up outside Reid's apartment building.
“Well,” he announced, killing the engine, “that was some day.”
“It certainly was.”
“Again, I'm sorry for-”
“No apology necessary,” he shook his head. “And that's the whole point anyway, right? Going through this stuff together?”
Luke stared at him. “You're still serious about that? About this being a...real thing?”
Reid just stared back. “Completely.” However... “There's some stuff we should talk about, but given the day you've had if you want to save it for another time-”
“No way in hell,” Luke argued. “I'm in this as much as you are, okay? If we need to talk about something,” he nodded, “then let's talk about it.”
Letting out a long breath, Reid swallowed. “Let's go upstairs.”
Grabbing the cookies from the back seat they got into the building, rode in the elevator and walked into Reid's apartment. Luke made the polite remarks about Reid's apartment - it was really nothing special, he'd never been one for interior decorating - while Reid stashed the cookies in the kitchen and offered Luke some water.
It was Luke who snapped first.
“Oh my God, can you just tell me already?” he pleaded. “You've been hinting at something for a while and I thought you just needed some time but I really like you and now it's freaking me out. If you're about to tell me you're a serial killer, I swear to God...”
Laughing quietly at Luke's ridiculousness - although based on some of the things Luke had told him about Oakdale, it probably wasn't that ridiculous - Reid decided to just get it over with. “Nearly five months ago now,” he began. He could do this. “I was diagnosed with cancer.”
Judging by the wild expression on his face, Luke really hadn't been expecting that. “What?” he asked, eyes wide, walking straight over to Reid. “Where?” he demanded, looking over Reid's body for some sign. “How bad? Do you still have it?”
“Slow it down, cowboy,” Reid urged, though appreciated how concerned Luke was, and set about answering each of Luke's questions in turn. “It was testicular cancer,” he explained. “They don't think it's spread anywhere else. It's too early for them to officially announce I'm in remission but...things are looking good.”
Blinking heavily a few times, Luke grabbed his hand, leading Reid over to the sofa and tugged him down next to him. “Tell me everything,” he ordered, in a tone of voice that warned he was not about to be denied.
Shrugging, Reid did as he was told.
He told Luke about finding the lump, one day. About the ultrasound. About having his testicle removed and opting not to get a fake one. Finding out that it was cancerous and the brief, shitty course of radiation. Having to take endless cabs to and from the hospital because he'd tried driving, once, when the effects started hitting him and he'd never made that mistake again.
Luke regarded him emotionally. “Was anyone there for you?”
He chuckled. “I wasn't the type of guy people wanted to be there for,” he said honestly. “I've told you before, I was an asshole - still am, sometimes. I never had much in the way of friends and I had no real family left.”
Luke shifted. “But the cancer changed things?”
“Much as I hate to admit it, it turns out I am just like everyone else after all. I went through the whole clichéd thing about getting a whole new perspective on life and realised...I don't want to be alone.” It still wasn't easy for him, talking about this stuff, but after what he'd seen Luke put himself through today he'd have felt ashamed at himself if he didn't even try. “I'd been selfish my entire life,” he admitted, “but in all the wrong ways. I took whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. But I never once thought about what I needed.”
“And what is it you need?” Luke asked, eyes moist.
“To not do it alone,” he managed to say around the lump in his throat. “When my parents died and then the way my uncle was...” Reid shook his head. “I told myself that I'd never need anyone else again, that I could it all alone - and I can,” he said honestly, knowing it was the truth. “But I just don't want to anymore. I just...” Reid shrugged. “I just didn't know how to go about it. All my relationships before had basically just been about sex, about getting my physical needs met - work was the only thing I ever really cared about. The cancer changed that,” he finished, finally.
Luke stared at him in wonder. “That's why you order something different from the menu every time.”
“It felt like my whole life I'd been living the same routine,” he admitted, “I figured...at least that was a starting place. And then, one day,” he smiled faintly at Luke, “this guy sat at my table, asking for help.” Luke smiled back. “And I knew, even that first day, there was something special about him. It felt right, even when we were faking it.”
Studying him for a while, Luke eventually nodded. “I meant everything I said to you today,” he told Reid honestly, “and I still mean it.”
“Even with the cancer?” he had to offer, giving Luke the out. “It could come back.”
“If you can cope with my family drama, cancer's nothing in comparison,” he joked, before turning serious. “You were right, what you said. It feels...right, and I've honestly never felt that way before. I don't think it's something we should just give up on.”
Hope flared inside Reid's chest. “I'll screw it up, from time to time.” This was really all new to him.
“I probably will, too,” Luke agreed. “I think...all we can really do is keep being honest. That way, even if it doesn't work out, at least we won't end up hating each other. The last thing in the world I want is to ever feel about you the way I feel about Noah.”
“I'd never do that to you,” he swore without even thinking, but then Luke's earlier words sunk in. Speaking of being honest... “There's something else you need to know. Before this...really starts.” Based on the kind of man Luke was he didn't think it'd be a deal breaker, but he had a right to know.
Luke studied him seriously. “What is it?”
It was the first time he'd told anyone this, aside from his doctor. It wasn't fun. “Since the operation - the radiation,” he started, licking his lips. He needed to just say it. “I haven't been able to get hard. At all.”
Luke's brow was furrowed, for a few moments, until it clicked what Reid was talking about. “Oh.” His face was a picture, though he tried to cover it. “Oh. Well, uh, I'm sure that happens to a lot of guys in your situation, right?”
Exactly what his doctor had said. “All the time. You can imagine how much I liked being compared to 'most guys'.” Smiling briefly, Luke squeezed his hand. “My body's been through a trauma,” Reid explained matter-of-factly, “and needed time to recover.”
“Makes total sense,” Luke nodded reassuringly.
“But, uh,” yeah, he really wasn't enjoying this, “in cases similar to mine, most guys would've seen some...return to a previous level of service by now,” he joked. “But there's no spark of life. Trust me,” he assured Luke, “I've tried.” Multiple times, with consistently frustrating results.
Not seeming concerned, Luke listened attentively. “What does your doctor say?”
“He thinks it's largely psychosomatic at this point and should fix itself with time.” Reid certainly hadn't loved that idea that his own brain was stopping him from getting off.
“Well you said that dealing with cancer had made you face a lot of the issues in your life, issues about yourself, right? Maybe this is another part of that and, as you keep giving yourself what you really need, it'll fix itself.”
Man, he hoped so. “It's just nicely ironic, that's all.”
“What do you mean?”
“There your mom was today, freaking out because she thought we were constantly screwing on every available surface. Meanwhile, I can't even...” he gestured to his lap, frustrated. “I never knew how to do relationships but I always knew how to do sex. Now I can't even do that.”
“It doesn't matter,” Luke said, speaking again when Reid snorted. “Not to me, anyway. Look, I'm not about to lie and say I don't have my own issues when it comes to sex, because I do. I never felt...good enough, before. For him.”
“That's because he's an idiot.” Reid had never even met the guy and he hated him already.
Luke smiled gratefully. “But despite what Mom thinks, you're not the only guy I've been with since. I've casually dated a few guys since things ended with Noah and that - helped. A lot. I never told Mom about it because I knew she'd just bring up Noah again, but...” he shrugged. “They wanted me. They enjoyed having sex with me - and I enjoyed having sex with them. I do still struggle with it, sometimes,” he confessed, “because I was with Noah for a long time. But I also had a lot of time to think since him, too,” he explained, “and as much as I want to have sex with you, it's not the only part of a relationship that matters. I think honesty and supporting each other are far more important. One day, your problem might fix itself - or it might not. Either way, I'd still like to give this a shot.”
Reid honestly didn't know what he'd done to deserve Luke Snyder. “So we're really doing this?”
Luke grinned hugely and Reid realised he was smiling himself. “We really are,” he said, squeezing Reid's hand one more time. “Now the real question - do we ever tell anyone the truth about how we really met?”
“Not anytime soon,” he urged, “think of the stories we can tell the grandkids. We'll be the stuff of legend.”
“Oh my God,” Luke said in wonder, “I'm imagining you as a grandparent and it's amazing.” He paused. “Or terrible.”
“I'd be a great grandparent,” he sniffed. “Okay, so not really - I'd get them hyped up on sugar and then send them back to their parents, just because.”
“Well, one of their parents would be your child, so they probably deserve it.”
“Hey, they'd be your kid too!”
Grinning, Luke leaned into him. “I know we're only joking around, but it should probably worry me how much I genuinely like the idea already.”
Reid honestly felt the same. “Never saw myself having kids,” he admitted anyway, “and couldn't even donate sperm, these days.” He cast a baleful look at his groin. “But let's not get ahead of ourselves.”
“Right.”
“Have to see if we even really work, yet.”
“Of course,” Luke agreed.
Reid eyed him. “You totally have our kids named picked out already, don't you?”
“To be fair,” Luke said, which wasn't a denial, “I had the names for my future kids picked out before I ever met you.”
“Ah,” he said, “so I'm just incidental to this future child-having.”
“Exactly,” Luke teased. “Now, why don't we get comfortable,” he shifted about on the sofa, “and I can tell you all about Prince and Princella.”
Even knowing Luke was messing with him, Reid couldn't hold back the wince. “Please, Luke, don't do that to them - they're only children.”
“Fine,” Luke sighed heavily. “What names do you suggest instead?”
“Well,” he began too-eagerly, “whether it's a boy or a girl, I've always been partial to Reid Jr...”
*
Dating Luke was honestly almost exactly the same as pretending to date Luke. Luke didn't act any differently at all to the way he had before, whether he'd been alone with Reid or in front of his family. Luke was just...Luke. There was no artifice.
Which was ironic, considering how they'd met.
The really surprising thing - which probably shouldn't have been surprising at all - was just how much fun it was. The two times they'd pretended to be dating had been greatly entertaining, despite the drama that'd resulted, and dating Luke for real turned out to be just as much fun. They made fun of each other, constantly, but it was always driven by fondness, a way to show their feelings by saying just the opposite of what they really meant. Honestly, that made things less challenging for Reid, because though Luke made the idea of being in relationship easier than he ever thought it would be, Reid still felt he came up short when it came to the mushy stuff. He'd never really said romantic crap in his life and he still struggled with saying any of it without feeling like a fake. Being able to joke about it, knowing that Luke knew what he really meant, made it a little easier during those times he wanted to be genuine - because Luke deserved that as well.
And Luke really did deserve it because the guy was...something else. Kind and thoughtful, always thinking about what Reid needed. Funny and touching, always making Reid smile. And he could also be an enormous asshole, which Reid almost appreciated more than anything else. It made it more real, somehow, knowing that Luke wasn't perfect. He could be one hell of a drama queen. Arguments were rare, but when they did happen Luke was so intense it was as if Reid had insulted his very soul.
It was kind of terrifying.
Also hot.
Reid may have been currently out of action, but he still knew a hot guy when he saw one, and Luke definitely qualified. Their physical relationship hadn't progressed much beyond kissing, for obvious reasons. Still, despite the fact that Luke insisted it wasn't an issue he clearly had a healthy sexual appetite, as evidenced by the way he'd get hard every time they ended up in a heavy duty make-out session (Reid still enjoyed the physical intimacy, even without orgasms involved). Luke always backed off, or laughed about it, saying he'd take care of it himself later, despite Reid's offers to help him out. After a solid three nights in a row of this, however, Reid refused to let Luke get away with it anymore.
Deciding to get hands on - literally - the moment Luke started inevitably backing off, he announced, “I want to blow you.”
Frozen, his unmistakeably-hard cock still very much pressed against Reid, Luke licked his lips. “It doesn't feel...fair,” he explained carefully, “when you can't-”
“Screw fair,” Reid said, “life doesn't work that way. And this is a relationship, right? That means we help each other out because it's the right thing to do - not just because we're getting something in return. And I really, really,” he rocked against Luke, making him hiss, “want to help you out. I wanna see what you look like when you come,” he added and that finally did the trick, as Luke's eyes darkened and he rubbed up against him.
“Well, if you absolutely insist...”
“Oh,” Reid assured him, “I do.”
They were both grinning when Reid slid off of him, moving to kneel by the sofa. Shifting his own position, Luke swung around until he was sitting on the sofa properly. Slouching down to make access a little easier for Reid, he eagerly started reaching for his zipper, but Reid got there first.
“I got this,” he smirked and soon he had Luke's cock in his hand and the grin was most definitely gone from Luke's face.
“Jesus,” he muttered.
“Not quite,” Reid retorted, then bent over to get to work.
And, while honestly, Reid did miss the lack of a physical reaction his body would've had normally, he realised just how satisfying it could be giving your sexual partner that much pleasure. For once unable to think about his own sexual needs, he focused entirely on Luke's. He'd always made sure his previous lovers had come, but he hadn't cared much about their needs beyond that. With Luke he found he was giving him his undivided attention and it was a lot more rewarding than he'd ever expected it to be.
Getting to hear Luke's reactions - how he initially tried to restrain himself but, with Reid's encouragement, verbalised every groan and grunt that wanted to come out of him - was honestly almost addictive and Reid wanted to hear more of it.
A lot more of it.
Sadly, he couldn't see absolutely everything - his mouth very obviously busy, head over Luke's lap much of the time - but he still caught enough glimpses of Luke's other reactions. Knowing that he was the one responsible for just how much Luke was feeling - eyes squeezed tightly shut, head rolled back, hips thrusting up helplessly towards Reid's mouth, hands desperately clinging onto Reid's head - well, it genuinely brought him a lot of satisfaction and he knew that without a doubt, in the old days at least, he would've gotten hard himself in no time at all.
In the end, by the time Luke finally came, Reid certainly wasn't hard but he did think he felt something - briefly. For a few seconds. Barely anything, really, but certainly more than he'd experienced since the cancer.
It was something, he supposed.
“That was...” Luke panted, boneless, as Reid slid up to sit next to him on the sofa. “Wow,” he finished, lazily reaching out a hand to tug Reid in close, tasting himself on Reid's mouth. “Thank you so much,” he said after releasing him, which only made Reid laugh quietly, because who the hell was so sincere about getting a blowjob?
“No need to thank me,” he told him, “I enjoyed every second of it.”
Luke smiled happily. “What about...?” he gestured towards Reid's groin. “Anything?”
“Not really.”
“Not really?” he perked up, sitting up straighter. “So you felt something?”
“A little something,” he conceded. “Maybe.” Honestly, it'd been such a small reaction he was beginning to wonder if he'd imagined the whole thing.
Smiling at him encouragingly, Luke pointed out, “A little something's better than no something.”
“What we really want is a large something,” Reid shot back, winking at him.
“Well, speaking of a large something,” because apparently Luke was determined, “do you want me to return the favour? See if anything...” he waggled his eyebrows, “...comes up?”
“Okay, you are banned from the dick jokes.”
“Oh, so you're the only one allowed to make dick jokes in this relationship?” Luke asked, sounding offended. “I see how it is.”
They shared a smile at their ridiculous sense of humour, before Reid got to the truth. “I just don't want you to try and get disappointed when it doesn't work.” He all too-vividly remembered what Luke had told him before, about how Noah had always made him feel like he wasn't desirable. “It's not that I don't find you attractive - God Luke, you have to know how hot I find you,” he said intensely. “It's just that my body isn't working the way it should right now.”
“I know that,” Luke said seriously, seeming to mean it. “And if it's stressing you out then I won't do anything, because God knows that won't help the situation either. But anytime - anytime at all - you want me to try something, anything...you just say the word, okay?”
“Okay,” he nodded, more than happy to agree to that. It was a smart move not to force himself into trying anything with Luke just yet - he was still so frustrated at his own body that it'd likely be a recipe for disaster. He was more than happy to keep meeting Luke's sexual needs and hopefully, with time, that minor reaction he'd had would turn into something major.
Their relationship wasn't just about sex, though - or the lack thereof. They didn't spend every evening together - though it was rapidly moving close to that, he realised - and their first few evenings out after officially starting dating had been typical dating stuff. Restaurants, the movies once. They both soon discovered that they actually preferred staying in, just the two of them - though Luke would still insist they go out at least once a week, claiming it wasn't healthy staying locked away.
Still, they ended up spending most of the week locked away and - much to Reid's surprise - actually spent most of that time at Luke's place. It was a little bigger than Reid's and definitely felt more welcoming - Luke had obviously inherited that gene for interior design that Reid had missed out on.
After that, it wasn't unexpected that the first time they shared a bed it happened at Luke's place. Luke had been a little hesitant and embarrassed about asking him to stay over - which was adorable, when he'd had Luke's cock down his throat not thirty minutes earlier.
“I was wondering,” he began carefully, “if you'd like to stay over tonight.”
It was the logical next step, Reid knew. In any other situation they would've already been fucking, which more naturally led to bed-sharing so technically they were missing out on that part of the relationship.
Reid didn't like the idea of missing out on anything with Luke. “Sure,” he shrugged. “I'd like that.” It was easy enough to get to the hospital from Luke's place, too.
“Good,” Luke said, grinning in relief. “Because we haven't done that much hugging, and I really want to get my cuddle on.”
Uh...okay? “Wait, cuddling?”
His grin faltered. “Are you not a cuddler?”
They'd done a lot of groping and rubbing against each other, and Luke pressed up against him when they watched TV, but nothing he'd specifically classify as cuddling. “I don't know?”
Luke regarded him seriously. “When was the last time you cuddled with someone?”
Definitely not in recent memory. “When I was a kid?” Honestly, as far as Reid was concerned, cuddling with someone was something you only did as a kid - he certainly hadn't done it with any of his previous lovers. They'd pretty much all been of the 'come and then go' variety.
“That's it,” Luke announced, sounding horrified, “you are definitely sleeping over so we can spend the whole night cuddling.”
He was so determined and so certain that Reid could only smile and said he'd give it a try. “For the record, though,” he had to point out, “the word cuddle - or some variation thereof - was just said entirely too many times for two grown men.”
“Just wait,” Luke informed him knowingly, “you, too, will learn to love the cuddle.”
He was right, of course.
Reid had seriously found it strange, at first, lying in bed with a guy he was attracted to, knowing there was going to be no sex involved. He wasn't entirely sure what to do with himself - and felt ridiculous for not knowing what to do with himself. Reid had blown through most of his life on his medical expertise and bravado but that did him no good, here, when all Luke wanted to do was hold him.
This was ridiculous. He was being ridiculous. Cuddling was just like hugging, right? He hadn't done a lot of that, either, but he knew how it worked.
“Man, you are tense,” Luke muttered next to him, shifting around.
He almost said that he'd had a hard day at work, rather than deal with the issue, then remembered it was Luke he was in bed with and he couldn't do that to him. “I may be overthinking this. Because I'm not...used to it.”
Luke froze for a moment. “Okay,” he began, “what can I do to help?”
If his damn cock had been working, he would've suggested sex. “Distract me?” How ridiculous, that he couldn't even just lay there and let himself be happy. “Just keep talking,” he pleaded. “About anything.”
Luke didn't hesitate, immediately launching into a story. “Did I ever tell you about the best thing that ever happened to me?” he began, an arm still wrapped around Reid. “I was out for lunch one day - by myself, I'd been too busy with work to really make any friends in the area yet - when I bumped into the jerk-off who stole my boyfriend...”
Reid was starting to relax already, now that he knew the story was going just where he thought it was. “And you saw this amazingly hot guy?”
“I saw a guy,” Luke confirmed, which made Reid elbow him and Luke chuckle. “I'd seen him there a few times before, actually,” he admitted, which was a surprise to Reid. “I did secretly think he was hot,” he stage whispered, “and I knew he always tipped well so I figured he was an okay guy and he'd help me out.”
Reid liked getting this different perspective on their first meeting. A lot. “And did he?”
“In more ways than I ever though possible,” Luke said genuinely, which was one of those times he went a lot sappier than Reid was comfortable with but still somehow made him feel good about himself.
Pressing right up against him now, Luke turned until he could look Reid in the eye. “I know it's hard for you to hear,” this didn't sound good, “but you're amazing, Reid. From day one you've been there when I've needed you - whether it was a rescue from Mason, or the days when I'm stressing about my Mom. And even if you weren't amazing - which you are - you deserve this, okay? You deserve to cuddle and be happy and just enjoy it because, honestly, I think physical touch is such an important part of our lives but we get so wrapped up in everything else that's going on that we forget to be good to ourselves. Be good to yourself, okay?” he finished, touching the side of Reid's face.
“You mean,” he was actually finding it hard to speak and all because of some freaking cuddling, “give myself what I really need?”
“Like you said,” Luke agreed warmly. “And you can have anything,” he swore, “anything I can give you is yours.”
Reid swallowed. That sounded serious and he took it the way it was meant. Luke could be intense, but then so were his own feelings for him. “Just you,” he admitted finally because honestly, he knew already how well they fit together. Reid had never believed in the idea of someone having a 'true love' or 'perfect match' - life didn't work that way, and it certainly wasn't that sappy. If anything, life liked to screw people over.
But he'd certainly never met anyone as perfect him for as Luke, either. He may have shown up in Reid's life at just the right moment, at the time in his life when he was finally open to the idea of having a relationship with someone, but that certainly wasn't the reason they were together. It'd made things a little easier getting there, sure, but Reid was honestly starting to believe that even if they'd met some other way, they would've ended up together anyway. Luke was just stubborn enough and funny enough to have cracked through all of Reid's carefully constructed defenses and he honestly couldn't picture anyone else ever succeeding.
“Is that all?” Luke asked. “That's easy.”
“It's all I need,” Reid shrugged.
“Then it's a done deal,” he said firmly. “Now, c'mere,” he ordered, snuggling up against him, shifting his hold, “and appreciate the wonder that is the cuddle.”
At that point, Reid couldn't have resisted even if he wanted to. Despite the strength of his feelings for the man holding him, Reid could feel how ready his body was to relax completely. He was so warm and so comfortable - and Luke felt so damn good next to him - that he let out a long, heavy breath, let his body relax, and finally closed his eyes.
Cuddling really was awesome.
TBC
Original post on Dreamwidth - there are
comments there.
by Suz
Also posted on AO3 here.
*
“We should go,” Luke announced, pushing his chair back after Lily had left, head down low. Reid started moving, planning on backing him up when Emma forestalled any further movement.
“The two of you aren't going anywhere,” she insisted. “This is my house and, as far as I'm concerned, if Lily can't deal with her issues she's the one who needs to leave. Holden?” she asked, looking at her son.
Nodding, he stood, face serious. “I'll go talk to her. Make it clear that, unless she gets help, she's not welcome here anymore.”
Luke looked conflicted. “You don't have to do that, Dad.”
“No, I do, son,” he said immediately. “I thought the way she was about Noah was something she'd just get over, eventually, and I apologise for not taking it more seriously. There's obviously some much deeper issues at play, here. You stay,” he suggested, “enjoy a good meal with Momma. I'll deal with...” Letting his voice trail off, he shook his head sadly and walked away.
It was fair to say there was no saving lunch after that, though Emma certainly tried. Mostly, Luke just played with his food silently until asking randomly, “What are we going to tell Grandmother?”
Reid could only assume he was talking about Lily's mother, as nothing else made sense.
“We'll work it out, Luke,” Emma assured him, then resumed her attempts to cheer them up. After some ten minutes of telling stories about Luke's youth, she even had them smiling a little. They'd all pretty much lost their appetites though, and when Emma saw how Reid kept shooting worried looks towards Luke, declared that she'd give them some privacy. Leaving the table, she told them not to worry about the dishes.
They cleared up together anyway, quiet and sombre, when Luke finally spoke about it again.
“I'm so sorry that you had to be there to see all that,” to told Reid, clutching an empty glass against his chest. “Nothing like a meal with the Snyder's to brighten you day,” he joked, though there was no real humour in it and it fell completely flat.
“You have nothing to be embarrassed about,” Reid promised. “I'm worried about you because I care about you, but mostly I'm impressed with the way you stood up to your mom.”
“It was long past time coming,” Luke confessed, putting the glass back down on the table. “We'd spoken about the Noah thing before so many times, but I never really realised...” He shook his head. “I feel kind of guilty about it, to be honest.”
“What are you talking about?” Luke had been the one who'd done absolutely nothing wrong.
“I thought it was just Mom being...difficult,” he explained. “But the things she said today, the way she said them...that's not normal.” His face and voice both turned emotional as he started looking more and more horrified at himself. “What if, all this time, she just needed help and I was too angry at her to see it?”
“Hey,” Reid said softly, quickly moving over to him, “you did nothing wrong.” Touching the side of Luke's face, he carefully turned his head until he could meet his gaze. “This is not on you,” he said seriously, willing Luke to believe it. “Maybe she does need to talk to someone,” he offered, “maybe there's some kind of medication she should be on. Maybe it's neither of those things,” Reid shrugged, though he was willing to bet therapy would help Lily a lot. “Either way, it is absolutely not your fault and I won't allow you blame yourself for something beyond your control.”
“Won't allow me?” Luke managed a smile, albeit with wet eyes.
“Not to sound like a controlling jerk,” Reid nodded, releasing Luke's face as he realised how it sounded. “But you're only allowed to think good things about yourself. And I'm afraid I have to insist - it's in the boyfriend contract.”
Luke regarded him dubiously. “I didn't sign any contract.”
“Ah, but I did,” he said, “and as we're currently dating I'm afraid the contract is binding for both of us.”
“That hardly seems fair.”
“Them's the breaks,” he drawled. “Now,” he continued, seeing that his antics were cheering Luke up, “subsection two, paragraph four clearly states that I should go on, at length, about how amazing I find you and how glad I am that I get to be your boyfriend.”
“Which sounds great and all,” Luke grinned, “but how do I know you're not just going to be saying this stuff because the contract forces you to?”
Reid hadn't thought of that, though he felt he recovered nicely. “You only sign the contract in the first place if you already agree with everything in it.”
“Oh, I see,” Luke said casually. “And, just like nobody else on the face of the planet, you actually read all the small print?”
“Of course,” he replied, sounding horrified that anyone would even dream of not reading every single word. “I take my boyfriendly duties very seriously. And I mean every single word about how glad I am that I get to be said boyfriend,” he added firmly. “Even if it was in some crazy universe where it was only for one day, I wouldn't regret a moment of it.”
Luke blinked back at him emotionally. “Even with all the family drama?”
“Even with,” he nodded.
“Well, then,” Luke said eventually, “I'm extremely glad that we're not in some crazy universe where it's only for one day, because I really like the idea of you sticking around for the foreseeable future.”
“That can definitely be arranged,” Reid agreed more than happily and it was the most natural thing in the world to give Luke a kiss. It wasn't about passion or want - it was reassurance and affection. Reid wanted to be there and he wasn't planning on going anywhere - for as long as Luke wanted him.
They decided to leave not long after. Despite Emma's - and their own - best efforts, the day was ruined and, right then, Luke didn't feel up to facing his mother again. Reid offered to go in search of the rest of his family, though, and found Emma, Holden and Lily in the main bedroom upstairs, in the middle of what looked like an intense conversation.
“Luke wants to speak to you,” he said to Holden, when they all turned around and stared at him - Lily rather more intensely than the others.
Fortunately she stayed where she was, though as Holden and Emma made to leave the room, she suddenly spoke. “Don't tell Mother,” she begged, seeming embarrassed. “Please?”
The rest of them shared a heavy look.
Back by the dinner table, Holden told his son about the request. “What do you want to do? As far as I'm concerned it's about you, so I'm happy to follow your lead on this.”
Luke didn't seem happy about being the one to make the choice, but after struggling with the decision for a while, made the choice anyway. “Grandma's overseas at the moment anyway - and I know this deal she's working on is important to her. At the very least I say we leave it until she comes back - and I'll tell her it was my decision,” he added firmly. “Honestly, having her looking over Mom's shoulder is probably the last thing Mom needs right now anyway. Whatever it is she's going through or dealing with...” he shrugged. “The last thing she needs is more stress.” When Holden nodded in acknowledgement, Luke sighed and moved in to hug his dad. “Keep me updated?”
“Of course,” he promised. “I just hope this is something that can be fixed.”
“You and me both,” he replied seriously.
“Reid,” Holden held out a hand. “Thank you. For being there for him.”
“That's not something you need to thank me for,” he said, but shook the hand.
When it was her turn, Emma gave them both huge hugs. “Your mother doesn't speak for the rest of us.”
“I know that, Grandma.”
“Good,” she said, sounding relieved. “And you, young man,” she told Reid, “just keep doing what you're doing.”
That was easy. “I intend to.”
She gave them a tub of cookies for the road - truly, best Grandma ever - and then they were climbing into the car and driving out of Oakdale.
Though Luke put the radio back on there was no singing, this time, and it made Reid a little sad. There wasn't much in the way of conversation, either - Reid knew for himself that he was still a little shell-shocked and was only now really processing everything that'd happened. It was likely the same for Luke.
Reid also kept thinking about the conversation he knew he had to have to Luke. He was certain, now, that Luke would be okay with it, but that still didn't mean he was looking forward to it. He couldn't imagine anyone enjoyed talking about this kind of thing.
The journey passed quickly, with so much to think about, and some two hours later Luke pulled up outside Reid's apartment building.
“Well,” he announced, killing the engine, “that was some day.”
“It certainly was.”
“Again, I'm sorry for-”
“No apology necessary,” he shook his head. “And that's the whole point anyway, right? Going through this stuff together?”
Luke stared at him. “You're still serious about that? About this being a...real thing?”
Reid just stared back. “Completely.” However... “There's some stuff we should talk about, but given the day you've had if you want to save it for another time-”
“No way in hell,” Luke argued. “I'm in this as much as you are, okay? If we need to talk about something,” he nodded, “then let's talk about it.”
Letting out a long breath, Reid swallowed. “Let's go upstairs.”
Grabbing the cookies from the back seat they got into the building, rode in the elevator and walked into Reid's apartment. Luke made the polite remarks about Reid's apartment - it was really nothing special, he'd never been one for interior decorating - while Reid stashed the cookies in the kitchen and offered Luke some water.
It was Luke who snapped first.
“Oh my God, can you just tell me already?” he pleaded. “You've been hinting at something for a while and I thought you just needed some time but I really like you and now it's freaking me out. If you're about to tell me you're a serial killer, I swear to God...”
Laughing quietly at Luke's ridiculousness - although based on some of the things Luke had told him about Oakdale, it probably wasn't that ridiculous - Reid decided to just get it over with. “Nearly five months ago now,” he began. He could do this. “I was diagnosed with cancer.”
Judging by the wild expression on his face, Luke really hadn't been expecting that. “What?” he asked, eyes wide, walking straight over to Reid. “Where?” he demanded, looking over Reid's body for some sign. “How bad? Do you still have it?”
“Slow it down, cowboy,” Reid urged, though appreciated how concerned Luke was, and set about answering each of Luke's questions in turn. “It was testicular cancer,” he explained. “They don't think it's spread anywhere else. It's too early for them to officially announce I'm in remission but...things are looking good.”
Blinking heavily a few times, Luke grabbed his hand, leading Reid over to the sofa and tugged him down next to him. “Tell me everything,” he ordered, in a tone of voice that warned he was not about to be denied.
Shrugging, Reid did as he was told.
He told Luke about finding the lump, one day. About the ultrasound. About having his testicle removed and opting not to get a fake one. Finding out that it was cancerous and the brief, shitty course of radiation. Having to take endless cabs to and from the hospital because he'd tried driving, once, when the effects started hitting him and he'd never made that mistake again.
Luke regarded him emotionally. “Was anyone there for you?”
He chuckled. “I wasn't the type of guy people wanted to be there for,” he said honestly. “I've told you before, I was an asshole - still am, sometimes. I never had much in the way of friends and I had no real family left.”
Luke shifted. “But the cancer changed things?”
“Much as I hate to admit it, it turns out I am just like everyone else after all. I went through the whole clichéd thing about getting a whole new perspective on life and realised...I don't want to be alone.” It still wasn't easy for him, talking about this stuff, but after what he'd seen Luke put himself through today he'd have felt ashamed at himself if he didn't even try. “I'd been selfish my entire life,” he admitted, “but in all the wrong ways. I took whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. But I never once thought about what I needed.”
“And what is it you need?” Luke asked, eyes moist.
“To not do it alone,” he managed to say around the lump in his throat. “When my parents died and then the way my uncle was...” Reid shook his head. “I told myself that I'd never need anyone else again, that I could it all alone - and I can,” he said honestly, knowing it was the truth. “But I just don't want to anymore. I just...” Reid shrugged. “I just didn't know how to go about it. All my relationships before had basically just been about sex, about getting my physical needs met - work was the only thing I ever really cared about. The cancer changed that,” he finished, finally.
Luke stared at him in wonder. “That's why you order something different from the menu every time.”
“It felt like my whole life I'd been living the same routine,” he admitted, “I figured...at least that was a starting place. And then, one day,” he smiled faintly at Luke, “this guy sat at my table, asking for help.” Luke smiled back. “And I knew, even that first day, there was something special about him. It felt right, even when we were faking it.”
Studying him for a while, Luke eventually nodded. “I meant everything I said to you today,” he told Reid honestly, “and I still mean it.”
“Even with the cancer?” he had to offer, giving Luke the out. “It could come back.”
“If you can cope with my family drama, cancer's nothing in comparison,” he joked, before turning serious. “You were right, what you said. It feels...right, and I've honestly never felt that way before. I don't think it's something we should just give up on.”
Hope flared inside Reid's chest. “I'll screw it up, from time to time.” This was really all new to him.
“I probably will, too,” Luke agreed. “I think...all we can really do is keep being honest. That way, even if it doesn't work out, at least we won't end up hating each other. The last thing in the world I want is to ever feel about you the way I feel about Noah.”
“I'd never do that to you,” he swore without even thinking, but then Luke's earlier words sunk in. Speaking of being honest... “There's something else you need to know. Before this...really starts.” Based on the kind of man Luke was he didn't think it'd be a deal breaker, but he had a right to know.
Luke studied him seriously. “What is it?”
It was the first time he'd told anyone this, aside from his doctor. It wasn't fun. “Since the operation - the radiation,” he started, licking his lips. He needed to just say it. “I haven't been able to get hard. At all.”
Luke's brow was furrowed, for a few moments, until it clicked what Reid was talking about. “Oh.” His face was a picture, though he tried to cover it. “Oh. Well, uh, I'm sure that happens to a lot of guys in your situation, right?”
Exactly what his doctor had said. “All the time. You can imagine how much I liked being compared to 'most guys'.” Smiling briefly, Luke squeezed his hand. “My body's been through a trauma,” Reid explained matter-of-factly, “and needed time to recover.”
“Makes total sense,” Luke nodded reassuringly.
“But, uh,” yeah, he really wasn't enjoying this, “in cases similar to mine, most guys would've seen some...return to a previous level of service by now,” he joked. “But there's no spark of life. Trust me,” he assured Luke, “I've tried.” Multiple times, with consistently frustrating results.
Not seeming concerned, Luke listened attentively. “What does your doctor say?”
“He thinks it's largely psychosomatic at this point and should fix itself with time.” Reid certainly hadn't loved that idea that his own brain was stopping him from getting off.
“Well you said that dealing with cancer had made you face a lot of the issues in your life, issues about yourself, right? Maybe this is another part of that and, as you keep giving yourself what you really need, it'll fix itself.”
Man, he hoped so. “It's just nicely ironic, that's all.”
“What do you mean?”
“There your mom was today, freaking out because she thought we were constantly screwing on every available surface. Meanwhile, I can't even...” he gestured to his lap, frustrated. “I never knew how to do relationships but I always knew how to do sex. Now I can't even do that.”
“It doesn't matter,” Luke said, speaking again when Reid snorted. “Not to me, anyway. Look, I'm not about to lie and say I don't have my own issues when it comes to sex, because I do. I never felt...good enough, before. For him.”
“That's because he's an idiot.” Reid had never even met the guy and he hated him already.
Luke smiled gratefully. “But despite what Mom thinks, you're not the only guy I've been with since. I've casually dated a few guys since things ended with Noah and that - helped. A lot. I never told Mom about it because I knew she'd just bring up Noah again, but...” he shrugged. “They wanted me. They enjoyed having sex with me - and I enjoyed having sex with them. I do still struggle with it, sometimes,” he confessed, “because I was with Noah for a long time. But I also had a lot of time to think since him, too,” he explained, “and as much as I want to have sex with you, it's not the only part of a relationship that matters. I think honesty and supporting each other are far more important. One day, your problem might fix itself - or it might not. Either way, I'd still like to give this a shot.”
Reid honestly didn't know what he'd done to deserve Luke Snyder. “So we're really doing this?”
Luke grinned hugely and Reid realised he was smiling himself. “We really are,” he said, squeezing Reid's hand one more time. “Now the real question - do we ever tell anyone the truth about how we really met?”
“Not anytime soon,” he urged, “think of the stories we can tell the grandkids. We'll be the stuff of legend.”
“Oh my God,” Luke said in wonder, “I'm imagining you as a grandparent and it's amazing.” He paused. “Or terrible.”
“I'd be a great grandparent,” he sniffed. “Okay, so not really - I'd get them hyped up on sugar and then send them back to their parents, just because.”
“Well, one of their parents would be your child, so they probably deserve it.”
“Hey, they'd be your kid too!”
Grinning, Luke leaned into him. “I know we're only joking around, but it should probably worry me how much I genuinely like the idea already.”
Reid honestly felt the same. “Never saw myself having kids,” he admitted anyway, “and couldn't even donate sperm, these days.” He cast a baleful look at his groin. “But let's not get ahead of ourselves.”
“Right.”
“Have to see if we even really work, yet.”
“Of course,” Luke agreed.
Reid eyed him. “You totally have our kids named picked out already, don't you?”
“To be fair,” Luke said, which wasn't a denial, “I had the names for my future kids picked out before I ever met you.”
“Ah,” he said, “so I'm just incidental to this future child-having.”
“Exactly,” Luke teased. “Now, why don't we get comfortable,” he shifted about on the sofa, “and I can tell you all about Prince and Princella.”
Even knowing Luke was messing with him, Reid couldn't hold back the wince. “Please, Luke, don't do that to them - they're only children.”
“Fine,” Luke sighed heavily. “What names do you suggest instead?”
“Well,” he began too-eagerly, “whether it's a boy or a girl, I've always been partial to Reid Jr...”
*
Dating Luke was honestly almost exactly the same as pretending to date Luke. Luke didn't act any differently at all to the way he had before, whether he'd been alone with Reid or in front of his family. Luke was just...Luke. There was no artifice.
Which was ironic, considering how they'd met.
The really surprising thing - which probably shouldn't have been surprising at all - was just how much fun it was. The two times they'd pretended to be dating had been greatly entertaining, despite the drama that'd resulted, and dating Luke for real turned out to be just as much fun. They made fun of each other, constantly, but it was always driven by fondness, a way to show their feelings by saying just the opposite of what they really meant. Honestly, that made things less challenging for Reid, because though Luke made the idea of being in relationship easier than he ever thought it would be, Reid still felt he came up short when it came to the mushy stuff. He'd never really said romantic crap in his life and he still struggled with saying any of it without feeling like a fake. Being able to joke about it, knowing that Luke knew what he really meant, made it a little easier during those times he wanted to be genuine - because Luke deserved that as well.
And Luke really did deserve it because the guy was...something else. Kind and thoughtful, always thinking about what Reid needed. Funny and touching, always making Reid smile. And he could also be an enormous asshole, which Reid almost appreciated more than anything else. It made it more real, somehow, knowing that Luke wasn't perfect. He could be one hell of a drama queen. Arguments were rare, but when they did happen Luke was so intense it was as if Reid had insulted his very soul.
It was kind of terrifying.
Also hot.
Reid may have been currently out of action, but he still knew a hot guy when he saw one, and Luke definitely qualified. Their physical relationship hadn't progressed much beyond kissing, for obvious reasons. Still, despite the fact that Luke insisted it wasn't an issue he clearly had a healthy sexual appetite, as evidenced by the way he'd get hard every time they ended up in a heavy duty make-out session (Reid still enjoyed the physical intimacy, even without orgasms involved). Luke always backed off, or laughed about it, saying he'd take care of it himself later, despite Reid's offers to help him out. After a solid three nights in a row of this, however, Reid refused to let Luke get away with it anymore.
Deciding to get hands on - literally - the moment Luke started inevitably backing off, he announced, “I want to blow you.”
Frozen, his unmistakeably-hard cock still very much pressed against Reid, Luke licked his lips. “It doesn't feel...fair,” he explained carefully, “when you can't-”
“Screw fair,” Reid said, “life doesn't work that way. And this is a relationship, right? That means we help each other out because it's the right thing to do - not just because we're getting something in return. And I really, really,” he rocked against Luke, making him hiss, “want to help you out. I wanna see what you look like when you come,” he added and that finally did the trick, as Luke's eyes darkened and he rubbed up against him.
“Well, if you absolutely insist...”
“Oh,” Reid assured him, “I do.”
They were both grinning when Reid slid off of him, moving to kneel by the sofa. Shifting his own position, Luke swung around until he was sitting on the sofa properly. Slouching down to make access a little easier for Reid, he eagerly started reaching for his zipper, but Reid got there first.
“I got this,” he smirked and soon he had Luke's cock in his hand and the grin was most definitely gone from Luke's face.
“Jesus,” he muttered.
“Not quite,” Reid retorted, then bent over to get to work.
And, while honestly, Reid did miss the lack of a physical reaction his body would've had normally, he realised just how satisfying it could be giving your sexual partner that much pleasure. For once unable to think about his own sexual needs, he focused entirely on Luke's. He'd always made sure his previous lovers had come, but he hadn't cared much about their needs beyond that. With Luke he found he was giving him his undivided attention and it was a lot more rewarding than he'd ever expected it to be.
Getting to hear Luke's reactions - how he initially tried to restrain himself but, with Reid's encouragement, verbalised every groan and grunt that wanted to come out of him - was honestly almost addictive and Reid wanted to hear more of it.
A lot more of it.
Sadly, he couldn't see absolutely everything - his mouth very obviously busy, head over Luke's lap much of the time - but he still caught enough glimpses of Luke's other reactions. Knowing that he was the one responsible for just how much Luke was feeling - eyes squeezed tightly shut, head rolled back, hips thrusting up helplessly towards Reid's mouth, hands desperately clinging onto Reid's head - well, it genuinely brought him a lot of satisfaction and he knew that without a doubt, in the old days at least, he would've gotten hard himself in no time at all.
In the end, by the time Luke finally came, Reid certainly wasn't hard but he did think he felt something - briefly. For a few seconds. Barely anything, really, but certainly more than he'd experienced since the cancer.
It was something, he supposed.
“That was...” Luke panted, boneless, as Reid slid up to sit next to him on the sofa. “Wow,” he finished, lazily reaching out a hand to tug Reid in close, tasting himself on Reid's mouth. “Thank you so much,” he said after releasing him, which only made Reid laugh quietly, because who the hell was so sincere about getting a blowjob?
“No need to thank me,” he told him, “I enjoyed every second of it.”
Luke smiled happily. “What about...?” he gestured towards Reid's groin. “Anything?”
“Not really.”
“Not really?” he perked up, sitting up straighter. “So you felt something?”
“A little something,” he conceded. “Maybe.” Honestly, it'd been such a small reaction he was beginning to wonder if he'd imagined the whole thing.
Smiling at him encouragingly, Luke pointed out, “A little something's better than no something.”
“What we really want is a large something,” Reid shot back, winking at him.
“Well, speaking of a large something,” because apparently Luke was determined, “do you want me to return the favour? See if anything...” he waggled his eyebrows, “...comes up?”
“Okay, you are banned from the dick jokes.”
“Oh, so you're the only one allowed to make dick jokes in this relationship?” Luke asked, sounding offended. “I see how it is.”
They shared a smile at their ridiculous sense of humour, before Reid got to the truth. “I just don't want you to try and get disappointed when it doesn't work.” He all too-vividly remembered what Luke had told him before, about how Noah had always made him feel like he wasn't desirable. “It's not that I don't find you attractive - God Luke, you have to know how hot I find you,” he said intensely. “It's just that my body isn't working the way it should right now.”
“I know that,” Luke said seriously, seeming to mean it. “And if it's stressing you out then I won't do anything, because God knows that won't help the situation either. But anytime - anytime at all - you want me to try something, anything...you just say the word, okay?”
“Okay,” he nodded, more than happy to agree to that. It was a smart move not to force himself into trying anything with Luke just yet - he was still so frustrated at his own body that it'd likely be a recipe for disaster. He was more than happy to keep meeting Luke's sexual needs and hopefully, with time, that minor reaction he'd had would turn into something major.
Their relationship wasn't just about sex, though - or the lack thereof. They didn't spend every evening together - though it was rapidly moving close to that, he realised - and their first few evenings out after officially starting dating had been typical dating stuff. Restaurants, the movies once. They both soon discovered that they actually preferred staying in, just the two of them - though Luke would still insist they go out at least once a week, claiming it wasn't healthy staying locked away.
Still, they ended up spending most of the week locked away and - much to Reid's surprise - actually spent most of that time at Luke's place. It was a little bigger than Reid's and definitely felt more welcoming - Luke had obviously inherited that gene for interior design that Reid had missed out on.
After that, it wasn't unexpected that the first time they shared a bed it happened at Luke's place. Luke had been a little hesitant and embarrassed about asking him to stay over - which was adorable, when he'd had Luke's cock down his throat not thirty minutes earlier.
“I was wondering,” he began carefully, “if you'd like to stay over tonight.”
It was the logical next step, Reid knew. In any other situation they would've already been fucking, which more naturally led to bed-sharing so technically they were missing out on that part of the relationship.
Reid didn't like the idea of missing out on anything with Luke. “Sure,” he shrugged. “I'd like that.” It was easy enough to get to the hospital from Luke's place, too.
“Good,” Luke said, grinning in relief. “Because we haven't done that much hugging, and I really want to get my cuddle on.”
Uh...okay? “Wait, cuddling?”
His grin faltered. “Are you not a cuddler?”
They'd done a lot of groping and rubbing against each other, and Luke pressed up against him when they watched TV, but nothing he'd specifically classify as cuddling. “I don't know?”
Luke regarded him seriously. “When was the last time you cuddled with someone?”
Definitely not in recent memory. “When I was a kid?” Honestly, as far as Reid was concerned, cuddling with someone was something you only did as a kid - he certainly hadn't done it with any of his previous lovers. They'd pretty much all been of the 'come and then go' variety.
“That's it,” Luke announced, sounding horrified, “you are definitely sleeping over so we can spend the whole night cuddling.”
He was so determined and so certain that Reid could only smile and said he'd give it a try. “For the record, though,” he had to point out, “the word cuddle - or some variation thereof - was just said entirely too many times for two grown men.”
“Just wait,” Luke informed him knowingly, “you, too, will learn to love the cuddle.”
He was right, of course.
Reid had seriously found it strange, at first, lying in bed with a guy he was attracted to, knowing there was going to be no sex involved. He wasn't entirely sure what to do with himself - and felt ridiculous for not knowing what to do with himself. Reid had blown through most of his life on his medical expertise and bravado but that did him no good, here, when all Luke wanted to do was hold him.
This was ridiculous. He was being ridiculous. Cuddling was just like hugging, right? He hadn't done a lot of that, either, but he knew how it worked.
“Man, you are tense,” Luke muttered next to him, shifting around.
He almost said that he'd had a hard day at work, rather than deal with the issue, then remembered it was Luke he was in bed with and he couldn't do that to him. “I may be overthinking this. Because I'm not...used to it.”
Luke froze for a moment. “Okay,” he began, “what can I do to help?”
If his damn cock had been working, he would've suggested sex. “Distract me?” How ridiculous, that he couldn't even just lay there and let himself be happy. “Just keep talking,” he pleaded. “About anything.”
Luke didn't hesitate, immediately launching into a story. “Did I ever tell you about the best thing that ever happened to me?” he began, an arm still wrapped around Reid. “I was out for lunch one day - by myself, I'd been too busy with work to really make any friends in the area yet - when I bumped into the jerk-off who stole my boyfriend...”
Reid was starting to relax already, now that he knew the story was going just where he thought it was. “And you saw this amazingly hot guy?”
“I saw a guy,” Luke confirmed, which made Reid elbow him and Luke chuckle. “I'd seen him there a few times before, actually,” he admitted, which was a surprise to Reid. “I did secretly think he was hot,” he stage whispered, “and I knew he always tipped well so I figured he was an okay guy and he'd help me out.”
Reid liked getting this different perspective on their first meeting. A lot. “And did he?”
“In more ways than I ever though possible,” Luke said genuinely, which was one of those times he went a lot sappier than Reid was comfortable with but still somehow made him feel good about himself.
Pressing right up against him now, Luke turned until he could look Reid in the eye. “I know it's hard for you to hear,” this didn't sound good, “but you're amazing, Reid. From day one you've been there when I've needed you - whether it was a rescue from Mason, or the days when I'm stressing about my Mom. And even if you weren't amazing - which you are - you deserve this, okay? You deserve to cuddle and be happy and just enjoy it because, honestly, I think physical touch is such an important part of our lives but we get so wrapped up in everything else that's going on that we forget to be good to ourselves. Be good to yourself, okay?” he finished, touching the side of Reid's face.
“You mean,” he was actually finding it hard to speak and all because of some freaking cuddling, “give myself what I really need?”
“Like you said,” Luke agreed warmly. “And you can have anything,” he swore, “anything I can give you is yours.”
Reid swallowed. That sounded serious and he took it the way it was meant. Luke could be intense, but then so were his own feelings for him. “Just you,” he admitted finally because honestly, he knew already how well they fit together. Reid had never believed in the idea of someone having a 'true love' or 'perfect match' - life didn't work that way, and it certainly wasn't that sappy. If anything, life liked to screw people over.
But he'd certainly never met anyone as perfect him for as Luke, either. He may have shown up in Reid's life at just the right moment, at the time in his life when he was finally open to the idea of having a relationship with someone, but that certainly wasn't the reason they were together. It'd made things a little easier getting there, sure, but Reid was honestly starting to believe that even if they'd met some other way, they would've ended up together anyway. Luke was just stubborn enough and funny enough to have cracked through all of Reid's carefully constructed defenses and he honestly couldn't picture anyone else ever succeeding.
“Is that all?” Luke asked. “That's easy.”
“It's all I need,” Reid shrugged.
“Then it's a done deal,” he said firmly. “Now, c'mere,” he ordered, snuggling up against him, shifting his hold, “and appreciate the wonder that is the cuddle.”
At that point, Reid couldn't have resisted even if he wanted to. Despite the strength of his feelings for the man holding him, Reid could feel how ready his body was to relax completely. He was so warm and so comfortable - and Luke felt so damn good next to him - that he let out a long, heavy breath, let his body relax, and finally closed his eyes.
Cuddling really was awesome.
TBC
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