why am i so worthless?
i dont really no.. what to say. im going back to that place i swore i'd never go. slowly i no thatz where i'll end up. it's like, i can do whatever i want phisically to change my life, but in the end, i'll just end up where i wuz. thinking too much.. not having trust.. thinking only bad and aweful thoughts.. not being good enough for ne one, ever. i hate this..
me and steven are fighting.. again. wat else is new. he wants to go on a break over spring break. so he can go talk and hook up with his ex girl friend.. wat did i do? wat the hell is the matter with me? why duz he like her still? y am i not good enough? wtf is the matter with me? y do i get treated like this? do couples do this normally? why cant he just be happy with me? and why the hell am i crying right now?
i cant seem to talk to ne one about this tho. i cant even get it out right now as im typing how i feel. i have best friends, but not a best friend. not someone i can truely confide in. not someone who i won't feel like an idiot pouring my heart out to. i went to therapy today, and i couldnt even get out two words with out feeling stupid. wats the matter with me?
i feel so ugly. im getting fatter and fatter, and uglier and uglier. even steven says im not so good looking. that i should dye my hair back blonde, and smile more. i cant find a reason to smile ne more. theres no use. im putting all my energy and happiness into singing now a dayz, and every other part of my day is full of numbness, bitterness, and crying. why do i feel this way? why cant i just be happy?
i just dont get it...
me and steven are fighting.. again. wat else is new. he wants to go on a break over spring break. so he can go talk and hook up with his ex girl friend.. wat did i do? wat the hell is the matter with me? why duz he like her still? y am i not good enough? wtf is the matter with me? y do i get treated like this? do couples do this normally? why cant he just be happy with me? and why the hell am i crying right now?
i cant seem to talk to ne one about this tho. i cant even get it out right now as im typing how i feel. i have best friends, but not a best friend. not someone i can truely confide in. not someone who i won't feel like an idiot pouring my heart out to. i went to therapy today, and i couldnt even get out two words with out feeling stupid. wats the matter with me?
i feel so ugly. im getting fatter and fatter, and uglier and uglier. even steven says im not so good looking. that i should dye my hair back blonde, and smile more. i cant find a reason to smile ne more. theres no use. im putting all my energy and happiness into singing now a dayz, and every other part of my day is full of numbness, bitterness, and crying. why do i feel this way? why cant i just be happy?
i just dont get it...